Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
- Playful humor: Frequently uses jokes and meme-y phrasing, like “every time a tweet flops, a child in Namibia takes their last breath” and “I’m ovulating”, to keep the timeline light and entertaining.
- Self-aware: Openly acknowledges their own clout-chasing and flop anxiety, e.g. “Lowkey in my flop era” and “well that really flopped”.
- Politically engaged: Shows clear political stances, such as “Abolish ICE.” and criticism of Trump supporters in “I assume that every Trump supporter has had some history of traumatic brain injury”.
- Sex-positive: Comfortable discussing sexuality and their body, e.g. “My hole is sore” and jokingly describing themselves as a “strict bottom”.
- Community-oriented: Engages followers with Q&As and gratitude, like “I’ll answer questions for an hour cuz I’m bored” and thanking donors in “we have managed to far surpass our goal… We are so incredibly grateful”.
Weaknesses:
- Harsh rhetoric: Uses demeaning language toward political opponents, e.g. “every Trump supporter has had some history of traumatic brain injury”, which can come off as dehumanizing.
- Attention reliance: Frequently ties mood to engagement, as in “This app pmo because my account was suppressed… I just want my dopamine rush” and multiple references to tweets “flopping.”
- Risky oversharing: Shares explicit sexual details and nude-selling context publicly, like “My hole is sore” and the GoFundMe/nudes discussion in “I don’t have a reason to sell any more of my nudes”.
- Provocative edginess: Uses shock value that can read as insensitive, such as the Namibia joke in “every time a tweet flops, a child in Namibia takes their last breath”.
- Safety anxiety: Expresses intense fear and catastrophizing around campus safety, e.g. “Well fuck me, they’re never finding the shooter. The FBI is run by incompetent buffoons… Can’t wait to spend the next semester in a constant state of paranoia”.
Your Simpsons character
Bart Simpson
Ayden most closely matches Bart Simpson: a chaotic, attention-loving menace with a surprising streak of care under the surface. Like Bart, he thrives on mischief and provocation, from horny shitposts like “classes canceled tomorrow which means another day of being a whore” to gleefully outrageous lines such as “never trust a man who’s dick curves right, it probably means that they’re a republican”. He’s hyper-aware of his own notoriety and engagement, talking about flops and suppression in tweets like “Lowkey in my flop era” and “This app pmo because my account was suppressed… I just want my dopamine rush 😭”, which fits Bart’s need for an audience. At the same time, he’s political and gleefully anti-right wing, echoing Bart’s rebellious streak with posts like “Abolish ICE.” and “I assume that every Trump supporter has had some history of traumatic brain injury”. And just like Bart occasionally shows heart, Ayden’s gratitude and vulnerability show through in posts such as his GoFundMe thanks (“we have managed to far surpass our goal… We are so incredibly grateful”), rounding him out as a messy, loud, but ultimately human Bart type rather than a purely cynical troll.
Your MBTI personality Type
ENFP
They read as an Extrovert (E): they openly seek attention and interaction, centering their online identity around visibility, thirst traps, and follower engagement, e.g. celebrating milestones like “Thank you for 25k followers!!! 🫠” and joking about being a campus micro-celebrity in “Whenever I’m on my campus, I look around and wonder if anybody knows about my Twitter account”. Their humor and interests show Intuition (N): they make lots of abstract or metaphorical statements and cultural references rather than focusing on concrete details, as in “Cold weather is spiritually Israeli” and the dramatic hyperbole of “every time a tweet flops, a child in Namibia takes their last breath”. They lean strongly Feeling (F), prioritizing values and emotional reactions over detached logic, especially in moral/political tweets like “Abolish ICE.” and “The fact that this man will probably never be arrested and tried for murder is a horrific thought”, and in gratitude toward donors in “we have managed to far surpass our goal… We are so incredibly grateful”. Their lifestyle and posting style suggest Perceiving (P): they are spontaneous, go with the flow, and joke about chaos rather than structure, like “classes canceled tomorrow which means another day of being a whore” and the impulsive tone of “I kinda want to do that penis shadow trend, but that might be a bit too much”. Putting this together—outgoing, attention-loving, emotionally expressive, value-driven, and improvisational—they fit best as ENFP.
Some pickup lines for you
- You keep worrying about tweets flopping, but honestly, the only thing I want flopping is me onto your bed after you’re done being a ‘strict bottom’ legend on campus.
- You said cold weather is ‘spiritually Israeli’ and that you’re ‘somewhat snatched’—how about we make it canonically Jewish and officially snatched by taking you on a winter date in New England and letting me worship you like it’s Mecca AND the Vatican getting shut down.
- You defend Lana, Madonna, Addison, and even Powell—when do I get my turn to be aggressively defended in your mentions and gently bullied in your DMs?
- Since your Venmo is in your bio and your GoFundMe already surpassed its goal, can I donate my time instead? I promise more ROI than iOS 26’s ugly UI and fewer glitches than your ‘flop era.’
- You keep talking about being a demon twink, a strict bottom, and having a sore hole—if you ever need a break from the chaos, I can also just bring fruit snacks, hype up your thirst traps, and make sure the only thing reported is how obsessed I am with you.
Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
New England college kid mapping storms, pop culture, and politics. Once sold nudes for a GoFundMe, now just here for Lana leaks and snow days.– @AydenMakesMaps
Your signature cocktail
The Demon Twink Blizzard
This cocktail is strong, chaotic, and a little dangerous, just like a self‑proclaimed “Demon Twink” who says “classes canceled tomorrow which means another day of being a whore”. The silver tequila with chili-salt rim represents their sharp political bite and willingness to drag Trump supporters as in “I assume that every Trump supporter has had some history of traumatic brain injury”. Electric blue curaçao adds a flashy, thirst-trappy vibe for all the mirror pics and “flop era” anxieties like “I would like to post a photo later but I’m not prepared for it to flop”. Cranberry juice brings New England winter realness and storm drama, echoing “the storm has arrived” and campus lockdown paranoia in “Can’t wait to spend the next semester in a constant state of paranoia 😀”. Sparkling hard cider nods to cozy New England fall energy and their softer side thanking mutuals in “Hi all, I just wanted to thank everyone who donated to the GoFundMe”. The frozen grape “fruit snacks” garnish is a playful wink to “does anyone want a fruit snack?”, turning a silly tweet into a crunchy, icy little power move on top of the glass.
Your Hogwarts House
Gryffindor
Ayden fits best in Gryffindor because of their loud, confrontational confidence and willingness to stand openly for their beliefs. They show a bold, combative political streak, casually tweeting things like “Abolish ICE.” and “I assume that every Trump supporter has had some history of traumatic brain injury”, which reflects the classic Gryffindor tendency to charge straight at what they see as injustice without softening the blow. Their reaction to threats and fear also tracks with Gryffindor: after campus violence and FBI incompetence, they vent with, “Well fuck me, they’re never finding the shooter. The FBI is run by incompetent buffoons Can’t wait to spend the next semester in a constant state of paranoia 😀”, which mixes fear with a darkly brave, confront-the-world attitude rather than retreat. They relish public scrutiny and controversy instead of hiding from it, bragging that “People have tried to cancel me like a dozen different times on this app, but they always fail”, a very Gryffindor "come at me" energy. Even their overt sexuality and thirst-trap posting—e.g., “I like when he uses me as a stool” and the constant joking about nudes and bottoms—shows a kind of fearless, performative boldness rather than calculated Slytherin image management. While there’s wit and self-awareness in lines like “every time a tweet flops, a child in Namibia takes their last breath”, the dominant pattern is impulsive, values-driven bravado, which is quintessentially Gryffindor rather than the more cerebral Ravenclaw or quietly loyal Hufflepuff.
Your movie
Your song
G.U.Y. - Lady Gaga
Lady Gaga’s G.U.Y. fits Ayden’s blend of campy sexuality, self-awareness, and pop-diva obsession. They lean into a proudly sexual, bottom-coded persona with tweets like “ayden (strict bottom) mentioned?!?”, “My hole is sore”, and “classes canceled tomorrow which means another day of being a whore”, echoing the song’s submissive-yet-empowered sexual energy. Their love of pop girls and cult-favorite divas appears in posts like “Lana on top once again”, “Manifesting that Lana actually drops her album this month”, and defending pop stars such as in “pov: me defending Addison from all the ‘flop’ and ‘talentless’ accusations”, which matches Gaga’s over-the-top pop world. G.U.Y. is playful, horny, and knowingly dramatic—just like Ayden’s thirst traps, from “you could say i’m somewhat snatched” to “final thirst trap of the year will be coming later today 😁”.
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