Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
- Sex-positive: Their openness in discussing pornographic topics and sexual fantasies like 'double penetration' and 'girlcock' demonstrates a sex-positive attitude.
- Humorous: Their frequent use of dark/transgressive humor, even when discussing heavy topics like self-harm scars, shows a strong sense of humor: 'tw // sh sometimes i look at all the scars on my arms and think 'damn bro, i really did that to myself. crazy''.
- Self-aware: Tweets like 'sometimes i look at the things i write in my notes app and i'm like. . . damn bitch. . . you are Mentally Ill™' display keen self-awareness about their own struggles.
- Body-positive: Their unabashed love for features like 'big noses' on women ('I. LOVE. WOMEN. WITH. BIG. NOSES. BIG FUCKIN HONKERS.') showcases a body-positive mentality.
- Quirky: Collecting bottle caps as a child and storing them in coffee cans reveals an endearingly quirky personality: 'when i was a kid i used to collect gatorade bottle caps not just ones i would get from drinking my own bottles, but also those i'd find on the ground at parks n stuff (i'd clean them)'.
Weaknesses:
- Impulsive: Tweets like 'perchance one day i will learn not to down an entire celsius in 5 minutes while on an empty stomach but today is not that day' suggest issues with impulsivity.
- Dissociative: They openly discuss their struggles with dissociation and inability to feel/process emotions in a healthy way: 'like i literally just. cannot cry sometimes even if i want to and when i get to the point that i am crying, i'll only do it for a couple minutes at most before my brain is like 'alright you had your moment, we gotta lock tf in''.
- Self-destructive: References to self-harm scars and past suicidal ideation indicate self-destructive tendencies: 'tw // sh sometimes i look at all the scars on my arms and think 'damn bro, i really did that to myself. crazy''.
- Addictive personality: Their admission to oversharing and ranting on Twitter due to nicotine withdrawal implies addictive personality traits: 'i'm posting so much because i'm trying to quit vaping and i'm going through nicotine withdrawal i need a hit of something and i'm gonna hit the post button to get the dopamine i crave i guess'.
- Emotionally dependent: Tweets like 'i just need an older woman to hold me close and tell me everything is going to be okay and that she's proud of me and that i'm her good boy is that too much to ask 😞' suggest an emotionally dependent side.
Your Simpsons character
Ralph Wiggum
Aspen shares several qualities with the lovable but troubled Ralph Wiggum. Both have a penchant for saying shockingly candid or inappropriate things without filter, like Ralph's iconic 'Miss Hoover? I dropped my cat soup' line which parallels aspen's explicit tweets about sex. They also both struggle with mental health issues - Ralph's erratic behavior and learning disabilities mirroring aspen's own documented challenges with depression, dissociation and self-harm. Yet under the surface troubles, there remains a fundamentally kind, quirky spirit, exemplified by Ralph's trademark impressions ('I bent my wookiee') and aspen's nostalgic hobby of collecting bottle caps. Their too-wise-for-their-age candor masks an inner vulnerability that elicits both concern and endearment from those around them.
Your MBTI personality Type
Some pickup lines for you
- Are you a bottle cap? Cuz I wanna collect you and keep you safe inside my Folgers can forever. 🥺
- You're like big noses - absolutely stunning and way too underappreciated by society. Let me show you the love you deserve, you gorgeous weirdo.
- If being really into pet play and furry stuff is wrong, I don't wanna be right. Maybe you could be my owner and put a leash on this bad pup? 😈
- Can I be the top to your verse? Cuz I'd love to destroy you both emotionally and physically until we're both kinda...dysfunctional. In a hot way tho!
- Are you a bra? Cuz I can think of few things more freeing than taking you off after a long, hard day... 😏
Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
24-year-old polyamorous transgender pup, obsessed with noses & biting fascists. Software dev by day, furry degenerate by night. I collect bottle caps and make dad jokes. BONK if ya must, officer. 🐶– @canine_chaos
Your signature cocktail
Your Hogwarts House
Hufflepuff
Despite their boldness in discussing taboo subjects, aspen's core values align most with Hufflepuff - loyalty, kindness, hard work and acceptance. Their deep appreciation for feminine beauty ('I. LOVE. WOMEN. WITH. BIG. NOSES. BIG FUCKIN HONKERS. YOU'RE A WOMAN WITH A BIG NOSE?? THAT JUST MEANS THERE'S MORE OF YOU FOR ME TO KISS AND LOVE AND APPRECIATE') shows an accepting spirit. Their struggles with mental health and self-destructive behaviors ('tw // sh sometimes i look at all the scars on my arms and think 'damn bro, i really did that to myself. crazy'') highlight perseverance in the face of adversity. And their quirkiness in collecting bottle caps as a child ('when i was a kid i used to collect gatorade bottle caps not just ones i would get from drinking my own bottles, but also those i'd find on the ground at parks n stuff (i'd clean them)') reflects the oft-underrated Hufflepuff trait of eccentricity.
Your movie
Your song
Take Me to Church - Hozier
The lyrics of this moody, atmospheric track speak to aspen's duality of being openly sexual and transgressive ('thinkin a lot about. . . double penetration. . . both holes completely stuffed. . . so overwhelmed with sensations') yet also possessing an almost religious fervor and zealotry in their convictions ('I. LOVE. WOMEN. WITH. BIG. NOSES. BIG FUCKIN HONKERS. YOU'RE A WOMAN WITH A BIG NOSE?? THAT JUST MEANS THERE'S MORE OF YOU FOR ME TO KISS AND LOVE AND APPRECIATE'). The grimy yet redemptive tone reflects aspen's irreverent humor about dark themes like their self-harm scars, combined with an earnest, almost spiritual appreciation for unconventional beauty. Take Me to Church captures the sacred meeting the profane that lives at the heart of aspen's unrepentantly freaky Twitter personality.
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