
Strengths and Weaknesses

Your Simpsons character
Lisa fits best because she’s intensely self-analytical, intelligent, and often trapped in her own head, much like this user’s anxious, overthinking tone. Tweets like “stg every time i get a headache i think amma die” and “overstimulated or dysphoria ?” show a constant internal dialogue and sensitivity that Lisa shares. The user is also socially frustrated and selectively misanthropic, echoing Lisa’s loneliness at school: “i want friends my age but i hate everyone my age”. Their identity struggles and dysphoria, seen in “literally kill to be amab” and “been putting off gettin a new binder till i get skinny”, parallel Lisa’s ongoing battles with how she’s perceived versus who she is. Even their dark humor and critical takes, like “am so tired of the alphabet squad”, feel like a more jaded, online-era version of Lisa’s sharp, sometimes exasperated commentary on the world.

Your MBTI personality Type
They read as more introverted than extroverted: most tweets are about their own routines, body, and thoughts rather than social events or group activities, e.g. worrying about driving tests, binders, and food, and saying things like “i want friends my age but i hate everyone my age”, which hints at social fatigue rather than seeking attention. Their focus is largely on internal experiences and mental states rather than external social validation. They lean slightly toward intuition (N) over sensing: even when referring to concrete things like food or weight, they often move quickly to self-concept or identity, as in “literally kill to be amab” and “been putting off gettin a new binder till i get skinny but like it’s been 2 years n am only gettin fatter :/”, showing preoccupation with abstract identity/dysphoria rather than just surface-level details. They also muse about categories and labels, e.g. “these neos r gettin out of hand 😭💀” and “am so tired of the alphabet squad”, which is more about systems of identity than concrete experiences. Their style suggests thinking (T) over feeling: they’re blunt, sarcastic, and often dismissive rather than emotionally conciliatory, e.g. “2019 was a weird fucking year” and “is it selfish to want to be in a relationship with a mentally stable person ?”. Even their self-directed comments are harsh and cutting, like “just found a bc from march n holy shit how did i let myself get that fat”, which reads more as critical analysis than emotional sharing. They also question logic explicitly: “ate sm shit yesterday but still lost, logic? nowhere”, showing a tendency to view things through a rational/analytical lens. Finally, they seem more perceiving (P) than judging: their routines feel chaotic and reactive rather than planned, as seen in “this weeks kinda turning into a shit show, i needa new routine” and “going through my sc memories was not a good idea lmao”. They often describe impulsive or unstructured behavior around food and life, like “the food wasn’t even good why tf did i have to keep stuffing my face” and “lmao i accidentally liked a tweet from my ex n now he’s probated his acc”, which suggests low planning and high spontaneity. Put together—introverted, somewhat abstract/identity-focused, blunt/analytical, and disorganized—the profile fits INTP best.

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20 • he/him • autistic trans guy navigating uni, work & too much coffee. Once failed a driving test, still convinced jackdaws are underrated.– @boiledKcals

Your signature cocktail
Meet The Relapse Jackdaw Fizz: jittery, a bit dark, but unexpectedly bright. The vodka–espresso base is for the sleep-deprived, overthinking energy of “driving test in 3 hrs, anxious shits have began 😈” and “stg every time i get a headache i think amma die”. Grapefruit juice brings a sharp, bitter-sweet hit, like the mix of dysphoria and self-deprecation in “been putting off gettin a new binder till i get skinny but like it’s been 2 years n am only gettin fatter :/” and “literally kill to be amab”. A splash of zero-sugar energy drink nods to their edtwt grind and the chaos of “nearly died multiple times just to burn the same amount of cals 😃” and “out of monster 💔”. Activated charcoal syrup makes it dark and moody, like the relapse jokes in “relapsing lol 🙃✌🏻” and “i miss when i didn’t have a job or uni so i could starve”, while the salted biscuit crumb rim is a crunchy tribute to “fuck why r biscuits so good”. It’s experimental, a little unhinged, and oddly endearing—just like the guy who tweets “jackdaws are so cute and for what” between thinspo and hamster panic.

Your Hogwarts House
The strongest through-line in @boiledKcals’ tweets is an intense, sometimes ruthless ambition toward a specific body ideal, even when it’s clearly harming them, which aligns most with Slytherin’s driven, results-focused nature. They celebrate weight loss milestones like a strategic win, e.g. “ayo finally losing again, 140s was hard asf” and “unpinning at ✨160lbs✨”, and talk about pushing themselves dangerously for progress in “nearly died multiple times just to burn the same amount of cals 😃”. There’s also a sharp, somewhat cutting way they talk about themselves and others that fits Slytherin’s edge, like “just found a bc from march n holy shit how did i let myself get that fat” and the dark humor in “literally kill to be amab”. Their ability to hide disordered behavior under a socially acceptable veneer, as in “i thought i was being sus but my parents just think i’m ‘healthy eating’ anyways 💀”, shows classic Slytherin resourcefulness and self-preservation. While there are hints of anxiety and sensitivity, the dominant pattern is a determined, goal-obsessed mindset with a willingness to bend rules and endure hardship to get what they want, which is quintessentially Slytherin.

Your movie

Your song
A fitting song for @boiledKcals is Bury a Friend by Billie Eilish because it captures a dark, self-destructive relationship with your own body and mind, which shows up repeatedly in their tweets. They openly tie identity and dysphoria to body size, like when they say “been putting off gettin a new binder till i get skinny but like it’s been 2 years n am only gettin fatter :/” and “if i didn’t gain weight on t i stg id be hot rn”. The relapse and pro-ED tone parallels the song’s obsession with self-harm and internal monsters, seen in tweets like “relapsing lol 🙃✌🏻”, “i miss when i didn’t have a job or uni so i could starve”, and “i thought i was being sus but my parents just think i’m ‘healthy eating’ anyways 💀”. Their mix of humor and morbidity—like “stg every time i get a headache i think amma die” and “nearly died multiple times just to burn the same amount of cals 😃”—matches the song’s eerie, half-joking, half-serious tone about pain and fear. The overall vibe is someone trapped in their own head and body, negotiating with intrusive thoughts, which is exactly the emotional space Bury a Friend lives in.

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