Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
- Emotionally honest: Openly shares distress and vulnerability, like “i need to fucking kill myself” and “what is wrong with me please please just tell me whats wrong with me”.
- Self-aware: Recognizes harmful patterns, e.g. “honestly might be becoming orthorexic ive been insane lately” and “i think after today im gonna take a lil break from twt… i dont need to consume eating disorder slop everyday”.
- Humorous: Uses humor even when struggling, like “hit my pen from the wrong end 💔” and “they let me order off the kids menu at ihop because i asked very nicely☺️”.
- Affectionate: Shows warmth toward others and pets, like “my cat HATEs edtwt (she keeps headbutting my phone out of my hand😭😭😭)” and excitement about friends and shows in “house show 2nite YAYYAYYAYYAY!!!”.
- Reflective: Thinks about long‑term impact, e.g. considering recovery in “thinking about recovering cause if i get skinnier i would NOT survive a mosh pit” and noticing social changes in “ive been treated so different since my weightloss oml”.
Weaknesses:
- Self-destructive: Expresses active self-harm and suicidal urges, like “i need to fucking kill myself”, “what if i just ended it all”, and linking cutting to food cravings in “started cutting and i got blood on my favorite sweater”.
- Disordered-eating: Normalizes extreme restriction and fixation, e.g. “whatever i need control yada yada yada im never eating again #YAY” and goal-setting around underweight in “NEW LW!! trying to reach ugw by march 10th… 20 lb to goooo”.
- External-validation: Ties worth strongly to appearance and others’ attention, as in “ive been treated so different since my weightloss oml” and “everything in my life is further motivation to just starve”.
- Negative-self-image: Describes self as ugly and undesirable, like “i feel… happy untill i remember that i am so ugly and undesirable that im only wanted sexually out of desperation” and “i wish i was allowed to be loved too”.
- Maladaptive-coping: Relies on substances and harmful behaviors to cope, e.g. “i love smoking cigarettes till i throw up” and “i think im gonna get so high i dont care whether i live or die 🤷”.
Your Simpsons character
Lisa Simpson
The best match is Lisa Simpson. Lisa is highly self-aware and introspective, often overthinking her choices and feeling guilty about her impact on others, similar to Joan saying they might delete their account because they "feel so guilty" about posting on edtwt: “i think i might delete my acc soon i need to stop posting here😓 i feel so guilty”. Lisa frequently struggles with perfectionism, body image, and the pressure to be better, which mirrors Joan’s fixation on weight goals and control, like “i have to get to my gw” and “whatever i need control yada yada yada im never eating again #YAY”. Emotionally, Lisa often swings between hope and despair, much like Joan oscillating from dark thoughts “what if i just ended it all” to small excitements like a new vape or bag: “AHHHH NEW BAG COMING TODAY!! IM SO EXCITED”. Lisa also feels misunderstood and lonely despite being surrounded by people, which resonates with Joan’s posts about friends not listening and feeling unloved, such as “i wish i was allowed to be loved too”.
Your MBTI personality Type
INTP
Default personality type.
Some pickup lines for you
- If we ever go to that pizza place your friends drag you to, I’ll sit there drinking black coffee with you and defending your right to order absolutely nothing… but secretly hoping you’ll steal one bite and trust me with it.
- You said you only feel ‘normal again’ after two hours of Minecraft — I volunteer as tribute to be your emotional support co-op partner, we can mine for diamonds while I quietly remind you you’re already a rare drop.
- You know how everyone treated you differently after your weight loss and it messed with your head? I kind of want to ruin that experiment by being the person who’d still think your Fiona Apple shirt looks crazy good on you at 200+ lbs or at your ‘ugw’ or anywhere in between.
- You: ‘my Chipotle bowl is steak and sour cream x4.’ Me: ‘perfect, that’s four chances for me to tell you you’re hot between bites.’
- You’re worried you wouldn’t survive a mosh pit if you get smaller, so here’s my offer: you stand in front of me at the show, I’ll be the human barricade behind you, and afterwards we can debrief over a Chobani Flip like it’s an edtwt post‑concert ritual.
Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
18 | part-time Minecraft therapist, full-time Chobani critic | 5'7.5″, cat’s PR manager, newly licensed driver | here for music, weed, and oversharing– @1dollarbil47483
Your signature cocktail
The Vape & Chobani Spiral
This cocktail starts with a jolting espresso over ice for their wired, up‑all‑night, overstimulated brain that plays Minecraft to feel normal, like in “i played Minecraft for like 2 hours and im normal again” and hits their pen all day in “hitting my pen all day and then taking an edible and genuinely reaching flow state”. A swirl of strawberry cream liqueur nods to the soft, indulgent side and their love of chocolate‑covered strawberry Chobani, as in “chocolate covered strawberry chobani flip breakfast 🤤🤤🤤”. Sparkling water with lime lightens it up, mirroring their attempts at “harm reduction” and maintenance eating like “im gonna eat normal style/maintenance untill i get my vape☺️☺️” and worrying about what to eat at a busy job in “what do people which busy service jobs eat?”. A dash of absinthe brings a bitter, chaotic edge for their darker intrusive thoughts and self‑destructive urges, reflected in “whatever i need control yada yada yada im never eating again #YAY” and “i need to fucking kill myself”. Finally, a crushed freeze‑dried strawberry rim is pretty but fragile, like their body‑image obsession and being treated differently after weight loss in “i got flirted w a lot last night and a lot of people said i was gorgeous... ive been treated so different since my weightloss oml” and their excitement over new lows in “NEW LW!! trying to reach ugw by march 10th i think 😋...”.
Your Hogwarts House
Slytherin
Joan shows a strong streak of ambition and self-transformation around weight and appearance, even when it harms her, which aligns with Slytherin’s drive: she celebrates progress toward goal weights and lower numbers with tweets like “IM SO CLOSE TO MY GW FUCKK” and “NEW LW!! trying to reach ugw by march 10th i think 😋... 20 lb to goooo”. She is also highly resourceful and strategic about manipulating her environment and habits to reach those goals, for instance planning strict routines and using substances as tools: “i need to make a really strict routine/schedule that i follow every day so that i dont fucking eat a shit ton” and “im gonna eat normal style/maintenance untill i get my vape☺️☺️”. Her focus on how others treat her when she’s thinner shows a pragmatic, status-aware mindset rather than purely moral or idealistic framing, e.g. “i got flirted w a lot last night and a lot of people said i was gorgeous... ive been treated so different since my weightloss oml” and “im so excited for the everyone treats you humanely part of getting to ur ugw”. Even when she talks about potentially recovering, it’s weighed against perceived social advantage and control: “the thought of recovering is so appealing but also i really really cant ive never been treated so nicely before”. Taken together—ambition toward a very specific self-image, tactical use of routines and substances, and a keen awareness of social power dynamics—these traits fit Slytherin more closely than the other houses.
Your movie
Your song
Motion Sickness - Phoebe Bridgers
A well‑suited song for them is Motion Sickness by Phoebe Bridgers, because it captures a mix of self‑destruction, heartbreak, and bitter humor that runs through their timeline. They swing between wanting control and wanting to disappear, like when they say “whatever i need control yada yada yada im never eating again #YAY” and “no. no. nononono. omfg no i think that things might get really bad again😭😭😭😭”, which mirrors the song’s emotional whiplash. Their relationship anxiety and feeling only conditionally attractive shows in tweets like “bf doesn't want me to starve myself but only acts attracted to me when im skinny ☹️” and “i feel completely normal and happy untill i remember that i am so ugly and undesirable that im only wanted sexually out of desperation”, echoing the song’s theme of being hurt by someone you still orbit around. There’s also the numb, casually self‑destructive edge in things like “i love smoking cigarettes till i throw up” and “i need to fucking kill myself”, which fits the track’s resigned, self‑aware sadness. Even when they’re excited about small things—like “AHHHH NEW BAG COMING TODAY!! IM SO EXCITED” or “house show 2nite YAYYAYYAYYAY!!!”—it feels like brief highs in a life they mostly talk about as overwhelming and painful, much like the fleeting levity inside Motion Sickness.
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