Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
- Academic Dedication: He takes pride in his intellectual performance, boasting about being the “only one in the class” to get a 10 on a difficult test.
- Self-Awareness: He actively seeks personal growth through therapy, finding it “liberating” to process his intense flow of thoughts with a professional.
- Romantic Devotion: He frequently expresses deep affection for his boyfriend, proudly showing off gifts and claiming “I love him too much”.
- Cultural Engagement: He has diverse tastes in music and literature, ranging from “classic franchise games” to the works of Clarice Lispector.
- Humorous Resilience: He uses a dadaist and “discursive” style of humor to cope with the stress of turning 18 and school pressures.
Weaknesses:
- Emotional Volatility: He struggles with extreme mood swings, often tweeting about wanting to “explode” or feeling “miserable” over minor setbacks.
- Body Dysmorphia: He expresses significant distress regarding his physical appearance, complaining that he is “too crooked” and hating facial asymmetry.
- Poor Sleep Hygiene: He consistently mentions staying up late and feeling terrible after only “sleeping for 4 hours” before important commitments.
- Impulse Control: He admits to struggling with “compulsion” and having violent impulses when people explain things in a way he dislikes.
- Procrastination Tendencies: He describes himself as having “laziness in recent days” and often chooses watching Naruto over completing his tasks.
Your Simpsons character
Lisa Simpson
Like Lisa, this user is a high-achieving intellectual who balances academic excellence with deep existential dread and social isolation. They take immense pride in their intelligence, boasting how they were “back to being the best student in the class in some intelectual parameter” and “the only one in my class” to ace a specific test. They share Lisa's signature melancholy and flair for the dramatic, often questioning their existence or feeling like their “stability depends” on exam results. Despite their sharpness, they struggle with self-image and feeling like a “person completely different from the one I see”, mirroring Lisa’s frequent identity crises. Ultimately, their mix of academic ambition, love for indiepop, and tendency to overthink every emotion makes them a perfect match for the Simpsons’ resident gifted child.
Your MBTI personality Type
INFP
Daniel displays a clear Introvert (I) preference, often tweeting about social anxiety, solitary gaming, and a desire to “stay in bed and not go anywhere”. His Intuition (N) is evident in his self-description as a “discursive dadaist” and his deep philosophical spirals about his own identity, such as questioning if he would “cease to recognize himself in the mirror” after a prayer. He leans heavily toward Feeling (F), as his timeline is dominated by emotional processing, outbursts of affection for his boyfriend, and a “constant flow of thoughts” shared with his psychologist. Finally, his Perceiving (P) trait shows through his self-admitted “vagrancy”, late-night impulses to pirate games, and a general struggle with “constancy over improvement” in his studies.
Some pickup lines for you
- Are you a 5-star Uber passenger? Because I’d travel anywhere just to be the discursive dadaist by your side.
- I promise I’m nothing like Sasuke—I won’t spend the whole night talking nonsense, unless it’s about how much I want to take you out.
- If you ever decide to recite that prayer to 'hide from your enemy,' don't worry—I'll still recognize you in the mirror, and I'll like what I see.
- Is your name Jão? Because even if I try to be picky, I still find myself screaming 'então pode me lamber' the moment you walk in.
- I heard you’re looking for a second name to feel more fulfilled—how about mine? It would make for a pretty great compound name.
Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
Engineering student & high-scorer surviving on Nespresso and Jão. Once saved a Kellogg’s bowl by catching it with my foot. (He/They) | 💍 @Guizinrossi– @daaniiieeellll
Your signature cocktail
The Existential Dadaist's 1.5x Remedy
This drink captures Daniel’s high-strung energy, from his 18th birthday existential crisis to his “discursive dadaist” identity. The espresso mirrors his frantic pace of listening to “Sasuke talks at 1.5x speed” to survive the cringe, while the dark chocolate reflects his complex “mommy issues” and habit of “stuffing all his feelings inside.” The sparkling tonic represents the brief dopamine hits he gets from “editing photos and putting the saturation way up,” and the salty rim is for the constant academic stress, specifically when he begs the universe to “stop annulling questions I got right!”. It’s a bold, experimental mix for someone who alternates between “total absolute night despair” and shouting Jão lyrics at the top of their lungs.
Your Hogwarts House
Slytherin
Daniel displays a clear Slytherin alignment through his focus on personal ambition and a raw, self-aware pragmatism regarding his future. He explicitly identifies with the house's core trait when stating “resourcefulness is both my passion and the reason i'll kill myself”, while also expressing a desire for “stability and financial backing to be annoying in general with more backup” through public exams. His self-preservation and internal focus are evident in his self-description as his “own greatest enemy” and his admission of “dysmorphia of identity”. Ultimately, his drive to succeed in specific “intellectual parameters” despite external expectations, combined with his sharp, sardonic wit, solidifies his place in the house of the ambitious.
Your movie
Your song
Idontwannabeyouanymore - Billie Eilish
This song perfectly captures Daniel's profound identity struggles and self-deprecating nature, mirrored in his bio describing himself as a 'discursive dadaist.' He explicitly mentions “dismorfia de identidade. sou uma pessoa completamente diferente daquela em que eu me vejo”, reflecting the song's core theme of internal conflict. His tweets frequently touch on self-loathing and a desire for escape, such as when he says “ewewewewewewewew i wanna break up with my life” or “sou péssimo péssimo péssimo terrível”. The track’s melancholic 'indiepop' vibe aligns with his self-admitted music taste, and his constant battle with his reflection—stating “que deus ELIMINE A ASSIMETRIA”—parallels Eilish’s lyrics about being tired of one's own image. Ultimately, the song encapsulates his transition into adulthood at 18, marked by the overwhelming anxiety of “what would i be if i didn't stuff all my feelings inside”.
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