Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
- Humorous: Frequently uses jokes and memes, e.g. ironic threats about Porto losing in “Se o Porto não ganhar hoje eu vou comer o cu de alguém” and playful posts like “Cartão amarelo pro torcedor @bungasfafas24…”.
- Passionate: Shows strong dedication to Porto and Vasco in bio and repeated football commentary, such as “Bednarek é um autentico patrão… Temos de seguir assim” and multiple lineup/opinion tweets about Vasco.
- Self‑aware: Openly jokes about personal flaws and status, e.g. “Eu sou beta” and “Tenho um pessimo gosto e vale ressaltar que eu zerei nenhum desses”.
- Engaging: Frequently interacts with others via quoted tweets and questions, like “Tou a procura de alguém pra stalkear (tou entediado)” and participation in trends such as the self‑summary in “Resumo sobre eu”.
- Consistent: Maintains an active, long‑term presence, mentioning years on the platform in “Se for contar todas as contas que eu já tive no Twitter, vai fazer 6 anos a usar está merda” and posting regularly about recurring themes like football and gaming.
Weaknesses:
- Hostile: Uses aggressive language toward others, e.g. “tu deverias parar de buscar migalhas de atenção na internet seu fdp do caralho” and insults directed at teams/people like “Time lixo”.
- Suicidal_humor: Makes disturbing posts about suicide, including “Eu desafio todo elenco da Copinha cometer suicídio”, which crosses from dark humor into harmful content.
- Violent_language: Uses graphic or violent expressions about self and others, such as the detailed death threat joke in “kaka fodastico ira morrer com suas bolas explodidas…” and references like “Ruggeri na cadeira elétrica”.
- Crude_sexuality: Frequent explicit sexual jokes, e.g. “NOS DAMOS O CU PRA ADMAR LOPES” and “Ela: Usastes proteção? Eu: Usei sim A proteção:”.
- Pessimistic: Often expresses negative or bleak outlooks, like “ANO DE MERDA”, “Eu acho que o Vasco vai fazer uma temporada de merda, mas não assim tão merda”, and “Quero tornar o mundo um lugar pior”.
Your Simpsons character
Bart Simpson
The account matches Bart Simpson most closely: chaotic, irreverent, and constantly using edgy humor. The user leans into dark jokes and shock value, like when they say “Eu desafio todo elenco da Copinha cometer suicídio” and post an over-the-top fake death prediction about themselves in “kaka fodastico ira morrer com suas bolas explodidas...”, echoing Bart’s taste for taboo and prank-like provocation. There’s a strong trollish, class-clown vibe in posts such as “Hug, pass ou 'tu deverias parar de buscar migalhas de atenção na internet seu fdp do caralho'?” and “Pq eu so sigo tarados?”, which fits Bart’s constant need to stir things up and mock others (and himself). At the same time, the user shows bursts of self-deprecation and boredom, like “Eu sou beta” and “Tédio”, mirroring Bart’s mix of bravado and underlying insecurity. Their obsession with football clubs and dramatic reactions to games, as in “Se o Porto não ganhar hoje eu vou comer o cu de alguém”, also reflects Bart’s impulsive, exaggerated emotional swings and love of turning everything into a joke or provocation.
Your MBTI personality Type
ENTP
They lean Extrovert: they constantly interact with others, stir reactions and openly seek engagement, e.g. jokingly asking for someone to stalk with “Tou a procura de alguém pra stalkear (tou entediado)” and openly inserting themselves into others’ conversations in “Eu amo me intrometer na conversa dos outros”. Their style is strongly Intuitive: they exaggerate, create absurd scenarios and hyperbolic humor rather than sticking to concrete detail, like the darkly surreal prediction in “kaka fodastico ira morrer com suas bolas explodidas…” and the satirical club announcement in “É OFICIAL! O Club de Regatas Vasco da Gama anuncia que ela não te ama mais…”. They appear Thinking over Feeling: they are blunt, provocative and often insensitive for the sake of a joke, as in “Eu desafio todo elenco da Copinha cometer suicídio” or the mocking tone of “URGENTE NOTÍCIA TRISTE … foi encontrado com vida”. The overall vibe is Perceiving: their timeline is chaotic, impulsive and unstructured, jumping from football takes to self-deprecating humor and random memes, shown by posts like “Abro o Twitter Vejo um post merda Fecho o Twitter e so volto daqui a 5 horas” and the offhand life summary in “Resumo sobre eu… Mono ou poli?: ???? Isso é pra saber se eu sou monobola?”. Altogether this points most strongly to ENTP: an extroverted, irreverent, idea-spinning trollish debater who enjoys poking at people and playing with absurd or controversial humor more than maintaining order or harmony.
Some pickup lines for you
- You said you’re ‘beta’, but with that Porto analysis and Bednarek propaganda, you’re giving complete main character energy… let me be the clubista that only supports *you* this season.
- You were born on the day with the most people in the world and still can’t find anyone — lucky for you, I’m here to be the one person who actually shows up to your birthday match.
- If you can ‘give your ass for Admar Lopes’, I feel like giving a little bit of your time to someone who loves Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood and Guerras Secretas isn’t asking for much… shall we start our own crossover arc?
- You posted that challenge for the whole Copinha squad to disappear, but I’m doing the opposite: I’m officially signing a lifetime contract to stay in your DMs, no loan, no buyback clause.
- Your Vasco ‘Gabarito do Brasileirão 2026’ may be pure clubismo, but I’m ready to be even more delusional: I predict 38 rounds of you + me, zero relegation, and a 100% chance you finally stop being single.
Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
João Lucas | Portuguese football addict 🇵🇹 | FCP & Vasco sufferer by choice | Once bet my old account on Vasco and still haven’t learned my lesson– @BocchiPortista
Your signature cocktail
Kaká Fodastico’s Beta Rage Porto Bomb
This cocktail starts with White Port wine to honor his FC Porto soul and Portuguese roots, straight from the bio: “🇵🇹 Tuga Adepto do @FCPorto”, and his boastful match takes like “Bednarek é um autentico patrão… Temos de seguir assim”. A shot of Cachaça represents his deep Brazilian football chaos and Vasco obsession, from “Gabarito do Brasileirão 2026 E sim, eu sou MUITO clubista” and the tragicomic vibe of “Eu acho que o Vasco vai fazer uma temporada de merda, mas não assim tão merda”. Red energy drink channels his loud, terminally-online, zero-filter timeline energy, perfectly summarized by “Abro o Twitter Vejo um post merda Fecho o Twitter e so volto daqui a 5 horas” and his dramatic proclamation “ANO DE MERDA”. A hit of Lime juice adds a sharp, self-deprecating acidity, like when he declares “Eu sou beta” and wonders why “Pq eu so sigo tarados?”. Finally, a dash of chili tincture reflects his incendiary, over-the-top shitposting and dark humor, captured in bangers such as “Se o Porto não ganhar hoje eu vou comer o cu de alguém” and the wonderfully unhinged all-caps spam of “PROPOSTA MILIONÁRIA DO BESIKITAS PELO PITON…”. This is a strong, chaotic, semi-sweet but bitter-edged drink: fun at first sip, then it kicks you in the face—just like scrolling his timeline.
Your Hogwarts House
Slytherin
This user shows a very Slytherin mix of edge, dark humor, and self‑interested swagger. They explicitly say they want to make things worse rather than better: “Quero tornar o mundo um lugar pior”, which reflects an embrace of being the villain rather than the hero. Their willingness to casually wish harm on others for shock value, like “Eu desafio todo elenco da Copinha cometer suicídio”, points to a provocative, self-preserving detachment rather than Hufflepuff-style empathy. They show pride in being controversial and unbothered by public opinion, as with “Jamais me farão odiar o Monark”, which suggests contrarian ambition and stubbornness. Even their self-summary — “Quero tornar o mundo um lugar pior” paired with mocking, chaotic football takes like “Se o Porto não ganhar hoje eu vou comer o cu de alguém” — reads like someone who enjoys being cunning, abrasive, and unpredictably assertive, all core Slytherin traits.
Your movie
Your song
Tubthumping - Chumbawamba
A song about getting knocked down and getting back up fits them well because their timeline is a mix of constant frustration, dark humor, and stubborn passion. They’re always suffering with football yet keep coming back, like when they rant about Vasco but still follow everything closely in “Eu acho que o Vasco vai fazer uma temporada de merda, mas não assim tão merda” and scream about transfers in “PROPOSTA MILIONÁRIA DO BESIKITAS PELO PITON PROPOSTA MILIONÁRIA DO BESIKITAS PELO PITON...”. There’s a self-deprecating, chaotic resilience in posts like “Abro o Twitter Vejo um post merda Fecho o Twitter e so volto daqui a 5 horas” and “ANO DE MERDA”, but they never actually log off for good. Even when they talk about boredom and wanting to make the world worse in “Quero tornar o mundo um lugar pior”, they do it in a way that feels more like exaggerated comedy than genuine defeat. Like Tubthumping, their vibe is: complain loudly, get wrecked by life and football, and still show up shouting again the next day.
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