
Strengths and Weaknesses

Your Simpsons character
Much like Barney Gumble, this user oscillates between a high-functioning professional life and self-destructive habits, often using humor to mask deep-seated self-loathing. While Barney is a 'brilliant' pilot and artist plagued by addiction, this user balances a corporate job where they are “forced to make spreadsheets” with a chaotic digital life defined by mental health struggles and eating disorders. They share Barney's tragic self-awareness, calling themselves a “literal stupid fatass and edtwt shitposter” while simultaneously seeking validation and a way to “get better”. Ultimately, both the user and Barney represent the 'lovable loser' archetype who, despite their “mental ward discharge report”, remain surprisingly earnest and hopeful for their “birth month”.

Your MBTI personality Type
@dillutedpiss exhibits Extroversion (E) through their constant social reaching, stating they “got too motivated to make you all smile today” and frequently asking for interaction. Their Intuition (N) shows in their abstract, self-deprecating humor and existential musings, such as when they joke that “nietzsche just copied my drafts”. Despite a blunt exterior, they are a Feeling (F) type who values deep connection, lamenting that they “could give them the absolute world... and I'll still never be good enough”. Finally, they lean heavily into Perceiving (P) due to their self-admitted lack of structure, noting that “adhd and ana brain have made it so difficult to remember what i need” and displaying a spontaneous, chaotic posting style.

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Your new Twitter bio
27yo professional spreadsheet enthusiast & TCG collector. When I’m not at the gym or the office, I’m probably searching for a power drill I’ve already lost.– @dillutedpiss

Your signature cocktail
This drink captures the chaotic 'edtwt shitposter' energy of a man who claims he’s 'born to shitpost, forced to make spreadsheets.' The triple espresso mirrors his struggle with medication, specifically his “first day trying adhd pills at 3x dose” just to stay productive. The dark chocolate and sugar-free syrup reflect his complex relationship with food, like when he “almost teared up” over peanut butter chips while maintaining his fitness goals. Topped with diet soda, his 'fatass' staple, the cocktail is as bitter and self-deprecating as his jokes about his 'mental ward discharge report.' It’s a strong, experimental mess—much like the man who flirts with employees for “pokemon card info” instead of women.

Your Hogwarts House
Despite his self-deprecating humor, @dillutedpiss demonstrates a classic Slytherin mix of ambition and calculating resourcefulness to improve his status. He displays a focused desire for future success, mentioning his plan for “being identified in the future when im famous and rich”. His resourcefulness often leans into manipulation for personal gain, such as when he admitted to “lied about not feeling depressed anymore last week so i could get adhd meds” or when he joked about being “narcissistic” and using his vulnerability to attract attention. Furthermore, his self-preservation instincts are sharp, noting he keeps “identifying stuff to a min for safety reasons”, proving he is always thinking several steps ahead for his own benefit.

Your movie

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The user’s online persona is defined by a deep sense of inadequacy and the crushing weight of external and internal expectations, mirroring the song's theme of struggling under pressure. They frequently express a desire to vanish or end their struggle, lamenting, “why am i so broken why cant i be good enough why am i so fucked up why cant i just end it why am i still here”. This feeling of being a “stupid fatass” or a “cog in the machine” creates a narrative of becoming 'numb' to escape a reality where they feel they'll “never be good enough or useful enough”. Ultimately, the lyrics of Numb resonate with their cycle of self-deprecation and the exhausting effort of “trying to get better” while feeling entirely unheard by those meant to help them.

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dillutedpiss
green: confident, yellow: guess, red: uncertain
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