
Strengths and Weaknesses

Your Simpsons character
The account reads most like Bart Simpson: a mix of dark humor, self‑destruction, and weird sweetness. They’re chaotic, impulsive, and into risky behavior, like joking about drug interactions and excitement for substances in posts such as “remember guys,, when the drug interaction is listed as 'dangerous' that just means its extra fun !!” and “I can't wait to get money for Christmas and blow it on drugs,, that's my real reason for counting down the days”. There’s a lot of rebellious, morbid edge—like “someone's just gonna find me dead one day I know it.” and “I might finally set a date and actually commit after so many years”—that fits Bart’s self-destructive streak, just taken to a more realistic, depressive extreme. At the same time, they show genuine care and small wholesome moments, like drawing for moots in “I love to draw for people... if my moots see this you can ask me to draw you something” or being happy their dog isn’t scared of fireworks in “my dog is not too scared of the fireworks so far!... now he's just chilling on my bed”. The blend of juvenile humor, edgy stunts, vulnerability, and a soft side under all the chaos is very Bart-coded.

Your MBTI personality Type
They lean Introvert (I): they often describe feeling isolated and distrustful of people offline, e.g. “twt is the only place I can actually say how I feel. I dont trust anybody irl anymore” and “nobody wants to talk to me anyway”, and their activities (drawing, sewing, walking the dog, vaping in their car) are mostly solitary. They favor Intuition (N) over pure Sensing: while they talk about concrete stuff, they repeatedly drift into abstract, existential or symbolic reflections like “someone's just gonna find me dead one day I know it”, “I have a feeling I might die in 2026”, and quirky conceptual humor such as “17 billion snake lives will come to an end on June 21, 2026...”. Their values and emotional life point to Feeling (F): they worry about how men are treated in shed spaces (“so much animosity towards men in shed spaces,, we struggle too bruh”), express deep hurt and vulnerability (“I dont want to talk to anyone anymore please I just want my life to be over”), and frame opinions in moral/relational terms (e.g. “I view labeling Kurt Cobain as a trans woman is incredibly disrespectful…”). Finally, their lifestyle looks strongly Perceiving (P): they procrastinate and leave projects half‑done (“ive been procrastinating on painting my dead lizard for literal years”), fluctuate impulsively with meds and drugs (“I kind of dont want to get back on my meds,, these feelings are just so familiar and comfortable”, “ofc im smoking again rn”), and their ED-related goals change in a very day‑to‑day, non‑structured way (“gonna omad for the first time in foreverr im gonna try to keep it small,, I just need to do it consistently”). Taken together—introspective isolation, a mix of dark imagination with whimsical humor, strong emotional intensity and values, and a flexible, somewhat chaotic lifestyle—INFP fits them better than any other type.

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Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
17 | he/him | Texas art gremlin with a vape ecosystem & a painted dead lizard on backlog | community college soon, drawing, overthinking, surviving– @Cannot_Person

Your signature cocktail
The white rum infused with green tea is for the jittery, medicated-unmedicated limbo and late-night paranoia of being “off my meds and im suicidal and im paranoid and I want to cut and i want to never wake up again”, but still dragging yourself to “start at community college this spring :3”. Lychee juice is sweet-weird and a little niche, like ordering a “mango green milk tea w lychee jelly... so basically I ate the calories of like 2 meals and I should die” and calling yourself a “styro warrior,, literally just a puppy :3”. Lemon juice brings the sharp bite and self-roast of lines like “had dinner but now im hungry again fuck my fat fucking life” and the willingness to say “remember guys,, when the drug interaction is listed as 'dangerous' that just means its extra fun !!”. A splash of energy drink channels the manic dog-park hyperness of “dog park”, vaping in the car “I keep a whole vape ecosystem in my car”, and the chaotic puppy aggression of “dogs have the right idea with the whole bite and shake. if im biting someone I promise I will be ripping flesh”. The edible glitter rim is for the art-kid sparkle—“marker drawing kitty outlined in glitter gel pen”, “recent art :3”, and sewing patches into jeans—because underneath the sick humor and shedtwt angst, this drink still wants to look cute in photos and wave at the world like “wave at the guy driving the garbage truck dude. its so fun.”

Your Hogwarts House
Their strongest throughline is care, loyalty, and a kind of quietly stubborn decency, which points most clearly to Hufflepuff. They show consistent kindness toward animals and people doing unglamorous work, like when they say we should wave at sanitation workers—“just saying... wave at the guy driving the garbage truck dude. its so fun. they get a little confused but theyre always very happy and wave back. start waving at more people”—and when they’re relieved their dog isn’t scared of fireworks, sitting with him in the closet when he was (“I had to sit with him in my closet July 4th to calm him down, but now he's just chilling on my bed”). They’re also quietly hardworking and generous with their time and skills, offering to create art for others—“I love to draw for people... if my moots see this you can ask me to draw you something”—and putting considerable effort into creative projects like customized jeans: “thrifted jeans / waistband reduced in 3 places / patches cut, sewn, painted, and embroidered.” Even when they’re deeply unwell, they’re preoccupied with being fair and not misjudged, such as when they insist their nausea isn’t about trying to be “the skinniest guy in the room” but a genuine physical issue (“pls I promise im not trying to be the skinniest guy in the room i will just genuinely gag if I eat this rn”). They dislike blocking people and seem reluctant to cut others off—“I hate blocking people and I dont do it,, my blocked list is zero rn”—which fits Hufflepuff’s inclusive, stick-with-people tendency more than Slytherin self-protectiveness or Gryffindor confrontational boldness. While they have creativity and wit that a Ravenclaw might share, the dominant traits are loyalty, gentleness toward animals and “little guys,” and a workmanlike devotion to their crafts and relationships, all strongly aligned with Hufflepuff.

Your movie

Your song
A song that fits them well is “Last Resort” by Papa Roach, because it captures that mix of dark humor, self‑destruction, and very real suicidal ideation they post about. They explicitly say things like “im off my meds and im suicidal and im paranoid and I want to cut and i want to never wake up again” and “I might finally set a date and actually commit after so many years”, which resonates with the song’s themes of being on the edge. The track’s aggressive, chaotic energy mirrors posts about drugs and recklessness, such as “remember guys,, when the drug interaction is listed as 'dangerous' that just means its extra fun !!” and “trying to save my hydrocodone for a special occasion but its so temptingg”. Their struggle with eating and body image—“omad 14 peanut m&ms … so basically I ate the calories of like 2 meals and I should die” and “ok!! ive lost 8 pounds!! I hope I can keep it up”—also fits the song’s sense of losing control over one’s body and mind. And despite all that, they keep joking and posting art, pets, and random observations, echoing the way Last Resort is catchy and loud on the surface while talking about something brutally serious underneath.

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Cannot_Person
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