Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
- Intellectually Rigorous: Demonstrates deep engagement with complex theory, such as challenging an NYU professor over Agamben and political ontology.
- Resilient: Views her personal vulnerability as a source of strength, claiming to be “inexhaustibly breakable” and therefore unbreakable.
- Literary Wit: Uses clever wordplay and niche references, like joking that Melville based Bartleby on Bart Simpson.
- Self-Aware: Acknowledges her own tendencies, describing her type as people with “smirks—just like me”.
- Radically Hopeful: Commits to an “active, impatient hope” despite experiencing emotional pain or a broken heart.
Weaknesses:
- Pathological Guilt: Suffered anxiety as a child believing she “killed Steve Jobs” by forgetting to pray for him.
- Socially Adversarial: Admitted to running a “troll account in college” specifically to annoy and be blocked by her professors.
- Self-Sacrificing: Admits to a cycle of “starving yourself for yet another loser” and destroying her own well-being.
- Intellectual Elitism: Dismisses entire academic departments, noting she had to “shut the drapes” to avoid the analytic philosophy department.
- Somatization: Refuses to acknowledge emotional distress directly, hoping “pain in my chest is medical” rather than psychological.
Your Simpsons character
Lisa Simpson
Abby embodies the intellectual melancholy and hyper-educated isolation characteristic of Lisa, often feeling alienated by her own "file boxes" and niche academic interests. She displays a sharp, self-aware wit regarding high-level theory, “politely” correcting professors on Agamben and political ontology much like Lisa’s constant need to challenge authority. Her tweets reflect a deeply felt, often overwhelming empathy and an “impatient hope” that borders on the existential despair Lisa frequently experiences. Despite her cynicism toward the world, she remains “inexhaustibly breakable” and seeks beauty in the arts, literature, and “Neil Young songs,” mirroring the quintessential gifted-child-grown-up archetype.
Your MBTI personality Type
INFP
Abby exhibits strong Introversion through her focus on internal processing and solitary reflection, noting “Another mile of silence” and the “benefits of not being heard.” Her Intuitive nature is evident in her deep engagement with abstract philosophy and literature, from questioning “political ontology” to referencing Agamben and Hegel. She operates primarily through Feeling, expressed via a poetic, melancholic emotionality where she views herself as “inexhaustibly breakable” and offers others her “stupid impatient hope.” Finally, her Perceiving trait shows in a spontaneous, non-linear lifestyle, shifting from “playing the same four Neil Young songs” to the whimsical desire to “create a little website.”
Some pickup lines for you
- I promise to always remind you to pray for tech CEOs so you don’t have to carry the weight of the industry on your shoulders alone.
- I’m no NYU professor, but I’d love for you to explain 'political ontology' to me over a 5€ bottle of pinot noir and some Neil Young.
- Are you a Melville character? Because I would certainly 'prefer not to' spend tonight without you.
- I heard the analytic philosophy department is firing, so why don't we shut the drapes and start our own private Foucault reading group?
- You said you’re looking for a smirk just like yours—I’ve been practicing my crazy smile, so do you think I could be 'the one' (or at least take spot #10 behind Mourinho)?
Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
Continental philosophy enthusiast and recovering Catholic. Once corrected an NYU prof on Agamben; now I mostly cook with Neil Young and wait for the weather to break.– @ha1oabby
Your signature cocktail
The Political Ontology of a Smirk
This drink captures the essence of a girl who is “inexhaustibly breakable, which really makes me… 🌌unbreakable🌌”. It combines the high-brow pretension of “trying to help this guy out” with the low-brow reality of a “5€ bottle of pinot noir” sipped while cooking to Neil Young. The Absinthe nods to her preference for “delusional thinking” over being a photographer, while the holy water acknowledges the “Catholic, anxious” child who thought she killed Steve Jobs. It is a “casually devastating” cocktail designed for anyone currently “back out my coma”.
Your Hogwarts House
Ravenclaw
Abby’s digital presence is defined by a distinct intellectual wit and a deep immersion in academic and literary theory. She demonstrates a quintessential Ravenclaw love for learning and analytical thinking, evidenced by her “Foucault reading group” and her willingness to challenge academic authority when she “politely asked a question... to indicate to him the severity of the problem in his book” regarding a professor's misunderstanding of Agamben. Her creativity and quirkiness shine through her #FunLiteratureFacts, such as the claim that “Melville actually based Bartleby on Bart Simpson,” showcasing a mind that constantly connects disparate ideas. Even her self-reflection is filtered through a philosophical lens, whether she is threatening to “kill hegel again” or identifying with the “forgetful one” in Klee's art. This constant engagement with obscure references and theoretical frameworks marks her as a true seeker of wisdom and individual expression.
Your movie
Your song
Liability - Lorde
Abby’s digital persona is defined by a blend of academic intellectualism and a self-deprecating, almost theatrical sense of being 'too much' for others. This mirrors the themes of Liability, particularly when she jokes that “the boys my age are ready for a girl with file boxes” or describes herself as “inexhaustibly breakable”. Her tweets oscillate between grandiosity—“I wish that god made a couple more of me”—and the crushing weight of isolation, admitting she has “destroyed and starved” herself for people who don't understand her. Ultimately, her mix of high-theory references and raw emotional vulnerability perfectly captures the song's essence of a lonely, brilliant girl who feels like a fleeting obsession to others.
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