
Strengths and Weaknesses

Your Simpsons character
The best match is Lisa Simpson, but as if she’d grown up extremely online and channeled her intensity into fandom, self-expression, and raw oversharing. Like Lisa, this user is hyper-emotional and introspective, openly discussing diagnoses and mental health, as in “I’m being moved to a new psychologist, but my old one suspected BPD, autism, and some other vague personality disorders” and “No one understands that suicidality is something you can never escape”. There’s a very Lisa-like mix of feeling alienated and desperate to be understood, shown in tweets like “I want to be wanted” and “The only people who would care about my death are my online friends”. At the same time, they pour themselves into creativity and obsession with niche interests—art, ships, and characters—echoing Lisa’s intense passions, in posts like “AHHH I LOVE ART I LOVE ART” and “I love creating things, and I especially love creating things for others”. The sexual/bratty humor and dark self-deprecation (e.g., “Can you just abuse my cunt already. If you’re gonna use me, go ahead. Just don’t throw me away after.”) feel like a more extreme, adult, terminally-online version of Lisa’s longing to be seen, valued, and loved intensely rather than superficially.

Your MBTI personality Type
They appear more introverted (I) than extroverted: they center their world around a small circle of online friends and a private account, e.g. “OOMFS ONLY my priv is @BurnMyEyeDaddy TRIGGER WARNING FOR ACTUAL SELF HARM VISUALS I WILL BE SO OPEN LIKE PHYSICALLY ON THIS SHIT” and repeatedly talk about feeling abandoned, like “The only people who would care about my death are my online friends”. Their focus on ideals, yearning, and metaphors over concrete facts suggests intuition (N), as in “I wish I could be a little internet fairy, flying through the cyberspace til I find the perfect creep to use me” and the dramatic, abstract framing of suicidality in “there will always be a part of you that wants to die. And that is the truest form of 'you' out there.”. They are strongly feeling (F)-oriented: their tweets revolve around emotional validation, love, hurt, and connection, such as “I want to be wanted” and “I don’t understand what I did wrong. All I wanted was for him to love me.”, with little emphasis on detached logic. Finally, their impulsive mood swings, self-described mental health instability, and spontaneity in posting (e.g. “FINE FINE I’LL DRAW INSTEAD OF CUTTING MYSELF GOD WHATEVER I DONT EVEN GIVE A GAF FR UGH” and “I yearn for a thigh gap the same way I beg for a shitty man”) indicate a perceiving (P) style rather than structured planning. Taken together—introspective emotional intensity, idealization of relationships, rich imaginative language, and chaotic spontaneity—these traits best align with INFP.

Some pickup lines for you

Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
Joe • he/him • tiny artist with big feelings and bigger ideas • once forgot to post a drawing for 3 days because I was busy loving it too much– @Ab_sedEyef_l

Your signature cocktail
This cocktail hits like Joe’s timeline: chaotic, horny, and heartbreak-core. Overproof spiced rum channels their manic, high-energy swings and intense devotion to shitty men, like when they said they’d “continue to devote my life to him even if he destroys me” “he’s the only one i’ll ever need idc if he’s sexting other people…”. Blackberry liqueur brings a dark sweetness for the way they crave being wanted and used without being discarded, as in “I want to be used without being disposed of, so what?” and “I want to be wanted”. Blood orange juice is the tart, dramatic streak that mirrors their self-harm and suicidality confessions, from “TRIGGER WARNING FOR ACTUAL SELF HARM VISUALS I WILL BE SO OPEN LIKE PHYSICALLY ON THIS SHIT” to “Why couldn’t I just die”. Tonic water with edible glitter captures their sparkly, art-loving, internet-fairy aesthetic seen in “AHHH I LOVE ART I LOVE ART” and “I wish I could be a little internet fairy, flying through the cyberspace til I find the perfect creep to use me”. Finally, dark chocolate bitters nod to the self-aware body and food angst of “i LOVEEE chocolate. But I can’t bcus then I’ll get FAT. But it’s SOOOOO GOODDDDDD” and add a rich, slightly painful finish—just like a Joe situationship. This is a strong, sweet-bitter, experimental drink: a glittery, messy love letter to being “Diagnosed Manic” and extremely online.

Your Hogwarts House
Joseph shows very strong attachment and loyalty to his friends and to the people he fixates on, even when it hurts him. He talks about how much his online circle matters with tweets like “I love my online friends!” and “I know that if nobody irl got me, my oomfies do!”, which reflects a Hufflepuff-style emphasis on companionship and emotional loyalty. His romantic/sexual fixation is also framed through devotion rather than status or power, as in “he’s the only one i’ll ever need idc if he’s sexting other people i will continue to devote my life to him even if he destroys me” and “I want to be used without being disposed of, so what?”, which shows a craving to belong and to be kept rather than to dominate. He repeatedly fears abandonment and longs to be wanted—see “The only people who would care about my death are my online friends” and “I want to be wanted”—which fits a Hufflepuff’s deepest wound of feeling unappreciated or left behind. While he is creative and witty about art and fandom (“AHHH I LOVE ART I LOVE ART”), those traits are in service of connection and care for others, not pure intellect or ambition, making Hufflepuff the best overall fit.

Your movie

Your song
A well-suited song for them is Liability by Lorde, which captures feeling like "too much" and inherently unlovable, echoing tweets like “im a horrible person undeserving of love” and “I want to be wanted”. The song’s themes of intense self-blame and abandonment align with how they talk about relationships, such as “I don’t understand what I did wrong. All I wanted was for him to love me.” and “Am I really so low that he would rather block me than just say that I’m not his type?”. Their recurring suicidal ideation and self-harm struggles, like “No one understands that suicidality is something you can never escape.” and “FINE FINE I’LL DRAW INSTEAD OF CUTTING MYSELF GOD WHATEVER”, mirror the song’s quiet grief and exhaustion with being alive. At the same time, the dramatic, artistic flair in their timeline—gushing over art and OCs in tweets like “AHHH I LOVE ART I LOVE ART”—fits Lorde’s theatrical but deeply vulnerable style. Liability encapsulates that mix of self-aware melodrama, isolation, and craving for love that runs through their posts.

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