Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
- Affectionate partner: Frequently expresses love and pride for their wife/fiancée, like “hi guys this is maddie i hijacked mars’ account just wanted to say i love my (soon to be) wife :3” and “happy lesbian day to all lesbians but especially my favorite one (my wife)”.
- Supportive friend: Shows care for others’ feelings and safety, e.g. calling out harassment in “man driving his 28k followers to harass some random woman with a couple hundred followers” and defending respectful behavior at films in “if you’re going to go see brokeback mountain in theaters just to sit there and giggle i hope you get jumped”.
- Creative artist: Regularly makes art and crafts, like “went to the park today and did this doodle of my gf”, “made my mom a rosary for mother’s day”, and maintaining an art only acct in their bio.
- Humorous observer: Uses witty commentary about daily life and media, such as “gf just said the sandwich they got for lunch is ‘gonna do numbers’” and “gf didn’t realize nelson franklin was one of the hikers and thought everyone was making jokes about robbie in new girl”.
- Media‑savvy fan: Engages thoughtfully with TV/film, referencing Yellowjackets, Buffy, Final Destination, and others, e.g. “i mourn the show yellowjackets could’ve been had it been made in the era of tv where shows got 20 episode seasons” and “almost done with my first ever buffy watch”.
Weaknesses:
- Harsh judgments: Can be cutting toward others, e.g. “people with ugly boyfriends should have the grace to not post pictures of them” and hoping disruptive moviegoers “get jumped” in this tweet.
- Body insecurity: Expresses self‑critical thoughts about appearance, like “why did i show up fat and wearing jeans” and engaging with weight‑focused discourse in “there’s just no way everyone’s quoting #that tweet with pictures of themselves and their weight”.
- Online conflict: Gets pulled into or comments on social media drama, e.g. discourse over bi/lesbian arguments in “if u are a bisexual woman and you don’t feel ‘valid’ or ‘queer enough’ while dating a man” and frustration with fandom pile‑ons in “man driving his 28k followers to harass some random woman”.
- Cynical streak: Often defaults to bleak or jaded humor, like “just overheard my gf telling one of our cats not to wake up bc it’ll only lead to disappointment” and “i don’t understand why i just left ikwydls feeling like i sat through a middle credit and an end credit just to watch nick fury recruit bluey”.
- Strong reactivity: Reacts intensely to media or behavior, such as “the crimes committed against anya have gone unpunished for far too long. joss whedon… count ur days.” and “mike white your days are numbered”, which can read as impulsive or extreme.
Your Simpsons character
Lisa Simpson
They read a lot, care about media thoughtfully, and have a sharp moral compass, which fits Lisa more than the other main characters. For example, they’re trying to read while their wife keeps sending TikToks, a very Lisa-versus-distraction moment: “trying to read and my wife keeps sending me bullshit on tiktok”. Like Lisa’s mix of earnestness and sarcastic bite, they’ll defend things they care about (e.g. going to see queer cinema respectfully: “if you’re going to go see brokeback mountain in theaters just to sit there and giggle i hope you get jumped”) while still being very online and funny. Their combination of pop‑culture obsession and introspection also feels Lisa-coded, like when they say “i mourn the show yellowjackets could’ve been had it been made in the era of tv where shows got 20 episode seasons”. On top of that, there’s a warm, dorky sincerity about their relationship—“being engaged is so cool it’s like hey i’m sitting on the couch next to my fiancée”—that mirrors Lisa’s genuine, if sometimes exasperated, love for her family.
Your MBTI personality Type
INFP
They lean Introvert: their life focus is on a tight circle (cat, wife, niche fandoms) and homey, low‑key pleasures rather than big social scenes, e.g. “being engaged is so cool it’s like hey i’m sitting on the couch next to my fiancée” and cozy solo joys like “free panera at work today, eating my lunch on the rooftop patio, beautiful weather… maybe everything really is going to be okay”. They show strong Intuition in their love of media analysis and conceptual jokes rather than concrete how‑to content, such as musing about Yellowjackets arcs in “i mourn the show yellowjackets could’ve been had it been made in the era of tv where shows got 20 episode seasons” and abstract identity humor like “i wish i looked like a boy who looks like a girl who likes like a boy who look like a”. Their values‑driven, empathy‑centered tone fits Feeling: they call out cruelty and harassment in “man driving his 28k followers to harass some random woman with a couple hundred followers because she had the nerve to post a picture on tiktok of herself” and defend queer/bisexual feelings in “#imo if u are a bisexual woman and you don’t feel ‘valid’ or ‘queer enough’ while dating a man… you should do some self reflection… instead of arguing with lesbians”. Their spontaneity, playful chaos, and comfort with unfinished/flowy states suggest Perceiving: they share in‑progress art like “frankenwip”, joke about impulsive fandom behavior in “made the mistake of like one (1) supernatural related post now my TL thinks i’m 14 again”, and frame life events with an off‑the‑cuff, whimsical tone rather than strict planning. Overall, they combine private, emotionally rich inner life with imaginative media/fandom engagement and go‑with‑the‑flow humor, aligning best with INFP.
Some pickup lines for you
- If your wife ever needs a break from sending you TikTok chaos while you’re trying to read, I can sit quietly next to you and annotate Final Destination bloodlines discourse instead.
- You wishing you looked like “a boy who looks like a girl who looks like a boy who looks like a…” is wild, because from your #NewProfilePic era alone I’m already in my Yellowjackets cabin arc over you.
- You made your mom a rosary, your wife a whole art account shout-out, and yourself a little keychain—if I behave, do I eventually unlock the ‘handmade trinket from mars’ achievement too?
- You got married, proposed, rewatched Dawson’s Creek AND finished The Sopranos, but I’m still stuck on that tweet about grocery shopping after getting approved for SNAP—can I take you on a date where we splurge irresponsibly in the snack aisle like that again?
- You mourning what Yellowjackets could’ve been in 20-episode seasons… I get it. If we went to see Brokeback Mountain together and anyone giggled, I’d hard-stare them Paddington-style while holding your hand—respect for cinema AND for you, that’s my brand.
Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
Mars · 26 · they/them. Married to my favorite movie date. Once broke a mutual over a 1★ horror review and I stand by it. Art: @peanutjpgs– @ghostfazed
Your signature cocktail
The Wife Guy on 35mm
Reposado tequila with a hint of Mexican coffee liqueur nods to them being proudly, playfully Mexican-adjacent by marriage and extremely online, like when they joked about their partner being "2 weeks away from being mexican by marriage" “fiancée is 2 weeks away from being mexican by marriage and they’re trying to say we should move to spain”. Sparkling rosé captures the soft, romantic, wife-guy energy that runs through their timeline, especially their giddy updates about engagement and marriage “being engaged is so cool it’s like hey i’m sitting on the couch next to my fiancée” and “got married 🙂↕️”. Hibiscus-honey syrup brings a vivid, slightly dramatic sweetness for their horror-loving, movie-brain side, from Brokeback Mountain theater etiquette to Final Destination hype “now sat for final destination bloodlines :D”. The smoked salt rim adds a little bite and cynicism for their sharp pop-culture takes and occasional righteous drag of fandoms “man driving his 28k followers to harass some random woman with a couple hundred followers because she had the nerve to post a picture on tiktok of herself”. Finally, the lime peel and tiny confetti sprinkles garnish are a wink to their bio’s line “the rest is confetti” and the way they find joy in small, glittery life moments like rooftop Panera lunches and rainbow shirts “free panera at work today, eating my lunch on the rooftop patio, beautiful weather… maybe everything really is going to be okay” and “rainbow reflected on my i love my gf shirt #LoveWins”.
Your Hogwarts House
Hufflepuff
Their defining throughline is intense loyalty and a soft, grounded kind of care for the people they love, which is very Hufflepuff-coded. They gush about their partner constantly, from the simple joy of being engaged in “being engaged is so cool it’s like hey i’m sitting on the couch next to my fiancée” to celebrating small, everyday moments like “trying to read and my wife keeps sending me bullshit on tiktok” and “gf just turned 26 and i’m still 25 is this an acceptable age gap or should we break up”. Their care extends outward too: they make a handmade rosary for their mom in “made my mom a rosary for mother’s day” and treat their cats with tender, almost parental affection in “just overheard my gf telling one of our cats not to wake up bc it’ll only lead to disappointment” and “my cat is seeing the tv glow”. When they do wade into discourse, it’s with a fairness-and-boundaries angle, as in “#imo if u are a bisexual woman and you don’t feel ‘valid’ or ‘queer enough’ while dating a man… do some self reflection… instead of arguing with lesbians” and especially “whenever i get tempted to get sucked into whatever bi/lesbian discourse is going on i remember that i have a beautiful lesbian fiancée that i can kiss and go outside with and then i just keep scrolling”, which shows a preference for real relationships and peace over ego. Even their humor and pop-culture takes often come from a place of protectiveness and empathy, like calling out people giggling through Brokeback Mountain in “if you’re going to go see brokeback mountain in theaters just to sit there and giggle i hope you get jumped”. Taken together, the emphasis on devotion, kindness in close relationships, and a desire for simple, genuine comfort over clout or drama strongly points to Hufflepuff.
Your movie
Your song
Girls Like Girls - Hayley Kiyoko
A well-suited song is “Girls Like Girls” because so much of their online life is openly, joyfully sapphic—from getting engaged and then married to their wife (“(i proposed)”, “got married 🙂↕️”) to casually celebrating being "engaged" and then "sitting on the couch" with their fiancée (“being engaged is so cool it’s like hey i’m sitting on the couch next to my fiancée”). Their bio and tweets constantly center loving their wife and girlfriend, like “hi guys this is maddie i hijacked mars’ account just wanted to say i love my (soon to be) wife :3” and “happy lesbian day to all lesbians but especially my favorite one (my wife)”, echoing the song’s unapologetic celebration of queer love. There’s also a playful, slightly dramatic tone in their posts—about movies, TV, and fandom (“whenever i get tempted to get sucked into whatever bi/lesbian discourse is going on i remember that i have a beautiful lesbian fiancée that i can kiss and go outside with and then i just keep scrolling”)—that fits Kiyoko’s blend of earnest feeling and pop-culture-ready melodrama. Overall, the song’s theme of centering queer romance with pride and a bit of attitude matches their timeline’s mix of affection, humor, and very gay domestic bliss.
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