Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
- Unique: Their tweets show individuality.
Weaknesses:
- Mysterious: Hard to analyze from limited content.
Your Simpsons character
Lisa Simpson
This user most closely matches Lisa Simpson, but as if Lisa grew up extremely online, ironic, and jaded. Like Lisa, they’re hyper-romantic, introspective, and intellectual, turning feelings into philosophy, as in “I think if you can reason why you love someone, you don’t love them at all. I think love is the most irrational thing in the world” and “All I’ve ever wanted to be is someone’s happy ending where the stars collide!”. They have a spiritual and moral streak that still wrestles with darkness and guilt, like “Jesus makes me cry” and “I have realised nothing Nothing NOTHING belongs to me but my sins…”, which echoes Lisa’s constant ethical self-questioning. Their intense sensitivity and sense of not fitting in—“There has never been a place for people like me in this world…” and “I don’t belong in the world that’s what it is”—feel very Lisa-coded, just filtered through a more feral, postmodern sensibility. Even their fixation on art, film, literature, and music (Pulp, Bob Dylan, Twin Peaks, international film screenings) mirrors Lisa’s cultured side, only with much more chaotic humor, as in “Emotionally constipated anaemic man believes he is Hemingway…. And I want to kiss him….. Tale as old as time!”.
Your MBTI personality Type
INFP
They read as an Introvert: much of their joy is in intimate bonds and interiority rather than broad social display, e.g. “I never tell anyone anything about me because if you truly loved me my entire life would be unveiled through your dreams” and “Putting my hand in someone else’s has always been my definition of happiness”, which emphasizes depth over breadth. Their style is strongly Intuitive: they default to metaphor, symbolism, and surreal imagery rather than concrete facts, as in “THE future film I shall direct actually is Lady with bush crawls into fig, lays eggs, dies” and “Well I met a sparrow when I was 8 and I never saw him again. And oftentimes I do wonder if he still passes by the cities who’ve had their doors locked by the vicissitudes of time”. Their judgments are clearly Feeling-based and value-driven, using emotional intensity rather than detached logic: “All I’ve ever wanted to be is someone’s happy ending where the stars collide!” and “I think if you can reason why you love someone, you don’t love them at all. I think love is the most irrational thing in the world”. They appear Perceiving rather than structured: their life is portrayed as spontaneous, chaotic, and emotionally driven—“I can’t stop having meltdowns, I seriously need to be sedated” and “I am so looking forward to things tomorrow like the Marlboro reds I shall smoke and the tea I shall drink…” show present-focused, improvisational living rather than detailed planning. Taken together—introspective, poetic, values-heavy, and somewhat chaotic—they best fit INFP.
Some pickup lines for you
- You’re saving yourself for esdeekid and for Leonard Cohen in heaven, but what if in the meantime you practiced on a Burger King–loving ex-alternative boy who’ll go to international film screenings with you and pretend to understand Twin Peaks?
- If dating a history student is listening to the invention of the vacuum cleaner, date me instead—I’ll give a full lecture on the semiotics of ‘Lady with bush crawls into fig, lays eggs, dies’ and then cite John Waters as my primary source.
- You said if someone truly loved you, your whole life would be unveiled through their dreams—tragic, because I keep waking up halfway through the scene where we kiss at the bisexual DJ’s set and you steal my Marlboro Reds.
- You miss Bob Dylan, cry over Leonard Cohen, and feel sick from the first 20 seconds of certain songs—so how about we make a pact: I’ll be your sad man with a prayer book and a Pulp playlist, and you can be the hand in mine that turns all that into ‘Everything will be okay’ energy.
- You think love is irrational, prelinguistic, gelatinous amniotic-sack twin stuff—so can I skip saying ‘I love you’ and just hold your hand in the library like we’re stillborn soulmates who finally got preserved in something other than a jar?
Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
Film girl with a theology kink. Once cried over a Bob Dylan B-side in a Burger King. Writing, smoking, and overthinking love for research purposes.– @bleedsmedry
Your signature cocktail
The Lady with Bush Negroni (For Cold or Hete, I Dye)
This cocktail is strong, theatrical, and a bit unhinged, like someone who says “For cold or hete, I dye.” while chain-smoking and writing a film treatment called Lady with bush crawls into fig, lays eggs, dies (“Thinking about the future films I shall direct…”). The smoky peated Scotch stands in for their devotion to doomed, romantic men and maggoty marrow lovers (“The only man who can save me? He is me he’s the maggots in my bone marrow my only loverrrrrer”) and their constant sense of exile from the world (“There has never been a place for people like me in this world…”). Campari brings bitter red drama for the serial-cheating, goon-folder-surviving love life (“We survived serial cheating, eating disorders, Filipinos, antisemitism, Texas, discord, weight gain, wasians.”) and all those tweets wishing amputations and ethnic annihilation upon the annoying (“I think if I found your tweet annoying then your hands should be amputated”, “Sometimes when I really hate someone I start wishing death on their entire ethnicity. I wish I could stop”). Dry vermouth is the library-romantic, film-school-networking, Pulp-concert-talking side of them (“The library is very romantic”, “I use Letterboxd for Networking”), while chocolate bitters and the smoked-salt Marlboro rim nod to their soft, maternal streak and sentimentalism hidden under all the barbed wire (“I feel a maternal instinct when I look at him”, “I am so looking forward to things tomorrow like the Marlboro reds I shall smoke and the tea I shall drink…”). It’s a bitter-sweet, slightly sacrilegious aperitivo for a girl who cries over Jesus and Bob Dylan, saves herself for Leonard Cohen in heaven, and believes love is irrational and prelinguistic (“Jesus makes me cry”, “I’m saving myself for death. For when I meet Leonard Cohen in heaven”, “I think if you can reason why you love someone, you don’t love them at all.”, “our love is prelinguistic, gelatinous and oh I remember the amniotic sack which we shared!”).
Your Hogwarts House
Ravenclaw
Their tweets show a distinctly cerebral, hyper-observant, and self-consciously literary personality that aligns most with Ravenclaw. They constantly aestheticize experience and language itself, e.g. imagining future films like “Lady with bush smokes cigarette. Lady with bush kills someone. Lady with bush falls in love with cockroach. Man drinks lady with bush’s period blood. Lady with bush fornicates with sea”, which reveals a bizarre but very deliberate creative imagination. They frame their life through art, cinema, and literature—see references to directing films, John Waters as a father figure in “John Waters is like a father figure to me”, and an almost academic romanticization of songs and albums like “One of the most romantic songs ever written…… no one understands this”. Even their self-mythologizing is intellectualized and syntactically playful, as in “I think of my bf as my twin brother and never say ‘I love you’ because our love is prelinguistic, gelatinous and oh I remember the amniotic sack which we shared!”, which shows a love of complex, strange concepts over simple emotional language. While there are flashes of Slytherin-style cruelty or extremity in posts like “I think if I found your tweet annoying then your hands should be amputated”, these are mostly rhetorical flourishes rather than signs of real-world ambition or cunning. Overall, their identity seems built around wit, aesthetic sensibility, and creative introspection far more than bravery, loyalty, or ambition, making Ravenclaw the best fit.
Your movie
Your song
Chelsea Hotel #2 - Leonard Cohen
Leonard Cohen fits them on the face of it— they literally say “I’m saving myself for death. For when I meet Leonard Cohen in heaven”—but Chelsea Hotel #2 in particular mirrors their mix of romantic idealism, perversity, and self-awareness. The song dwells on brief, sordid, yet holy encounters, which resonates with their tweets about love as irrational and bodily, like “I think if you can reason why you love someone, you don’t love them at all. I think love is the most irrational thing in the world” and “The animal of my body is not something I control. Okay?”. Cohen’s tone of guilty tenderness and wry cruelty matches how they romanticize and brutalize at once, e.g. “I know I am mentally exhausted when I don’t have enough energy to verbally abuse my boyfriends” and “Putting my hand in someone else’s has always been my definition of happiness”. The song’s awareness of transience—loving someone as a ghost you never really had—echoes their mourning for absent or half-known figures, like “I miss Bob Dylan. I am unsure how or why because he isn’t dead and I’ve never known him, but come home Bobby… come back to me…..”. Overall, Chelsea Hotel #2 captures their sensibility: erotic, Catholic-guilty, nostalgic, and intensely literary about every fleeting, messy attachment.
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