
Strengths and Weaknesses

Your Simpsons character
Despite the user's destructive habits, they share Lisa’s intellectual alienation and 'gifted child' burnout, notably shown in their desire to “maintain nineties in school without doing work”. They mirror Lisa's cynical worldview and frustration with a “country ass town with a bunch of homophobic and god loving weirdos” who demand conformity. Like Lisa, the user struggles with high expectations and the fear of being a “disappointment” if they cannot fulfill their family role. Ultimately, their constant existential questioning and feeling that they must be “more special now” reflects a dark, teenage version of Lisa’s search for identity and validation.

Your MBTI personality Type
The user demonstrates Introversion through a focus on internal emotional turmoil and solitary self-harm, often feeling “disrespectful and rude” when forced to interact with family. Their Intuition is evident in their preoccupation with future identities and 'kinning' fictional characters, wondering if they are “doomed to become kikuri hiroi” rather than focusing on the present. As a Feeling type, their decisions and self-worth are tied to intense emotions and a desire to be “special” or 'better' in a subjective, moral sense. Finally, their Perceiving trait is shown through a lack of structure and a struggle with deadlines, admitting they “put everything off” due to feeling overwhelmed.

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Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
16yo marching band enthusiast and aspiring artist. Once performed a full rehearsal with bleeding palms just to keep the rhythm. Focused on my studies and music.– @DumbDrunkDyke

Your signature cocktail
This experimental, high-strength concoction captures a teen who is “doomed to become kikuri hiroi” by mixing cheap sake with green tea, reflecting her question: “do certain types of tea work better for fasting??”. The splash of bitter lemon embodies her frustration with a “country ass town” full of conformists, while the salted rim represents the sensory overload of “marching band practice” and the annoyance of “not because society decided it’s a bad hobby, but because nobody tells you that you’re never going to stop itching ever”. Finally, the crushed cherry at the bottom mirrors her desire to put a “cutsie little lace up pattern” on her skin, making for a drink that is as intense and self-destructive as her Twitter feed.

Your Hogwarts House
The user demonstrates a distinct Slytherin focus on self-preservation and calculated ambition, specifically regarding her academic and social status. She exhibits resourcefulness in wanting to “maintain nineties in school without doing work” and shows a cunning side by “pretending to be 22” to bypass age restrictions for writing events. Her intense, singular drive toward a specific aesthetic and identity—becoming Kikuri Hiroi—is a form of dark ambition, while her frustration with “conformity” and her “country ass town” highlights a sharp 'us vs. them' mentality typical of the house. Finally, her willingness to engage in deceptive behaviors for personal gain or emotional outlet confirms a priority on individual desire over communal rules.

Your movie

Your song
This song perfectly captures the user's intense struggle with body image and the self-destructive desire to reach an unattainable physical ideal. The lyrics mirror her fixation on weight and caloric restriction, as seen when she mentions “lowering goal weight…………” and asks “do certain types of tea work better for fasting??”. The track’s themes of feeling 'not good enough' resonate with her constant self-deprecation, such as calling herself “such a bad person” or “pathetic”. Ultimately, the song reflects the painful teenage experience of tying one's self-worth to a scale while desperately seeking validation from others.

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DumbDrunkDyke
green: confident, yellow: guess, red: uncertain
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