Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
- Darkly-humorous: Uses sharp, absurd humor to process stress, e.g. joking about paperwork after restraining a student in “Had to wrestle a 12 year old for half an hour and now have to spend twice that time filling out paperwork, this is what George W Bush dreamed of”.
- Politically-engaged: Follows and critiques policy, labor, and geopolitics, such as district decisions in “article about how my district is about to directly make my life and the life of my students measurably worse” and union talk in “I love engaging in reactionary trade unionism”.
- Self-reflective: Regularly analyzes their own life choices and feelings, like breaking dating rules in “Breaking my 'Don't date coworkers' rule wasn't a good idea, but it has led to a very funny three day crash out” and graduation from voice therapy in “Officially graduated from voice therapy, weird feeling but honestly I'm just out of things to complain about”.
- Affectionate-partner: Shows care and tenderness toward partners, e.g. sensory support in “gently cup their ears and hold their head to my chest until it was gone” and joking about future kids in “reason they’re more than comfortable having children with me”.
- Dedicated-educator: Clearly invested in students’ wellbeing, from handling seizures in “that terrifying seizure they just witnessed was under the time limit so it’s actually not a big deal at all and the kid can go back to trampoline time” to thoughtful observations about an autistic student in “this child’s official diagnosis is he has the soul of a slightly racist 54 year old gay man from Tampa”.
Weaknesses:
- Cynical-tone: Frequent bitter, fatalistic framing (e.g. bio calling venture “doomed” and “I don’t want to live in the TNO tinged uniparty regime”) can make their outlook seem overwhelmingly bleak.
- Combative-rhetoric: Uses aggressive language that may escalate conflict, like “If you don’t hang the Sacklers you’re a half measure pussy” and “Dirty asshole convention in the replies”.
- Self-deprecating: Leans heavily on insults toward self and identity, such as “gay loser” in bio and “What does Abundance offer to busted up troons with a gentle twinkle in their eye”, which may reinforce low self-worth.
- Overextended-life: Juggles intense work, social, and political commitments while sleep-deprived or stressed, seen in “48 hours no sleep voice: I gotta fucking tweet” and constant extra “homework” in “Gotta stop agreeing to things that require me to do homework”.
- Risky-boundaries: Admits to boundary-crossing choices like dating coworkers in “Breaking my 'Don't date coworkers' rule wasn't a good idea” and gleefully giving their full legal name at CIA-themed events in “giving my full legal name to beautiful women wearing CIA paraphernalia”, hinting at impulsive risk-taking.
Your Simpsons character
Lisa Simpson
They read as a grown-up, extremely-online Lisa Simpson who’s traded the sax for union meetings and weird theory. Like Lisa, they’re idealistic and politically engaged but also deeply cynical, e.g. talking about their district making life worse for them and their students in “article about how my district is about to directly make my life and the life of my students measurably worse” and joking, dead seriously, about labor politics in “I love engaging in reactionary trade unionism”. The Lisa parallel also shows up in the mix of precocious moral seriousness and sardonic humor, as when they diagnose a student with “the soul of a slightly racist 54 year old gay man from Tampa, not ‘autism’ or whatever”. Their life is basically a string of earnest causes filtered through irony—going from a Maoist study group to upscale sushi in “to demonstrate my commitment to the struggle of the working class”—which is very Lisa-trying-to-do-good-in-a-ridiculous-world energy. Even the self-aware overachiever angst fits: they note they’ve become a beautiful woman, landed their dream job, and found love, then conclude, with that same Lisa-ish self-consciousness, “I have no more ambitions, I’ve won, and it sucks”.
Your MBTI personality Type
ENFP
They read as more Extrovert than Introvert: they frequently mention meeting new people and social situations, e.g. “Gonna meet a new group of people tonight and considering my fit…”, “Another wonderful night of giving my full legal name to beautiful women wearing CIA paraphernalia”, and openly process their life in public rather than keeping it private. Their style is strongly Intuitive: instead of just describing events, they spin them into concepts or metaphors, like “Like a fungal growth it infects my mind…The Numbers unfurl across the back of my eyelids…” or treating The Santa Clause 2 as “an important movie about determining how much mana you’re willing to expend to acquire cosmically required pussy”, showing a preference for symbolic, big-picture framing over simple sensory accounts. Their judgments are heavily value- and empathy-driven, signaling Feeling over Thinking: they care about the impact of institutions and discourse on vulnerable people, e.g. “The thing that always stuns me about ICE is their operational procedures are so fucking bad…” and “There’s a bizarre, very popular American opinion that a large portion of state oppression and violence is permissible…”, and they emphasize care in personal relationships, such as “I could gently cup their ears and hold their head to my chest until it was gone”. They appear more Perceiving than Judging: they lean into spontaneity and chaotic life patterns—staying up 48 hours to post (“48 hours no sleep voice: I gotta fucking tweet…”), joking about financially perilous ideas (“I feel like my eyes turn grey upon acquiescing to financially perilous ideas (ignore the mischievous imp)”), and overcommitting to things that give them “homework” (“Gotta stop agreeing to things that require me to do homework…”) rather than projecting a tight, structured lifestyle. The combination of outward social engagement, playful but intense abstract riffing, emotionally charged political and interpersonal commentary, and a flexible, sometimes chaotic approach to life fits best with ENFP: an energetic, idealistic, socially attuned intuitive who processes the world through humor, values, and improvisation.
Some pickup lines for you
- If your district’s determined to make your life ‘measurably worse,’ I feel it’s only fair I balance the IEP by taking you out for drinks and differentiated instruction in being doted on.
- You said The Santa Clause 2 is about how much mana you’ll spend to get cosmically required pussy; I’m just wondering what level spell slot I need to burn to multiclass from ‘guy at the bar’ into ‘your Significant Other On Sonar.’
- You gently cupping your autistic lover’s ears during a siren is the sweetest thing I’ve ever read on here; if we ever date, I promise to return the favor during every fire truck, BART screech, and World Cup-ticket discourse meltdown.
- Officially graduated from voice therapy, beautiful selfies, union meetings, and a backyard weight set in the rain? As a prospective admirer, I just want to disclose that my primary diagnosis is ‘crushing on the slightly racist 54‑year‑old gay man from Tampa soul trapped in a hot teacher.’
- You: leaving a Maoist study group for upscale sushi, getting mistaken for white liv agar, and being gang-stalked by the transbay tunnel. Me: wondering if there’s room in your reactionary trade unionism for one more comrade who brings ginger candies and doesn’t let ICE or axe body spray near you.
Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
Middle school special ed teacher in SF. Ex-Costa Rica real estate CFO. Once wrestled a 12-year-old then did double the time in paperwork.– @BereavedBelts
Your signature cocktail
The Transbay Tunnel Loud Girl
Overproof rum with cold brew stands in for the sleepless, hyper-posting teacher energy of “48 hours no sleep voice: I gotta fucking tweet, gotta post, right fucking now” and the exhausted educator wrestling bureaucracy in “Had to wrestle a 12 year old for half an hour and now have to spend twice that time filling out paperwork”. Sour cherry liqueur captures the wryly romantic, trans-lesbian melancholy of “Breaking my 'Don't date coworkers' rule wasn't a good idea, but it has led to a very funny three day crash out…” and “One day I’ll meet another non autistic trans woman”. Salted brown sugar syrup represents the unexpected warmth and care under cynicism, like gently holding an autistic lover through sensory hell in “I could gently cup their ears and hold their head to my chest until it was gone” and showing absurd devotion to students in “this child’s official diagnosis is he has the soul of a slightly racist 54 year old gay man from Tampa”. A dash of chili bitters reflects the sharp, political bite of lines like “If you don’t hang the Sacklers you’re a half measure pussy” and “American manufacturing so hollowed out they can’t even manufacture consent”. Finally, the lime peel over crushed ice nods to the sensory-overload, urban Bay Area chaos of “They made the transbay tunnel loud again to make me suffer” and the salty, windblown self-destruction of “I think it’s one of those nights I should run into the sea”, making the drink bright, weird, and surprisingly refreshing.
Your Hogwarts House
Ravenclaw
They consistently show intellectual curiosity and a tendency to analyze ideas rather than just react to them, which points strongly to Ravenclaw. Their willingness to pick apart bad methodology and its ethical implications in a study, as in “Tried to give this the full benefit of the doubt, it would be such an interesting revelation, but the methodology is beyond sloppy and it ends with 'have you considered women in the past, without any sense of self, wouldn't mind being raped as much?'”, shows a critical, analytical mind. They describe themselves writing a “rambling essay on a niche cult” during vacation in “I might write a rambling essay on a niche cult again and drop in an Australian discord while none of them are awake to stop me in the moment”, and they clearly enjoy historical and political primary sources and theory, reflected in “Obviously doesn’t make you a great student of history, but only reading primary sources and only doing so completely uncritically seems a really fun way to live your life. Be the child enamored by the the one armed veteran’s tales in the village pub”. Their humor is also very cerebral and referential—jokes about Star Trek, TNO, mech as “neo feudal storytelling device” in “I unfortunately grew up on a much different set of media than most other trans women, and instead view the mech as a neo feudal storytelling device” all show a love of abstract frameworks and worldbuilding. While they are caring and politically passionate (traits that could suggest Hufflepuff or Gryffindor), the throughline of their posting is sharp wit, constant analysis, and niche intellectual interests, which are quintessentially Ravenclaw.
Your movie
Your song
Shake It Out - Florence + The Machine
They balance genuine happiness with a long, self-aware history of suffering and political frustration, much like the song’s tension between darkness and hard-won catharsis. They openly describe having "become a beautiful woman, land my dream job, and find the love of my life" while saying they "have no more ambitions" and "hate being white" “I’ve unfortunately managed to become a beautiful woman, land my dream job, and find the love of my life within a single year. I have no more ambitions, I’ve won, and it sucks. I hate being white”, which mirrors the track’s sense of victory that’s still haunted by old ghosts. Their gallows humor about work and institutions, like wrestling a student and blaming it on Bush-era policy momentum “Had to wrestle a 12 year old for half an hour and now have to spend twice that time filling out paperwork, this is what George W Bush dreamed of”, and their ongoing political/union engagement “I love engaging in reactionary trade unionism”, echo the song’s desire to purge the past while still being enmeshed in it. Their posts about formerly suicidal depression giving way to sustained happiness “Been happy for so long I’ve started to really empathize with the friends that went ‘wow that sucks dog’ when I was suicidally depressed” fit perfectly with the chorus’s release of old burdens. Even their dramatic, slightly mystical turns of phrase about paranoia, AI, and being "gang stalked" by sensory overload “Like a fungal growth it infects my mind, my children, my work, my home, my life, I close my eyes and The Numbers unfurl across the back of my eyelids like a sickly sweet spring flower in bloom” feel very in tune with Florence Welch’s overwrought, gothic emotional palette.
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