Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
- Witty humorist: Consistently uses sharp jokes and innuendo, e.g. “As the actress said to the bishop” and “As the actress said to the bishop.”.
- Engaging persona: Actively replies to fans and quoted tweets, e.g. back‑and‑forth threads like “You and I both Emma. You and I both.” and “You’re welcome”.
- Brand consistency: Maintains a clear character with recurring scissors/hair gags and tags like #WishYouWereHair in posts such as “Blue Rinse Rising #WishYouWereHair ✂️✂️✂️”.
- Creative marketer: Promotes tours and releases in an entertaining voice, e.g. “Ou est la discotheque? ✂️✂️✂️” and “going back into the flight case of darkness and datsuns to pleasure the people of America”.
- Self‑aware satirist: Mocks their own ‘captors’ and status with lines like “One’s captors... hard at work as usual. ✂️✂️✂️” and “For the record... one is alive and snipping! ....and definitely not rusty.”.
Weaknesses:
- Harsh language: Uses blunt profanity that can alienate some audiences, e.g. “FUCK OFF ✂️✂️✂️” and “FUCK. RIGHT. OFF.”.
- Crude innuendo: Relies on sexual or suggestive jokes, e.g. repeated “As the actress said to the bishop” and “Not like that”.
- Edgy insults: Occasionally insults groups or individuals, such as calling Newcastle “home of drunken topless fighting... and that’s just the women” in this tweet and saying “only cunts wear parkas” in this one.
- Potentially offensive: Uses stereotypes and harsh descriptors, e.g. describing Watford as “Home to the official accent of the uneducated hairdresser” in this tweet.
- Limited depth: Most posts are quips or one‑liners with little personal or reflective content, as seen in minimalist replies like “Wonderwall probably” and “James Blunt”.
Your Simpsons character
Bart Simpson
The tone is irreverent, cheeky, and often gleefully rude, very much in line with Bart Simpson’s prankster energy, as seen in posts like “FUCK OFF ✂️✂️✂️” and “FUCK. RIGHT. OFF.”. There’s a consistent habit of smart‑mouthed comebacks and mocking authority or seriousness, for example “Firstly, terrorism is a no no. Secondly, Keef is the brains behind that operation.” and the sarcastic “Let’s not get political”. Like Bart, they mix mischief with showmanship and self‑mythologizing, calling themselves a “cutting edge artist” and joking, “Someday? I fucking opened the Scissors Hall of Fame.”. There’s also that juvenile but clever wordplay Bart loves, in lines like “Blue Rinse Rising #WishYouWereHair ✂️✂️✂️” and the recurring hair puns and innuendo such as “Latex is never a problem. Not my words. The words of my very reliable dry cleaner.”. Overall, the mix of rebellious attitude, constant joking, and gleeful trolling of fans and locations (e.g. “Newcastle. Again. FFS.”) fits Bart far better than more earnest or responsible characters like Lisa or Marge.
Your MBTI personality Type
ENTP
They come across as clearly extroverted (E): the account plays to an audience, bantering with fans and other accounts, e.g. inviting people to shows in posts like “Bonjour Nottingham! It’s great to be in and amongst you all. Please don’t shoot me... unless you are an excellent photographer (PR innit). ✂️✂️✂️ #WishYouWereHair” and joking about places like Newcastle in “The official home of drunken topless fighting with broken bottles and pissing in bins. ...and that’s just the women. ✂️✂️✂️ #WishYouWereHair”. Their humour is conceptual, pun-heavy and metaphorical, suggesting intuition (N): they enjoy wordplay and abstract riffs such as “Thou shalt not go down by the river. Rust, innit. ✂️ ✂️ ✂️ #WishYouWereHair” and persona gags like “A scissor(?) is for life. Not just for Christmas.”. They lean strongly thinking (T) over feeling, using cutting, often abrasive wit instead of diplomacy, as seen in “FUCK OFF ✂️✂️✂️”, “FUCK. RIGHT. OFF.”, and deadpan dismissals like “We don’t do covers. PS Whatever happened to The Seahorses?”. Their style is loose, reactive and playful rather than structured, pointing to perceiving (P): they riff off whatever others tweet at them (“Every song by Blink 182. I’d cut their guitar strings innit.”) and improvise persona bits like “What part of ‘get one some brass’ does one’s tour manager not understand? ✂️✂️✂️” rather than presenting orderly plans. Taken together—the extroverted banter, abstract humour, sharp logical/jokey detachment, and spontaneous engagement—this account best fits ENTP: the irreverent, witty, debate-and-joke–driven ‘trickster’ type.
Some pickup lines for you
- If only cunts wear parkas, does that mean the only thing I’m allowed to wear around you is a backstage pass to those ‘flight case of darkness and Datsuns’ shows? ✂️
- You went to Newcastle ‘again, FFS’ and still came back tweeting #WishYouWereHair — I’m not saying I’m dedicated, but I’d survive cat piss, broken bottles and bin‑pissing just for a trim and a chat.
- You once tweeted ‘Cutty say can’t hang!’ at Nile Rodgers — if you can drop 80s movie references and funk legends in the same snip, the least I can do is offer to be your +1 next time you’re bling bling motherfucker on tour.
- From ‘Someday? I fucking opened the Scissors Hall of Fame’ to telling Blink‑182 you’d cut their guitar strings, you’ve clearly mastered destruction — how about we try something new and you help construct a night out with me instead?
- You signed off with ‘Until next time… fix up, look sharp’ and ‘Bonne nuit’ more than once — so here’s my proposal: you keep the dangerous cutting edge, I’ll bring the peace, love n bananas, and together we’ll make the 90s jealous.
Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
Touring salon to the stars. Once gave Bonehead a proper seeing-to (not like that). Snipping on Noel’s side of the stage since ‘18. ✂️ #WishYouWereHair– @DemScissors
Your signature cocktail
Wish You Were Haircut Negroni
This cocktail is sharp and dangerous in the wrong hands, just like this “cutting edge artist” who proudly calls themselves “Very dangerous in the wrong hands. ✂️✂️✂️#HairTodayGoneTomorrow”. The base of London dry gin matches their blunt, no-nonsense bite, the kind that says “FUCK OFF ✂️✂️✂️” without flinching. Bitter orange aperitif brings that tart, slightly jaded nostalgia of “Ah the 90s”, while banana liqueur nods to the surreal cheer of “Peace love n bananas monkey lovers” in “Come On Outside! Unless it’s raining of course.”. A few drops of sea-salt & vinegar tincture echo their love of British snack sarcasm in “What about crisps?”, adding a cheeky tang. Topped with sparkling French lemonade in honour of their recurring ‘Bonjour’ and Franglais—“Bonjour Manchester! Home to Oasis, Smiths and many other shops.”—the drink stays fizzy, loud, and just refined enough to say “fix up, look sharp,” as they do in “Until next time...fix up, look sharp ✂️✂️✂️”.
Your Hogwarts House
Slytherin
The persona of @DemScissors is openly ambitious and status‑aware, constantly framing themselves as a “cutting edge artist” who is “very dangerous in the wrong hands,” which already hints at a Slytherin sense of self‑importance and mystique. There’s a sharp, combative streak and instinct for dominance in responses like “FUCK OFF ✂️✂️✂️” and “FUCK. RIGHT. OFF.”, showing a readiness to protect their boundaries and image rather than appease others. They also display calculated wit and a slightly cruel humor, for example calling Newcastle “the official home of drunken topless fighting with broken bottles and pissing in bins. ...and that’s just the women.” in this tweet, and mocking Watford as “Home to the official accent of the uneducated hairdresser” in another, which reflects Slytherin-style barbed sarcasm and social hierarchy awareness. The account repeatedly leans into being prized and exclusive—“Well, you certainly won’t find scissors like me in Argos” in this tweet and describing themselves as “alive and snipping! ....and definitely not rusty” in this one—suggesting pride in uniqueness and a cultivated persona. Even the darkly jokey line about “terrorism is a no no. Secondly, Keef is the brains behind that operation” in this tweet plays with danger and plotting in a way that aligns more with Slytherin’s edgy, scheming vibe than with the straightforward bravado of Gryffindor or the warmth of Hufflepuff. Overall, the mix of ambition, self‑preservation, cutting humor, and deliberate image‑crafting fits Slytherin most convincingly.
Your movie
Your song
Live Forever - Oasis
A well-known song that suits @DemScissors is Live Forever by Oasis, capturing their sharp, defiant humour and refusal to play it safe. They regularly lean into chaos and swagger, from shouting “FUCK OFF ✂️✂️✂️” to jokingly dismissing practical clothes with “Remember... only cunts wear parkas.” This mirrors the song’s rejection of dull, cautious living. Their ongoing “character” as an immortal, legendary pair of scissors lines up with the song’s theme of wanting to outlast the ordinary, as when they boast, “Someday? I fucking opened the Scissors Hall of Fame.” Even their recurring catchphrase #WishYouWereHair and barbed replies like “FUCK. RIGHT. OFF.” echo the song’s mix of attitude, humour and a desire to stand above the rest rather than just exist.
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