
Strengths and Weaknesses

Your Simpsons character
The user’s bio declares themselves a "coming Caesar … Dominus/Deus," a grandiose self‑image that mirrors Mr. Burns’s god‑like view of himself as the ultimate power in Springfield. Their tweet "The philosophy of the Melian dialogue … The strong do what they can’t the weak suffer what they must." reflects the same ruthless power‑politics that Mr. Burns constantly espouses when he says "I’m not a monster, I’m just a businessman." The user’s authoritarian, xenophobic line "It’s OKAY to just deport everyone and give $10k and a plane ticket to false positives" aligns with Burns’s frequent contempt for the working class and his willingness to exploit or exile anyone who threatens his interests. Their nihilistic lament "My only regret … you just die." captures the bleak, cynical outlook that Mr. Burns often displays, such as when he declares "I’m a man of science… I have no use for sentiment." Finally, the frequent philosophical references to Nietzsche, Schopenhauer, and ancient Greek history (e.g., "Schopenhauer writes about this…", "The Peloponnese is rightful Greek land") echo a pretentious, erudite posture but, combined with the power‑hungry, elitist tone, point more toward Mr. Burns’s self‑styled "dominant ruler" persona.

Your MBTI personality Type
The user frequently broadcasts provocative opinions to a wide audience, as seen in 'Every black person, brown person, and dumbass I’ve met uses voice notes instead of texting… I hate it, I just ignore every single one I get,' showing a preference for external expression. Their posts are filled with abstract philosophical and mythological references, such as 'Kalos has entered the duatussy and will soon be telling Osiris that he is him. Anubis has weighed his Twitter posts against the feather of Ma’at…' indicating a focus on ideas and possibilities over concrete details. They often make value‑laden moral judgments, for example 'My only regret in life is not ending it in the midst of despair' and 'Fascism was really just Italian troglodytes…', reflecting decisions driven by personal feelings and ethics. The chaotic, spontaneous nature of their timeline—jumping from 'The sea is green. The Egyptians knew this.' to 'Finally… Nintendogs returns' and 'When your new penis grows in once a fortnite'—shows a flexible, unstructured approach typical of perceivers.

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Your new Twitter bio
Philosophy nerd, myth lover & indie gamer. Once brewed kefir on a Thai boat. Milk aficionado, Nietzsche fan, always hunting weird art.– @FaustAugustus

Your signature cocktail
Caesar's Orphic Milk blends fresh whole milk with a dash of absinthe, Campari, charred mezcal, and a pinch of activated charcoal, creating a dark, intoxicating potion that mirrors the user's self‑styled 'coming Caesar' and love of milk. The bitter herbs and Campari echo the tweet "The philosophy of the Melian dialogue gradually came to define the history of the Greek and Roman world after it. The strong do what they can’t the weak suffer what they must," capturing the grandiose historic references. The smoky mezcal, tinted green, nods to the conspiratorial claim "The sea is green. The Egyptians knew this. You have been lied to," while the charcoal reflects the abyssal nihilism of "I am my enemies, and they are me." Finally, the chaotic mix of flavors recalls the user's chaotic tweet "This meme image is neither an accurate nor a comprehensive representation of Nietzsche’s thought, and yet people are attacking and defending the premise as if it were," and the volatile energy of "Fascism was really just Italian troglodytes getting oneshot by internal combustion, suddenly waking up after 500 years, and deciding the whole world needed to Go Fast."

Your Hogwarts House
The bio says "The coming Caesar, milk drinker, despiser of seed oils and dašyus. Enforcer of Nietzschean Orphismos. Dominus/Deus", which shows a clear ambition for power and dominance, a core Slytherin trait. In a tweet they claim "The philosophy of the Melian dialogue ... The strong do what they can’t the weak suffer what they must," revealing a belief that the powerful should rule over the weak. Their praise of authoritarian ideas, such as "Fascism was really just Italian troglodytes ... and deciding the whole world needed to Go Fast," displays a ruthless, pragmatic mindset. They also dismiss opponents with strategic sarcasm, writing "This meme image is neither an accurate nor a comprehensive representation of Nietzsche’s thought... because they are all the Last Man and are damnably stupid," which reflects Slytherin cunning. Overall, the feed is driven by personal ambition, dominance, and a disregard for conventional morality, aligning most closely with Slytherin values.

Your movie

Your song
The song "Hurt" captures the blend of grandiose nihilism and deep personal despair that runs through @FaustAugustus’s feed. Their tweet "My only regret in life is not ending it in the midst of despair… there is no joy, no happiness, no hope" mirrors the lyric "I hurt myself today to see if I still feel". The recurring theme of emptiness – "the world seems dark and empty now" and "The only two sources of happiness in the world are hope and memory. One is illusory, the other irretrievable" – aligns with the song’s refrain "What have I become?". Their self‑destructive, Nietzsche‑inflected worldview ("I am my enemies, and they are me") resonates with the line "Everyone I know goes away in the end". The track’s stark acoustic arrangement reflects the user’s blunt commentary, as seen in statements like "Illiterates shouldn’t even have phones."

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FaustAugustus
green: confident, yellow: guess, red: uncertain
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