
Strengths and Weaknesses

Your Simpsons character
They read as a hyper-online, emotionally intense, smart, and self-aware person who still feels alienated, which aligns most with Lisa Simpson. Lisa often catastrophizes and spirals, similar to this user posting things like “It's getting harder for eito poisoner to find a reason to persist” and “Somebody fix me”. The way they combine self-deprecation and dramatic flair in posts like “I used to be someone.” and “Fuck my stupid eito poisoner life.” mirrors Lisa’s habit of voicing her angst and existential dread. They also show strong fixations and niche passions—e.g., obsessing over Eito and The Hundred Line, as in “I must poison eito. I must poison eito...”—just as Lisa fixates on causes, hobbies, and specific media. Finally, their flashes of biting, almost moralistic commentary such as “Nobody even believes what they say. They just say it because it earns them society points.” echo Lisa’s critical, overthinking nature when confronting hypocrisy around her.

Your MBTI personality Type
They lean Introvert over Extrovert: their world revolves around a very specific inner fixation and parasocial attachment rather than broad social engagement, and they openly discuss feeling isolated and overwhelmed by others, e.g. “It's getting harder for eito poisoner to find a reason to persist” and “Go away.”. Their tweets show strong Intuition over Sensing, with a focus on inner narratives, symbolism, and meta-fandom rather than concrete, detailed reality: they frame themselves as an archetype or bit, like “Everyday eito poisoner is forced to live in this eito poisoner body… her desire to poison grows stronger” and “Eito Poisoner will be real”, and imagine roles such as “I will be the first transgender absent mother.”. They are clearly Feeling-dominant: emotions and relationships are foregrounded, from self-worth based on follower counts like “I'm down to 495. Should I kill myself?” and longing like “Do you still love me”, to emphatic statements such as “I love consent!”; there’s almost no evidence of detached logical analysis. Their lifestyle reads as Perceiving rather than Judging: they describe procrastination and disorganization—“I'll get my shit together tomorrow, I say every day.” and “There's been broken glass on my floor for days. I could clean it up.but I don't want to. I can simply dodge it.”—and operate impulsively in mood and posting, rather than following structured plans. Putting this together, they best fit INFP: an intensely internal, emotionally driven, imaginative person whose identity and online persona are shaped around idealized attachments, dramatic inner monologue, and a somewhat chaotic, unstructured life.

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Your new Twitter bio
Narrative gremlin annotating light novels, baking dubious pancakes, and studying Ren’Py instead of cleaning the broken glass on the floor.– @eitopoison

Your signature cocktail
The Doctor Pepper reduction syrup nods to their junk-food comfort and fizzy enthusiasm, inspired by “Mmmm. Doctor peppor.”. A hefty pour of overproof rum matches the chaotic, high-proof energy of lines like “Fuck my stupid eito poisoner life.” and the obsessive mantra “I must poison eito. I must poison eito.”. Violet liqueur captures their purple, dramatic phases—“Ouuuugh. I'm purple.”—and their oddly romantic devotion to fictional boys like “Isn't he just so dreamy”. The activated charcoal salt rim gives the drink a literal poison-aesthetic edge, echoing “Everyday eito poisoner is forced to live in this eito poisoner body… her desire to poison grows stronger.”. Finally, a bright splash of yuzu soda brings a sharp, effervescent bitterness-sweetness that mirrors their mix of melodrama and humor, from “Eito poisoner needs a spa day.” to the deadpan menace of “Eito Poisoner will be real”.

Your Hogwarts House
Their whole persona is built around a theatrical, slightly villainous brand — literally calling themself Eito Poisoner and repeatedly posting things like “I must poison eito. I must poison eito. I must poison eito…”, which shows a love of darkly playful obsession and roleplay rather than straightforward heroism. There’s a strong self-mythologizing streak and desire to be central to the narrative: they say “Eito Poisoner here. Put me in all of your fanworks. I like to be included.” and “Which eito do i add to my EITO harem next?? YOU decide, YOU specifically.”, indicating ambition to be a fixture in the fandom and to curate their own little empire of in-jokes. They’re also strategic and self-aware about their reputation, joking that “Eito Poisoner high key fell off. Good thing I'm not her.” and then later revealing “The truth is. I am eito poisoner.”, which is a very Slytherin kind of persona management and playful deceit. Even their melodramatic posts about fear and self-preservation, like “Eito poisoner is so afraid. Please hold her.” and “It's getting harder for eito poisoner to find a reason to persist”, fit Slytherin’s tendency toward intense inner narratives and survival-focused angst. Overall, the mix of dark humor, desire for influence in a niche community, and highly constructed persona aligns much more with Slytherin than with the straightforward bravery of Gryffindor, the steady kindness of Hufflepuff, or the cerebral distance of Ravenclaw.

Your movie

Your song
MARINA’s Teen Idle fits them because it mixes dark humor, self-loathing, and theatrical melodrama in the same way they do. They swing between nihilistic despair and ironic distance, like when they post “What's the point” and “It's getting harder for eito poisoner to find a reason to persist”, which echoes the song’s lines about wasted youth and wanting to disappear. Their exaggerated fixation on eito and poisoning, as in “I must poison eito. I must poison eito.”, mirrors the song’s obsessive, almost campy dramatization of unhealthy desires. Self-image crises and attention to their online persona, like “Eito Poisoner high key fell off. Good thing I'm not her.” and “I'm down to 495. Should I kill myself?”, match the track’s fixation on identity, popularity, and self-destruction. Even when they joke about being sick, messy, or unlovable—“Every eito poisoner day is the same but eito poisoner worse”—there’s an underlying yearning to be seen and cared for that fits the song’s core vulnerability beneath all the edge.

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eitopoison
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