Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
- Emotionally expressive: Openly shares intense feelings, like craving, despair, and joy, for example in “FFFUCK OH MY GOD I NEED HIM SO BAD” and “I won. I fucking won. He's mine.”.
- Self‑aware humor: Uses self‑deprecating jokes to frame struggles, such as “I've decided I'm gonna stop jerking off to Eito Aotsuki's forever. I'm a new person now. New year new me.” and mocking their own gambling in “This bracket gamble game easy asf. Gonna bet my whole salary on that florist Eito.”.
- Community engaged: Interacts heavily with others via quotes, polls, and union talk, like rallying people in “✊🏳️🌈EITOSEXUALS RISE UP🏳️🌈✊ Huge credit to @tidytakkun...” and asking followers for help in “Can anyone help me. He feels uncomfortable without telling me why.”.
- Creatively expressive: Shows creativity through art and bits, like reborn drawings in “[#rkgk] Reborn” and playful ideas like OnlyStraw in “Maybe I could turn it into some kind of OnlyStraw and post dentist pics.”.
- Resilient survivor: Despite repeated crises, continues posting and rebuilding, such as returning after a suicide attempt in “I… survived, you freaks.” and reflecting on exhaustion but trying to respond in “I’m still trying to fully regain my strength... I really am trying to reply to everyone…”.
Weaknesses:
- Impulsive self‑harm: Frequent references to suicide and self‑injury, including “Finally Kill myself”, “I'm going to kill myself, and it'll be entirely your fault.”, and “Should’ve killed myself from the beginning actually”.
- Addictive behavior: Shows problematic alcohol, gambling, and sexual habits, like “Buying myself new bottles knowing I don’t have to face therapy as a reward.”, betting entire salary in “I'VE BET MY WHOLE SALARY ON THAT DAMN FLORIST.”, and compulsive masturbation in “I was at work, doomscrolling through Eito pictures while getting off...”.
- Hostile communication: Frequently lashes out with insults and threats, such as “I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU 3L0N FUCK YOU”, “He‘s so pathetic. Of course you have a private account. Don’t ever tell me I should seek therapy, insecure ass Wokedog.”, and “What the fuck man. You are seriously messed up in your head.”.
- Boundary issues: Shows disregard for others’ comfort and consent, like obsessing over kissing Eito in “I JUST WANT TO KISS EITO GODDAMNIT IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK.”, anger at being blocked for licking comments in “Do you not care about consent at all.”, and masturbating on someone’s dirty clothes in “I did, in fact, use her dirty clothes to smell and masturbate on it.”.
- Manipulative tendencies: Uses guilt and dramatics to sway others, for example tying suicide to follower milestones in “Looks like my suicide will be my 300 followers special, I guess.”, threatening someone’s career in “I'm going to kill myself, and it'll be entirely your fault. I'll make sure you get kicked out…”, and framing a fake suicide as fundraising in “fake suicide just to get donations.”.
Your Simpsons character
Homer Simpson
The account reads most like Homer Simpson: impulsive, self-destructive, wildly emotional, and capable of dramatic swings between grandiosity and despair. Like Homer, they constantly make terrible life choices and then half-ironically justify them, such as glorifying addiction in “There’s no such thing as gambling addiction—you just didn’t try hard enough… If you don’t reach the jackpot, it only means you didn’t push far enough. There’s always one waiting. You just have to keep gambling.” and celebrating avoiding therapy in “Buying myself new bottles knowing I don’t have to face therapy as a reward. Life is great again.”. Their melodramatic, repeatedly walked-back threats of self-destruction echo Homer’s over-the-top crises: see “I'm about to get 300 followers too, wow. Looks like my suicide will be my 300 followers special, I guess.” followed by “I… survived, you freaks. Sigh… can’t even get killing myself right.”. The mix of crude horniness and obsessive fixation mirrors Homer’s lusty tunnel vision, shown in tweets like “FFFUCK OH MY GOD I NEED HIM SO BAD” and “FUCK FUCK FUCKKKK MY HOMOSPERMIA I FEEL A SURGE I CANT HOLD IT ANYMORE I NEED YOU SO BAD I THINK I'M GONNA RELAPSE”. Finally, they show a strangely earnest need to be loved and validated despite causing chaos—very Homer—begging in “I’m so so so sorry. Please forgive me. Please. Please. I need you back.” and clinging to recognition in “At least someone gave me a 5 star. Thank you! I will appreciate that, always and forever.”.
Your MBTI personality Type
ENFP
They lean Extraverted: their timeline is highly outward-facing and attention‑seeking, constantly involving others, drama, and public declarations, such as rallying people with “✊🏳️🌈EITOSEXUALS RISE UP🏳️🌈✊ Huge credit to @tidytakkun for creating this amazing new flag — I think it’s really beautiful. May everyeito who feels called to Eitosexuality find their way to it. Raise your hand if you're a proud Eitosexual or an ally..!!” and openly discussing their meltdowns like “ARE YOU GUYS FUCKING SERIOUS I'VE BET MY WHOLE SALARY ON THAT DAMN FLORIST. ALL OF IT. AND HE LOST?! FUCK THIS SHITASS GAMBLE LIFE. WHERES MY BOTTLE”. They are clearly Intuitive, spinning situations into broader narratives and identity labels (Eitosexuality, union politics, conspiratorial feelings of being used) rather than focusing on concrete detail, e.g. “This is so true. No one really understands the pain we have to go through. The rejection, the oppression — people just point their fingers at us and laugh. It’s no wonder so many of us turn to alcohol and cigarettes.”. Their decision‑making is heavily Feeling‑based, driven by emotional validation, betrayal, and perceived loyalty rather than logic; they oscillate between rage and desperate apologies like “I’m so so so sorry. Please forgive me. Please. Please. I need you back. Please. I'm just a Eito. I can't help doing silly stuff. It's just my DNA.” and emotional blame such as “I'm going to kill myself, and it'll be entirely your fault. I'll make sure you get kicked out — say goodbye to that fancy law career you were dreaming of.”. Finally, their behavior is highly Perceiving: impulsive, disorganized, and prone to last‑second swings rather than structured planning, as seen in their chaotic gambling and self‑sabotage (“There’s no such thing as gambling addiction—you just didn’t try hard enough… You just have to keep gambling.”) and rapidly changing resolutions like “I've decided I'm gonna stop jerking off to Eito Aotsuki's forever. I'm a new person now. New year new me.” almost immediately undercut by “FUCK FUCK FUCKKKK MY HOMOSPERMIA I FEEL A SURGE I CANT HOLD IT ANYMORE I NEED YOU SO BAD I THINK I'M GONNA RELAPSE”. Putting these together, their public, emotional, dramatic, and impulsive style best fits ENFP.
Some pickup lines for you
- You keep saying you’re a ‘good dentist’ while chanting it like a spell—how about you run one sanity check on me and I’ll pay you back in 5‑star reviews and one (1) consensual Eito kiss attempt?
- You bet your whole salary on that florist Eito and lost, but I’m a much safer gamble: odds of you winning? 100%. Worst case, you just end up drunk by a campfire telling everyone you finally hit the jackpot.
- You survived your ‘goodbye forever’ AND the suicide‑as-300‑followers‑special arc, still working on milk projects for TickleCorp and doomscrolling Eito pics at work—honestly, that resilience is hotter than any Aotsuki. I don’t want to fix you; I just want to stand next to you while you win for once.
- Since you’re thinking of giving up dentistry to become a hairdresser and turn every Takumi into Eito… may I book the ‘Reluctant Takumi to Happy Eito’ package, but instead of a haircut you just quietly accept that I’m Eitosexual for you?
- You tried to quit jerking off to Eito Aotsukis on New Year’s and relapsed faster than your bottles restock; maybe your next resolution should be ‘date someone who actually likes my homospermia ramblings’—I volunteer as tribute, no therapy required.
Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
Dentist by day, disaster by night. Once nearly lost my legs to a campfire on New Year’s. Rebuilding my life, one filling and bad decision at a time.– @Eitodentist
Your signature cocktail
The Eitosexual Relapse
The Eitosexual Relapse is a chaotic, high-proof drink for someone who tweets things like “FUCK FUCK FUCKKKK MY HOMOSPERMIA I FEEL A SURGE I CANT HOLD IT ANYMORE I NEED YOU SO BAD I THINK I'M GONNA RELAPSE” right after swearing off their obsession in “I've decided I'm gonna stop jerking off to Eito Aotsuki's forever. I'm a new person now. New year new me.”. The overproof dark rum captures their self-destructive intensity and suicidal spirals like “I'm going to kill myself, and it'll be entirely your fault.”. Black coffee liqueur reflects doomscrolling and grinding through exhaustion, as when they say “Working so hard on this milk project for the Tickle company. Like, actual work. Really miss the good old days when I could just jerk off and call it productivity”. Sour cherry liqueur brings a tart, needy sweetness for their desperate romantic fixations, like “I JUST WANT TO KISS EITO GODDAMNIT IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK.”. Charcoal-infused simple syrup symbolizes their constant cancellations, fake deaths, and rebirths — from “Finally Kill myself” to “Reborn” and “I… survived, you freaks.”. Finally, a sharp squeeze of fresh lime cuts through the darkness with biting sarcasm and self-awareness, echoing tweets like “There’s no such thing as gambling addiction—you just didn’t try hard enough.” and their bitter, hilarious rants about therapy and hypocrisy.
Your Hogwarts House
Slytherin
Eito’s defining traits are ambition, ruthlessly self‑interested survival, and manipulative resourcefulness, all classic Slytherin markers. They explicitly turn a suicide attempt into a monetized spectacle and then justify it with comparison to someone else’s wrongdoing: “Uhm… everyone’s still going to donate to me, right? … Chaser Eito literally cheated on me — and honestly, that’s way worse than my fake suicide just to get donations.”. Their fixation on status and power within the Union also reads as deeply Slytherin: they rage about being replaced and dream of regaining prestige—“I’m going to kill myself, and it’ll be entirely your fault… I’ll become Member of the Week again, and Union Boss kun will be proud of me again.”. Eito is extremely opportunistic and self‑preserving, scrambling to protect their reputation when a Google Doc threatens their career: “Everyone don’t read Nozomi’s Google Doc It’s fake I swear She just wants my fucking Google Stars” and then “I WILL PERSONALLY HAUNT YOU FOR ABUSING PHOTOSHOP LIKE THIS YOU JUST WANT TO SEE ME JOBLESS”. Even their gambling and manipulation of sympathy are framed as strategic games rather than moral dilemmas, like “There’s no such thing as gambling addiction—you just didn’t try hard enough… If you don’t reach the jackpot, it only means you didn’t push far enough.”. While they show flashes of vulnerability and need for connection, the consistent throughline is cunning, self‑justification, and a relentless drive to secure attention, status, and survival, which fits Slytherin far better than any other house.
Your movie
Your song
Bury a Friend - Billie Eilish
The unsettling mix of self-destructive impulses, dark humor, and fixation on others in Bury a Friend mirrors Dentist Eito’s online persona. They bounce between suicidal ideation and theatrically threatening statements, like “I'm going to kill myself, and it'll be entirely your fault.” and “Should’ve killed myself from the beginning actually”, which fits the song’s obsession with death and internal monsters. Their identity feels unstable and haunted by others’ perceptions—seen in tweets like “The union betrayed me. I've lost the game. ... Everyone hates me. I'm better off dead.” and “I don‘t even know what to say. I… I would never have thought that my TickleCorp boss would refer to me as a stranger.”. The song’s eerie, obsessive tone also echoes their intense parasocial desire and sexual fixation, as in “FFFUCK OH MY GOD I NEED HIM SO BAD” and “I JUST WANT TO KISS EITO GODDAMNIT IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK.”. Overall, the track’s themes of self-sabotage, obsession, and being both victim and monster align closely with the chaotic, self-loathing, yet theatrically expressive way they present themself.
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