Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
- Faithful conviction: Ian openly integrates his Lutheran faith into his identity and worldview, citing Romans 12:12 and crediting God for his hope.
- Artistic appreciation: He shows diverse interest in culture, from praising the silent film The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari to discussing classical suites like The Planets.
- Intellectual humility: He is capable of self-reflection and admitting errors, as seen when he says he will “put my foot in my mouth” regarding past support for certain strikes.
- Patriotic optimism: Ian maintains a strong sense of national pride and hope for the future, frequently using slogans like “AMERICA FOREVER!” and expressing hope for 2026.
- Principled independence: He avoids strict partisan blinders, occasionally praising Democrats for being “BASED” and noting that his movement “will outlive” any one leader.
Weaknesses:
- Hostile rhetoric: He occasionally uses aggressive or derogatory language toward those he disagrees with, such as calling Europeans “EUROTRASH”.
- Cynical ageism: He expresses a dismissive attitude toward younger voices, suggesting people should “disregard all political opinions from people under 18”.
- Generalizing tendencies: Ian makes broad, potentially offensive sweeps regarding groups, claiming “most ‘Jews’ are just ethnically Jewish” and lack devotion to heritage.
- Dismissive antagonism: He encourages the social exclusion of opponents by suggesting people “Mock them whenever you get the chance” rather than engaging in dialogue.
- Ideological rigidity: Ian tends to view complex economic issues through a narrow lens, flatly labeling grocery cooperatives “a scam” based on limited personal observation.
Your Simpsons character
Ned Flanders
Ian matches Ned Flanders through his unapologetic commitment to his faith and a generally cheerful, polite demeanor mixed with firm conservative values. Like Ned, he is a “✝️Lutheran” who frequently weaves his devotion into his daily life, noting that he holds “a lot of hope in my heart, mostly thanks to God!”. Despite his kindness, he remains a staunch “conservative Christian” who is highly critical of perceived immorality or leftist policy. Even his enthusiastic, almost wholesome celebration of niche interests mirrors Flanders' own quirks, such as when he exclaims, “Merry Christmas everyone! God bless!” or expresses genuine joy for his favorite media.
Your MBTI personality Type
ENFP
Ian displays the Extroversion and Intuition of an ENFP through his highly vocal, energetic online presence and his tendency to connect disparate cultural topics, from politics to My Little Pony. His social energy is evident in his excitement for community interaction, such as when he celebrates “finally got a post over 100 likes!” and engages in frequent fandom discourse. He demonstrates the Feeling trait by prioritizing personal values and moral conviction, often using emotional language like “Still, I also hold a lot of hope in my heart, mostly thanks to God!” and expressing strong empathy for international causes. Finally, his Perceiving nature shows in his eclectic interests and spontaneous reactions to news, admitting he is “still young and scrappy” while maintaining an open-ended, idealistic worldview that seeks constant change.
Some pickup lines for you
- I may not be a politician, but I’m ready to cross the aisle and nominate you for 'Best Pony' in my heart—sorry, Luna!
- Are you the Marco Rubio of 2028? Because you’ve definitely converted me into a true believer, and I’m ready to jump on the campaign trail with you.
- I promise I’m more than just 'ethnically' into you—I’ve got the devotion of a Lutheran and the common sense of a Friedman W.
- I’d survive any silent film or 70s-style economic crisis as long as I’m watching 'The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari' with you.
- Is your name Austin? Because you look like a total genius to me, and I’d definitely deregulate my heart just to let you in.
Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
Minnesota native and Lutheran voice exploring the intersection of Liberty and the Gospel. 22. Loves My Little Pony, classical suites, and Rubio. Ask about my birthday post reaching 100 likes!– @ayantheartist
Your signature cocktail
The Patriotic Pony-Tail
This drink is a 'scrappy' blend of Minnesota roots and high-proof American patriotism, served with a garnish that honors his favorite 'Best Pony.' It kicks off with a bold spirit because, as he says, “SUCK IT, EUROTRASH! AMERICA FOREVER!”. The sweet apple cider and maple syrup reflect his more whimsical side, specifically his belief that “Applejack would be [Christian] too if Christianity existed in Equestria”. Finally, a float of red wine honors his Lutheran faith and his hope for 2028, since he’s “not afraid of what others think” when it comes to his convictions.
Your Hogwarts House
Gryffindor
Ian R. Hoss embodies the Gryffindor traits of boldness and standing up for his convictions, even when they are unpopular. He explicitly values leadership and bravery, stating that a true leader is “not afraid of what others think”. His bio confirms he strives to be “patient in affliction” and he displays the house's signature fiery impulsiveness when defending his national pride, shouting “SUCK IT, EUROTRASH! AMERICA FOREVER!”. Ultimately, his focus on heroism and the belief that “change takes a village, not one guy” highlights a Gryffindor-esque commitment to a cause larger than himself.
Your movie
Your song
American Ride - Toby Keith
This song perfectly encapsulates Ian’s blend of patriotic fervor, conservative skepticism of modern culture, and his self-described 'young and scrappy' but 'cynical' worldview. He explicitly showcases his national pride with tweets like “SUCK IT, EUROTRASH! AMERICA FOREVER! 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🦅🦅🦅” while simultaneously critiquing government overreach and economic policies, such as when he claims “taxation is theft”. The song’s focus on the chaotic nature of the modern world aligns with his observation that “The 2020s are already like the 70s in nearly every other way”. Ultimately, Ian’s frequent political commentary and his hope in God mirror the track's exploration of the complicated, often contradictory journey of being a modern American.
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