
Strengths and Weaknesses

Your Simpsons character
Like Milhouse, Hayden is a desperate, socially awkward fanboy who exhibits an intense, borderline obsessive fixation on his interests to cope with his everyday life. He openly admits that “escapism is my game” and spends his time “gooning to rerir” or begging fictional characters for attention. His self-deprecating humor mirrors Milhouse’s ‘pathetic’ archetype, specifically when he describes his own feed as reading “like a file about a mental hospital patient.” Despite being a “part time college student,” he shares Milhouse's signature lack of coolness, jokingly celebrating that he hasn't “showered since last year!”

Your MBTI personality Type
Hayden exhibits Extroversion through high-energy, unfiltered social engagement and a constant need to share internal reactions with an audience, even joking that “the only thing i be doing on here is be tall and goon to rerir”. Their Intuition is evident in their fascination with thematic patterns, symbols, and lore theories, such as analyzing “the vibes of a bedtime story” in character eyes or studying philosophy. The Feeling trait shows in their emotionally-driven posting style and hyperbolic expressions of affection, like calling characters “wife” and making decisions based on personal attachment rather than game meta. Finally, their Perceiving nature is highlighted by a chaotic, spontaneous schedule, admitting they are “supposed to be writing a philosophy essay rn” but instead choosing to indulge in escapism and last-minute impulses.

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Your new Twitter bio
Philosophy student and dedicated Hoyoverse enthusiast. Exploring the intersection of ethics and gacha games, one archon quest at a time. Passionate about character design and story leaks.– @hayEDENist

Your signature cocktail
This experimental concoction reflects Hayden’s lifestyle as a “part time college student full time rerir gooner”. The Absinthe captures the chaotic 'natural musk' and delirium of someone who admits “it’s getting bad bro”, while the stout mimics the 'milk' they're constantly dehydrated for. It’s served over a single ice sphere to honor their casual gaming habits, “watching everybody rage abt Stygian” while they cruise through for the primogems. Finally, the silver glitter represents the “crescent moon and shooting stars” of their favorite character designs, making for a drink that, like their timeline, reads “like a file about a mental hospital patient.”

Your Hogwarts House
Hayden exemplifies Slytherin traits through an unapologetic focus on personal desires and a resourceful, albeit chaotic, approach to community engagement. They prioritize self-gratification and individual obsession, frequently posting tweets like “what if instead of beating rerir as a boss we fuck him so hard he can’t move #thoughts?” and “part time college student full time rerir gooner”. Their resourcefulness is evident in how they navigate the “leaks” community to stay ahead, noted in tweets such as “is that roster of 4.0 hsr characters fake or did it actually accidentally get leaked😭😭😭”. Furthermore, their self-preservation and ambition are channeled through a cynical wit, perfectly captured by their bio, “young sheldon if he was good,” and the admission “hayden’s my name and escapism is my game”. This combination of ambition for their own niche interests and a shrewd, boundary-pushing sense of humor aligns them firmly with the house of ambition.

Your movie

Your song
Hayden’s timeline is a chaotic fusion of obsession and humor, defined by an intense, almost frantic devotion to the character Rerir that perfectly mirrors a 'bad romance.' They frequently post unhinged fantasies about this character, even “fantasizing about Rerir coming home drunk and beating me until I feel numb”, which reflects the song's darker themes of obsessive, toxic attraction. Between being a “full time rerir gooner” and joking that their tweets “read like a file about a mental hospital patient”, the song’s high-energy 'psycho' aesthetic matches their digital persona. Ultimately, their desire to “fuck him so hard he can’t move” encapsulates the 'want your revenge' and 'want your disease' spirit of the track.

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hayEDENist
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