Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
- Emotionally honest: Openly shares vulnerability and pain, like “eu depois de despencar o meu cu de tanto chorar deitando tal qual um anjinho” and “meu cérebro não sabe a diferença entre ser ignorada e tomar um tiro”.
- Loyal friend: Shows deep attachment to people, e.g. “funfact sobre mim é que se eu te amo você não vai sair da minha vida nem com reza braba” and affection in “amo minhas amigas”.
- Humorous: Uses exaggerated drama and jokes to cope, such as “eu depois de despencar o meu cu de tanto chorar...” and absurd humor in “ⓘ É aniversário do Roblox...”.
- Passionate fan: Engages intensely with media and artists, e.g. “eu nunca me identifiquei tanto com um tweet taylor swift eu te desejo tudo de ruim”, “real mitski fans don't listen to mitski”, and multiple Stranger Things/ship tweets like “esse é o byler q eu mereco!”.
- Socially aware: Critiques misogyny and harmful behavior, as in “pior coisa é falar com homem, sobre misoginia ainda pqp” and calling out people who harm movements in “esse tipo de gente fode com o movimento porra que mulher chata”.
Weaknesses:
- Self-destructive humor: Frequent jokes about death or harming self, like “hoje eu acordei e minha primeira fala foi deveriamos todos nos matar” and “*me mato”.
- Volatile anger: Uses intense hostility when upset, e.g. “olivia dean vai tomar no cu”, “MATHEUSZINHO VAI TOMAR NO CUUUUUUUUU”, and “eu odeio todo mundo nessa bosta”.
- Harsh criticism: Expresses extreme judgments like “se eu pudesse matar uma pessoa qualquer eu ficaria na duvida entre luisa sonsa e tyler the creator....” and “esse pinto pequeno aqui ta falando que nao e assedio...”.
- Negative self-image: Talks about herself in damaging ways, e.g. “sou o tipo de garota que quando ama, não importa o que você faça, eu continuo lá (futuro saco de pancada” and body criticism in “ver foto antiga eu só reparo no quanto eu era gorda”.
- Emotional overload: Often overwhelmed by feelings, like “tpm deveria ser considerado como distúrbio, estou chorando por que sou solteira que mundo maldito”, “cólica, pesadelos e choro”, and the long scream in “infERNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...”.
Your Simpsons character
Lisa Simpson
The user most closely matches Lisa Simpson: introspective, emotionally intense, and sharply opinionated. Like Lisa, they swing between earnest vulnerability and sardonic humor, e.g. calling PMS a serious struggle in “tpm deveria ser considerado como distúrbio, estou chorando por que sou solteira que mundo maldito” while also joking about life being unbearable in “hoje eu acordei e minha primeira fala foi deveriamos todos nos matar”. They show strong moral reactions and feminist frustration, as in “pior coisa é falar com homem, sobre misoginia ainda pqp” and calling out harmful behavior in “esse tipo de gente fode com o movimento porra que mulher chata”, which fits Lisa’s activist streak. At the same time, they are deeply emotional and loyal in relationships, saying “funfact sobre mim é que se eu te amo você não vai sair da minha vida nem com reza braba” and reflecting on being the kind of girl who stays even when hurt in “sou o tipo de garota que quando ama, não importa o que você faça, eu continuo lá”. Their mix of pop-culture obsession, intense feelings, self-deprecating humor, and social conscience is very Lisa-coded, just expressed with more swearing and stan-Twitter energy.
Your MBTI personality Type
ENFP
They come across as energized by people, pop culture events, and online interaction, suggesting Extraversion: they live-tweet shows and music (“e o premio de flop of the year vai para justin bieber!”, “amanha vou ver minhas sisterssss 💃💃💃💃💃”) and share lots of inside jokes and shout‑outs to friends and family (“tia ka me chamando de li 🥹”, “amo minhas amigas”). Their tweets are metaphorical, fandom‑heavy, and associative rather than detail‑oriented, which leans Intuition: they spin emotional narratives and abstract takes (“meu cérebro não sabe a diferença entre ser ignorada e tomar um tiro”, “ultimamente eu sinto que eu falo sozinha”) more than concrete step‑by‑step observations. They clearly prioritize emotions, relationships, and values over detached logic, pointing to Feeling: they dramatize love and attachment (“funfact sobre mim é que se eu te amo você não vai sair da minha vida nem com reza braba”) and react strongly to perceived injustice or annoyance (“esse tipo de gente fode com o movimento porra que mulher chata”). Finally, their life seems spontaneous and mood‑driven rather than structured, consistent with Perceiving: they joke about chaotic sleep and plans (“amanha eu vou fazer tanta coisa que eu ja to cansada”, “eu acordando after duas horas de sono 💜”) and lean into emotional highs and lows instead of orderly scheduling (“a alissa ou tá morrendo ou chorando”). Taken together, the expressive social energy, abstract emotional focus, value‑driven reactions, and flexible, unstructured lifestyle align best with ENFP.
Some pickup lines for you
- You said ‘my brain doesn’t know the difference between being ignored and getting shot’ — lucky for you, I’m terrible at ignoring people I like. Want to help my brain learn the difference over some very loud, very attentive texting?
- As a fellow Manchild™ who always comes running back, I’m just here wondering: do I have to flop harder than Justin Bieber at the Grammys to earn a ‘clima pesou’ tweet about me, or can I just take you out first?
- You said when you love someone they never leave your life, and that if you love someone, not even strong prayers can take them away. I’m not very religious, but I’d totally risk becoming your permanent little curse.
- Real Mitski fans don’t listen to Mitski — deal. We can put Taylor on repeat instead, scream ‘my heart, my hips, my body, my love’ together, and you can decide later if I deserve playlist access or a full Spotify block speedrun.
- Between crying over Stranger Things theories, yelling at Yuri Alberto, and defending Elena & Stefan, you still found time to hate Christmas and love Baco… I feel like we’re one sleepless ‘after duas horas de sono’ morning away from being a very chaotic couple.
Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
CBJR enthusiast, Stranger Things theorist & chronic overthinker. Once got scared by a church next door and tweeted through the entire sermon.– @alissameupelo
Your signature cocktail
Cólica & Clima Pesado Highball
This cocktail is strong and dramatic, because someone who tweets “k##kkkkkkkkkkk vou me matar” and “cólica, pesadelos e choro” doesn’t need a mild drink. The smoky mezcal is the chaos of yelling “MATHEUSZINHO VAI TOMAR NO CUUUUUUUUU” while still showing up for life. Cold brew adds the insomnia-core vibes of “eu acordando after duas horas de sono 💜”, keeping the energy sharp and a bit unhinged. Hibiscus syrup gives it a bleeding-heart sweetness for the one who says “funfact sobre mim é que se eu te amo você não vai sair da minha vida nem com reza braba”. Lime and sparkling water cut through the heaviness with sarcastic sparkle, like tweeting “meu cérebro não sabe a diferença entre ser ignorada e tomar um tiro” and then immediately clowning over pop culture and football. Overall it’s bitter, sweet, and slightly self-destructive—perfect for someone whose bio is literally “gosto de pesar o clima.”
Your Hogwarts House
Hufflepuff
Alissa shows strong loyalty and attachment to people she loves, even when it hurts, which is very Hufflepuff-coded. She describes herself as the kind of girl who stays no matter what someone does to her in “sou o tipo de garota que quando ama, não importa o que você faça, eu continuo lá (futuro saco de pancada” and reinforces this with “funfact sobre mim é que se eu te amo você não vai sair da minha vida nem com reza braba”. This stubborn devotion to friends and loved ones, even to her own detriment, fits Hufflepuff’s loyalty more than Slytherin’s self-preservation. She’s also emotionally open and self-deprecating rather than calculating, as seen in tweets like “a alissa ou tá morrendo ou chorando” and her playful affection for friends in “amo minhas amigas”. While she has flashes of anger and dark humor, the throughline is a deeply loyal, ride-or-die personality, making Hufflepuff the best fit.
Your movie
Your song
All Too Well (10 Minute Version) - Taylor Swift
A song that fits them best is All Too Well (10 Minute Version), because their timeline is full of intense emotions, heartbreak and overthinking. They quote Taylor directly and melodramatically, like in “my heart, my hips, my body, my love trying to find a part of me that you didn't touch gave up on me like i was a bad drug now i'm searching for signs in a haunted club”, which mirrors the raw, confessional style of this song. Their tweets about being the kind of girl who keeps loving no matter what — “sou o tipo de garota que quando ama, não importa o que você faça, eu continuo lá (futuro saco de pancada” — match the song’s theme of staying even when it hurts. Posts like “meu cérebro não sabe a diferença entre ser ignorada e tomar um tiro” and “prometi nunca mais e tres dias depois foi de novo” show the same cycle of hurt, nostalgia and inability to fully let go that defines All Too Well. Even her dark humor about pain, like “a alissa ou tá morrendo ou chorando”, fits the dramatic, diary-entry intensity that fans associate with this track.
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