Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
- Academic Focus: Hayden prioritizes their education, announcing a hiatus to focus on their new semester and studying philosophy.
- Observational Skills: They notice intricate design details, such as the crescent moon and shooting stars in character eye patterns.
- Self-Awareness: They candidly acknowledge that their own tweets read like a file about a mental hospital patient.
- Passionate Fan: They demonstrate deep engagement with game lore, analyzing trailers for foreshadowing and character connections.
- Humorous Delivery: They use self-deprecating wit, such as the "Mr 003" joke regarding their bank account and social status.
Weaknesses:
- Extreme Hyperfixation: Their obsession with the character Rerir reaches obsessive levels, including dreaming about him and constant "gooning."
- Poor Hygiene: They openly admitted to not showering since the previous year in late January.
- Chronic Procrastination: They post about being supposed to write a philosophy essay while being distracted by social media.
- Unfiltered Oversharing: They post highly inappropriate sexual fantasies, such as asking about breast milk taste or wanting to get a character pregnant.
- Escapism Reliance: They explicitly state that "escapism is my game" as a primary way of functioning.
Your Simpsons character
Milhouse Van Houten
Like Milhouse, Hayden is a desperate, socially awkward fanboy who exhibits an intense, borderline obsessive fixation on his interests to cope with his everyday life. He openly admits that “escapism is my game” and spends his time “gooning to rerir” or begging fictional characters for attention. His self-deprecating humor mirrors Milhouse’s ‘pathetic’ archetype, specifically when he describes his own feed as reading “like a file about a mental hospital patient.” Despite being a “part time college student,” he shares Milhouse's signature lack of coolness, jokingly celebrating that he hasn't “showered since last year!”
Your MBTI personality Type
ENFP
Hayden exhibits Extroversion through high-energy, unfiltered social engagement and a constant need to share internal reactions with an audience, even joking that “the only thing i be doing on here is be tall and goon to rerir”. Their Intuition is evident in their fascination with thematic patterns, symbols, and lore theories, such as analyzing “the vibes of a bedtime story” in character eyes or studying philosophy. The Feeling trait shows in their emotionally-driven posting style and hyperbolic expressions of affection, like calling characters “wife” and making decisions based on personal attachment rather than game meta. Finally, their Perceiving nature is highlighted by a chaotic, spontaneous schedule, admitting they are “supposed to be writing a philosophy essay rn” but instead choosing to indulge in escapism and last-minute impulses.
Some pickup lines for you
- Are you a philosophy textbook? Because I keep reading every line in your voice and suddenly I’m losing my mind over the logic of it.
- I promise I’m a better pull than a 4th Skyward Spine—how about we skip the Gacha and just call us a 100% guaranteed pity?
- Forget the Archon quest spoilers, the only 'wife' I'm worried about alluring today is the one who thinks Young Sheldon is mid.
- If you’re looking for a full-time gooner position, I’ve got an opening, but fair warning: I don’t have chest jiggle physics... yet.
- I’m no Rerir, but I’d happily let you skip your philosophy essay if it means we can spend the night debating if a pussy purrs or a dick growls.
Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
Philosophy student and dedicated Hoyoverse enthusiast. Exploring the intersection of ethics and gacha games, one archon quest at a time. Passionate about character design and story leaks.– @hayEDENist
Your signature cocktail
The Philosophy of Gooning
This experimental concoction reflects Hayden’s lifestyle as a “part time college student full time rerir gooner”. The Absinthe captures the chaotic 'natural musk' and delirium of someone who admits “it’s getting bad bro”, while the stout mimics the 'milk' they're constantly dehydrated for. It’s served over a single ice sphere to honor their casual gaming habits, “watching everybody rage abt Stygian” while they cruise through for the primogems. Finally, the silver glitter represents the “crescent moon and shooting stars” of their favorite character designs, making for a drink that, like their timeline, reads “like a file about a mental hospital patient.”
Your Hogwarts House
Slytherin
Hayden exemplifies Slytherin traits through an unapologetic focus on personal desires and a resourceful, albeit chaotic, approach to community engagement. They prioritize self-gratification and individual obsession, frequently posting tweets like “what if instead of beating rerir as a boss we fuck him so hard he can’t move #thoughts?” and “part time college student full time rerir gooner”. Their resourcefulness is evident in how they navigate the “leaks” community to stay ahead, noted in tweets such as “is that roster of 4.0 hsr characters fake or did it actually accidentally get leaked😭😭😭”. Furthermore, their self-preservation and ambition are channeled through a cynical wit, perfectly captured by their bio, “young sheldon if he was good,” and the admission “hayden’s my name and escapism is my game”. This combination of ambition for their own niche interests and a shrewd, boundary-pushing sense of humor aligns them firmly with the house of ambition.
Your movie
Your song
Bad Romance - Lady Gaga
Hayden’s timeline is a chaotic fusion of obsession and humor, defined by an intense, almost frantic devotion to the character Rerir that perfectly mirrors a 'bad romance.' They frequently post unhinged fantasies about this character, even “fantasizing about Rerir coming home drunk and beating me until I feel numb”, which reflects the song's darker themes of obsessive, toxic attraction. Between being a “full time rerir gooner” and joking that their tweets “read like a file about a mental hospital patient”, the song’s high-energy 'psycho' aesthetic matches their digital persona. Ultimately, their desire to “fuck him so hard he can’t move” encapsulates the 'want your revenge' and 'want your disease' spirit of the track.
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