Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
- Self-aware: Openly analyzes own stress, insecurities, and life patterns, e.g. reflecting on anxiety and ideal lifestyle in “بعد از کلی فکر و خیال الکی تونستم به این نتیجه برسم که سبک زندگی ایدهآل من...”.
- Humorous: Uses vivid, absurd imagery and dark jokes to describe daily life, like the toaster story in “بهترین کادویی که گرفتم ... بربری فریزری رو میذاری توش بعد از ۲ دیقه عین بربری تازه میشه 😭😭😭”.
- Emotionally-honest: Very candid about low mood and overwhelm, e.g. “پسر انقدر 👌 با این فاصله دارم که وسط صحبت کردن با دیگران یهو بزنم زیر گریه...” and “شوقم به زندگی صفر شده...”.
- Politically-aware: Engages critically with regime, media, and diaspora behavior, e.g. “پسر حقیقتا مرگ بر ایران و ایرانی...” and critiques of pro-regime attitudes in “نمیتونم تشخیص بدم که فعالیت بچهشیعههای زرنگ و کیرتیز...”.
- Intellectually-curious: Reads and studies beyond obligation (GRE, statistics, linear algebra) and browses climate data for fun in “حوصلهام که سر میره میرم تو weatherspark و شرایط آب و هوایی شهرهای مختلف...” and “سر کار قبلیم با انگیزه برای جیآرای میخوندم، سر کار فعلیم ... آمار و جبر خطی”.
Weaknesses:
- Harshly-judgmental: Frequently expresses extreme contempt toward groups and individuals, e.g. “پسر حقیقتا مرگ بر ایران و ایرانی...” and “کسی که روایتهای آزار رو رد/انکار/لوث میکنه کونش گهیه”.
- Violent-language: Uses graphic violent fantasies when angry, such as “فقط ۲ ثانیه تونستم ویدئو و خندهی کیریش رو تحمل کنم... تا تیکههای مغزش مثل فخریزاده رو آسفالت خط ترمز درست کنه” and “مثل دکستر یه آخوند یا بسیجی رو با سلفون ببندم به میز و ... ورقهورقه کردن”.
- Self-deprecating: Regularly insults own intellect and worth, e.g. “نصف اوقات بیداریم احساس کودن بودن میکنم...” and referring to his head as “کلهی سوپرکیری” in “به نظر میرسه قراره هر ۱۰ جایی که اپلای کردم رو ... با کلهی سوپرکیری برم سربازی”.
- Catastrophizing: Escalates setbacks into existential disasters, like “سر اشتباه وارد کردن یه کپچا کل برنامهریزیم رفت رو هوا و ممکنه بگا برم. فقط دلم مرگ میخواد الان” and repeated fears of total failure in applications in “به نظر میرسه قراره هر ۱۰ جایی که اپلای کردم رو ... ریجکت شم”.
- Rumination-prone: Describes cycles of overthinking and emotional spirals, e.g. “شام سنگین و دیر وقت > بیخوابی > فکر و خیال ... > دستیدستی ریدن تو روان” and stress loops around thesis and deadlines in “دو هفتهست که هر روز کلی زور میزنم ... اگه تا آخر تیر نتونم تمومش کنم احتمالا اولین بگایی واقعیم رو تجربه میکنم”.
Your Simpsons character
Lisa Simpson
This user reads as a highly self-aware, neurotic overthinker with a strong moral compass and constant anxiety, which maps closely to Lisa Simpson. Like Lisa, they intellectualize their misery and stress, e.g. describing their ideal life with razor-sharp self-analysis in “سبک زندگی ایدهآل من ... اینه که یه امّل متولد جهان اول باشم...” and obsessing over climate-like data in “حوصلهام که سر میره میرم تو weatherspark و شرایط آب و هوایی شهرهای مختلف...”. Their timeline is full of guilt and depressive looping, such as “شوقم به زندگی صفر شده ... این شده چرخهی زندگیم” and “پسر انقدر 👌 با این فاصله دارم که وسط صحبت کردن با دیگران یهو بزنم زیر گریه...”, mirroring Lisa’s tendency to spiral emotionally while knowing exactly how and why. They also show Lisa-like moral rage and political clarity, for instance in “پسر حقیقتا مرگ بر ایران و ایرانی... فعالیت ایرانیها رو به صورت by blood ممنوع میکردم.” and their disgust toward apologia for abuse in “کسی که روایتهای آزار رو رد/انکار/لوث میکنه کونش گهیه”. The mix of bookishness, self-loathing, overthinking, and intense (if foul-mouthed) concern for justice is much closer to a grown-up, jaded Lisa than to any of the more impulsive or oblivious Simpsons characters.
Your MBTI personality Type
INTP
They clearly lean Introvert (I): their pleasures are solitary and low‑key, like watching YouTube and eating under a blanket at home (“When I get home, I crawl under the blanket and watch YouTube and eat lunch”), taking quiet balcony breaks to turn their brain off (“I sit on the terrace and turn my brain off”), and fantasizing about a drama‑free, very small social circle (“I need an environment with zero drama… only then can I socialize without my nerves being wrecked”). Their thinking is strongly Intuitive (N): they constantly generalize from experience into broader patterns about Iranian society, privilege, and culture (“I wish a sociologist would write about Iranians’ problem with percentiles, scenario simulation, and privilege”), and spin long, metaphor‑rich rants rather than sticking to concrete sensory detail (“Every tweet today made my head ‘kiri’; this and that added layers to the ‘kiri‑ness’ of my head”). Their tone is predominantly Thinking (T): they evaluate people and ideas with harsh, impersonal judgments (e.g., about those who dismiss abuse reports: “No non‑scientific sentence has seemed truer to me than ‘whoever denies or trivializes abuse stories has a shitty ass’”) and treat many topics analytically (like optimizing study, GRE, VPN, or timeline filters). At the same time, they show emotional turbulence and self‑deprecation, but the way they process it is via analysis and dark humor more than seeking harmony (“Half my waking time I feel stupid; 80% of the rest I think about being stupid”). Their lifestyle reads as Perceiving (P) rather than J: they chronically procrastinate and struggle with structure (“For two weeks I’ve tried to stop clowning and work on my thesis, but it keeps getting screwed; if I don’t finish by July I’ll experience my first real screw‑up”) and fantasize about an external life coach to force routine (“I really need to hire a life coach who comes every morning with a stick and makes me do specific tasks”), which is very typical of an overwhelmed INTP. Putting this together—introspective, pattern‑seeking, bluntly critical, and chronically unstructured—INTP fits better than the more organized INTJ or the more harmony‑focused INFP.
Some pickup lines for you
- So, if your ideal life is being a comfy, risk‑free first‑world nerd, can I apply to be your equally risk‑averse roommate in that Seattle suburb—sharing a balcony, turning our brains off after lunch, and complaining about Twitter in shifts?
- You know how you said doomscrolling the timeline makes your head go ‘10 out of 10 ki**ri’? I’m just trying to balance the equation—statistically speaking, the odds say you deserve at least one non‑ki**ri presence in your mentions, and I volunteer as sample size n=1.
- You binge weather charts on WeatherSpark, daydream about Seattle, and snack on barbarí with cream, halva ardeh, and walnuts—honestly, that’s already a perfect date itinerary, I’d just like to be the extra topping you add by accident and then can’t give up.
- You compared yourself to someone who needs a life coach with a stick to force them to work—counter‑proposal: I show up daily, no stick, just coffee, a shared playlist of suicidal Googoosh songs, and the kind of gentle bullying that ends in a finished thesis and a lot of inside jokes.
- Given your dreams feature GR applications, Elden Ring marathons, and ElectroBOOM as your father‑in‑law, I feel like me just asking you out for a low‑drama, zero‑gharbal hang where we talk shit about the IR and watch YouTube under a blanket might actually count as the most realistic fantasy you’ve had in years.
Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
Iranian stats nerd in exile, squeamish about drama, not about swearing. Once opened a toaster after 12 years and it became my greatest life upgrade.– @doogooboo
Your signature cocktail
The Squeamish Shitstorm Highball
A base of smoky mezcal captures how they navigate life with a constant background of rage and dark humor, from wanting to slice up a cleric Dexter-style to saying “پسر حقیقتا مرگ بر ایران و ایرانی”. The black tea syrup with cardamom nods to late-night overthinking and heavy, anxious introspection like “شام سنگین و دیر وقت > بیخوابی > فکر و خیال > ... > دستیدستی ریدن تو روان” and their habit of doomscrolling political and social nonsense until their “کلهاش کیری میشه.” Grapefruit tonic water adds a sharp, bitter fizz that mirrors their caustic takes on religion, academia, and emigration—whether it’s wanting to ban all Iranians from Twitter “by blood” or screaming “کیرم تو قبرستان بقیع.”. A dash of Angostura bitters stands in for the chronic stress, self-loathing, and low-grade depression that run through their timeline, as when they describe their life as a cycle of wanting to die over minor screwups and then feeling guilty about it (“شوقم به زندگی صفر شده...”). Finally, the burnt orange twist is the little charred garnish of hope and aesthetic pleasure—like their love of weather-porn and the dream of a quiet Seattle suburb (“امیدوارم شرایط جوری بشه که بعد از ۳۰ سالگی کلا ساکن یه suburb سیاتل باشم.”)—giving a fragrant, slightly scorched finish to an otherwise aggressively honest drink.
Your Hogwarts House
Ravenclaw
This user shows a strong, persistent intellectual bent and love of learning that points to Ravenclaw. They explicitly enjoy studying statistics and linear algebra for its own sake, contrasting it with gaming: “سر کار قبلیم با انگیزه برای جیآرای میخوندم، سر کار فعلیم با علاقه نشستهام پای تقویت آمار و جبر خطی. این وسط… ۲۰۰ ساعت الدن رینگ بازی کردم و با زجر پایاننامه رو نوشتم.” and they daydream about statistics as a better field: “اون رشتهی کیری رو نخون. جاش آمار بخون.”. They also entertain themselves by analyzing data-like information for fun, such as digging through climate charts on WeatherSpark and identifying their ideal city: “حوصلهام که سر میره میرم تو weatherspark و شرایط آب و هوایی شهرهای مختلف تو طول سال رو نگاه میکنم… امیدوارم شرایط جوری بشه که بعد از ۳۰ سالگی کلا ساکن یه suburb سیاتل باشم.”. Their critical, analytical attitude toward social issues and people’s reasoning is constant, for example when they dissect Iranian attitudes toward privilege and percentiles and wish for a sociological analysis: “کاش یه جامعهشناس مقالهای چیزی در مورد مشکل ایران و ایرانی با پرسنتایل، جانمایی، شبیهسازی شرایط مختلف و درک Privilege داشتن بنویسه…”. While there is cynicism and anger (which could hint Slytherin), the throughline is reflective self-critique, detailed observation of their own mental states and environment, and an almost academic fascination with systems (education, weather, social structures), all hallmarks of a cerebral Ravenclaw rather than primarily ambitious or glory-driven traits.
Your movie
Your song
Creep - Radiohead
A fitting song for @doogooboo is Creep by Radiohead, because so much of their timeline circles around insecurity, self‑disgust, and feeling out of place. They describe their mood as a loop of nihilism and shame, saying they often wish they would just die when things go wrong and then feel guilty about it compared to others’ suffering “شوقم به زندگی صفر شده و بعد از پیش اومدن کوچیکترین مشکلی پیش خودم میگم کاش اتفاقی میافتاد و همین الان میمردم...”. Their obsessive anxiety about balding and appearance “کلهی در حال کچل شدنم دریا دریا اینسکیوریتی جدید توم ایجاد کرده.” and the constant sense of being stupid or failing at life plans “نصف اوقات بیداریم احساس کودن بودن میکنم. ۸۰ درصد بقیهی روز رو هم به کودن بودنم فکر میکنم و ناراحت میشم.” mirror the song’s "I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo" core. At the same time, they clearly crave a calmer, drama‑free existence and a quiet, safe place, like when they fantasize about being a risk‑averse, comfortable first‑world homebody “سبک زندگی ایدهآل من... اینه که یه امّل متولد جهان اول باشم که تو زندگیش مجبور نیست از comfort zoneاش خارج بشه.”. That tension between intense self‑loathing and a longing to just belong and feel okay is exactly what makes Creep such a strong match for their personality and tweets.
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