Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
- Self-aware humor: Frequently jokes at their own expense and acknowledges their flaws, like calling their drafts 'psychopathic tangents' while leaning on their bio as a limiter in “my drafts are just a bunch of psychopathic tangents that only my bio stands in the way of me posting”.
- Passionate fandom: Shows intense enthusiasm for games, music, and media—League, Overwatch, Rivals 2, Heartsteel, 100 gecs, Jane Remover—e.g. “new gecs.album 🥹🥹🥹🥹” and “the new jane remover album is actively shooting me in the head”.
- Emotionally expressive: Openly talks about crying over fictional characters and feeling deeply, as in “have you ever loved someone so much and then as soon as you remembered they weren't real you started crying i have multiple times”.
- Inventive absurdism: Creates elaborate, surreal scenarios (Stonehenge, UK politics, chosen Pennsylvanian, earthquakes) in chains like “they'll put me in the middle of Stonehenge and a magnitude 1.5 earthquake goes off in Ireland...”, showing creative comedic thinking.
- Consistent engagement: Posts regularly about games, music, and current events, commenting on esports, updates, and new media like “arcane season 2 announcement soon” and “rivals 2 is a dangerous game i can feel myself regressing back to my ultimate player ways”.
Weaknesses:
- Self-deprecating fixation: Leans heavily into negative self-image jokes, such as “it's actually so unfair how bad i am with numbers” and the bio contrast with 'not a psychopath' against 'psychopathic tangents' in “my drafts are just a bunch of psychopathic tangents...”.
- Provocative edginess: Uses shock humor involving violence, crime, or death, like “would kill someone for a chicken sandwich right now... with my very own hands” and “This independence day... I will be selling crack to low income neighborhoods”.
- Escapist tendencies: Relies heavily on games and parasocial media as coping, e.g. “Approaching 1 hour of not being able to play League... Is this what life would be like without the virus that is League of Legends” and building a PC mainly to play League in “now i can play league on higher settings and nothing else!”.
- Attention-seeking shock: Sometimes prioritizes outrageous takes over substance, such as “why do we celebrate memorial day like come on those guys lost who cares” and “I need to start making enemies”.
- Avoidant responsibility: Jokes about neglecting real-life obligations for games, like “Me to my 119 outgoing assignments as I get into champ select in League” and playing despite state test failure in “JUST FAILED MY STATE TESTING 😭😭😭”.
Your Simpsons character
Lisa Simpson
They read as a very online, self-aware nerd with intense special interests and a tendency to overthink, which lines up best with Lisa Simpson. Like Lisa hyper-fixating on jazz or causes, they latch onto fandoms and games with near-academic intensity, from League and Smash to Rivals 2 and Honkai, as in “i literally can't play smash anymore because i lost a majority of my game sense after not playing for like a year and every time i try to get back into it i get matched vs pro players online wtfff” and “zzz is really good there's a dangerous amount of dopamine that comes with it that forces you to keep playing”. Their moral/empathetic side leaks through the irony, like “bawling my eyes out because i didn't leave a big enough tip for the elderly waitress (it was 45%)”, which feels very Lisa: anxious about being good in a world that isn’t. They also show a brainy, artsy media obsession—Arcane, Persona 5, esports, niche music—seen in tweets like “interviewer: tell me a bit about yourself me: okay so have you ever played persona 5” and “new gecs.album 🥹🥹🥹🥹”. Even their bio, “not a psychopath,” and posts like “my drafts are just a bunch of psychopathic tangents that only my bio stands in the way of me posting”, echo Lisa’s mix of self-consciousness and ironic distance. Overall, they’re too self-critical, earnest, and smartly dramatic to be Homer or Bart; they fit Lisa’s blend of nerdiness, emotional intensity, and darkly funny commentary.
Your MBTI personality Type
ENFP
They lean Extraverted: they constantly engage with fandoms, games, politics, and music in a loud, performative way, e.g. joking about fixing British politics as an American in a long bit starting with “i think if British people put their trust in me i could fix their country” and doing dramatic live reactions to esports like “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT GUMAYUSI”. They are clearly Intuitive: they riff on absurd hypotheticals and concepts more than concrete sensory detail, like “cold take but we need to send a pregnant woman to space pronto” and speculative jokes such as “Do you think the minions ever usurped one of their leaders”. Their values and emotional attachments are front and center, pointing to Feeling: they talk about parasocial/fictional affection and fanworks, e.g. “have you ever loved someone so much and then as soon as you remembered they weren't real you started crying i have multiple times” and “ill be honest the main reason i ever watch a show is just so i can read the fanfics”. They also show high emotional sensitivity and guilt, as in “bawling my eyes out because i didn't leave a big enough tip for the elderly waitress (it was 45%)”, which is more F than detached T. Their lifestyle and self-presentation are chaotic and improvisational, pointing to Perceiving: they procrastinate and avoid structure (“Me to my 119 outgoing assignments as I get into champ select in League”), embrace broken setups as a bit (“my keybgoard bgroke bgut its kinda like a homestucxk writing quirk so i think im not bgoinbg to bget it replacxed yet”), and repeatedly lose themselves in games and media marathons like “After League of Legends, I spend the better part of my night (11PM to 7AM) watching conspiracy and true crime videos like a white girl!”. Altogether the expressive, idea-driven, emotionally attached, and spontaneity-loving traits best fit ENFP.
Some pickup lines for you
- You said Starbucks workers are braver than our troops — if we went on a coffee date, would you consider me at least brave-adjacent for asking you out?
- You built a whole PC just to play League on higher settings; I respect that level of commitment. If you ever queue up for a duo, I promise I’ll int in game but never in our relationship.
- You watching shows just so you can read the fanfics is so real… if we ever date, I’m fully prepared for you to ignore me for 200k-word slow burns and then infodump them to me afterward.
- You said you love trash animals like rats, raccoons, and opossums — as a little freak who stays up all night on games and weird music, I think I’d fit right in your ecosystem.
- You once said you’d be amazing in politics because you love League and Pokémon and would crush the polls; I’m just trying to get elected as your situationship and maybe work my way up to long-term office.
Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
League, Rivals & overwatch enjoyer. Once built a PC just to run LoL better. Powered by 100 gecs, fanfic tabs, and questionable ranked queues.– @caesarcrouton_
Your signature cocktail
The Not A Psychopath
This drink is loud and unhinged on purpose, a chaotic DPS of alcohol that matches someone who says things like “would kill someone for a chicken sandwich right now and i am NOT talking about an easy trigger pull but the whole nine yards with my very own hands” and still insists in their bio they’re “not a psychopath.” Overproof rum is the hit of raw, aggressive energy you need to queue League at 3AM after “Approaching 1 hour of not being able to play League of Legends. I can feel my sanity returning… yet I am not happy.” Midori brings a bright green gamer-core sweetness and nods to takes like “this is true i love the color green” and their love of fun, trash-animal vibes. Cold brew represents the late-night, hyperfixation grind of “After League of Legends, I spend the better part of my night (11PM to 7AM) watching conspiracy and true crime videos like a white girl!” and their habit of spiraling over fictional people like “have you ever loved someone so much and then as soon as you remembered they weren't real you started crying i have multiple times”. Blue curaçao is for the Cloud9/League brainrot and esports drama, from “'Boys in blue' only refers to members of Cloud9” to screaming “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT GUMAYUSI”. Finally, sour gummy-candy syrup makes the whole thing taste like a sugar-high playlist of 100 gecs, Jane Remover, and Heartsteel, echoing posts like “idc 100 gecs and laura les is peak” and “heartsteel was actually good i never doubted”.
Your Hogwarts House
Slytherin
Their humor and worldview show strong Slytherin traits: ambition, self-preservation, and a fondness for mischief. They repeatedly fantasize about power and influence in an over-the-top way, like claiming they could fix UK politics as a chosen Pennsylvanian savior in a long bit about Stonehenge and Tories (“i think if British people put their trust in me i could fix their country” and the follow-up thread). Their moral compass is intentionally edgy and self-serving for the joke, such as announcing patriotic plans to sell crack on Independence Day (“This independence day, to show my patriotism I will be selling crack to low income neighborhoods”), or dismissing Memorial Day with dark irreverence (“why do we celebrate memorial day like come on those guys lost who cares”). They show a recurring fascination with crime, manipulation, and power dynamics—wanting to be friends with an elderly family annihilator (“i really want to be friends with a 70 80yr old who murdered his whole family and served life in prison”), casually saying lying is underrated (“lying is underrated tbh”), and joking about demon summoning (“Tbh summoning a demon sounds fun I might do that”). Their self-description as "not a psychopath" paired with tweets about causing problems on purpose—like "needing to start making enemies" (“I need to start making enemies”) and being "like Jesus but I only give people drinking problems" (“I'm like Jesus but I only give people drinking problems”)—fits a distinctly Slytherin blend of dark humor, ambition, and calculated chaos more than the other houses.
Your movie
Your song
money machine - 100 gecs
The chaotic, hyper-online energy of money machine fits Crouton almost perfectly. They’re loudly and repeatedly a gecs fan, from “stfu 100 gecs is peak” to spamming “new gecs new gecs new gecs…”, and even celebrating a “new gecs.album 🥹🥹🥹🥹”. The song’s absurd flexing and unhinged confidence mirror tweets like “i’d be amazing in politics because i love league of legends and pokemon…” and “i think if British people put their trust in me i could fix their country”. Its mix of ironic aggression and genuine enthusiasm matches posts where they joke about violence or psychopathy while insisting “not a psychopath”. Overall, money machine captures their love of weird internet culture, over-the-top bits, and the frenetic vibe of someone who games, stans, and posts like it’s a competitive sport.
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