Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
- Humorous: Uses self-deprecating and situational jokes, like blaming nicotine in “tenho uma teoria da conspiração que sou viciado em nicotina” and mocking his own life script in “nunca que um roteirista conseguiria escrever essa bosta de roteiro da minha vida”.
- Emotionally-aware: Reflects on feelings and loneliness, e.g. “legal que ninguém fala da solidao do motorista do role indo embora pra casa sozinho” and “parece q todo mundo nessa cidade eh tao superficial”.
- Affectionate: Shows care for people and pets, like “eu amo todos voces”, wanting a deep relationship in “queria viver um relacionamento que nem os crentes vivem”, and dreaming of fatherhood in “meu sonho ser pai de menina tocar future days do pearl jam pra ela”.
- Playful: Treats life as a game with in-jokes, like turning driving into a ‘quick time event’ in “tu ta dirigindo de boa ai do nada um quick time event valendo a tua vida” and joking about Minecraft mining instead of going out in “amor n vou poder sair hoje to minerando no minecraft :(”.
- Loyal: Expresses strong group and friend loyalty, as in “no fim do dia eh eu e a sofia alice contra vcs” and celebrating shared experiences with friends in “eu e a mari cantando mcr no primeiro karaoke da bio e 3 anos dps vamo ver ao vivo”.
Weaknesses:
- Self-destructive: Normalizes heavy drinking and smoking, e.g. “só eu q nao como nada na sexta pra economizar na bebida”, “hoje eh dia de beber 27 breja e 3 shot”, and “so fumo cigarro quando to estressado”.
- Pessimistic: Talks about life with a gloomy lens, like “meu problema é espiritual mesmo”, “nunca que um roteirista conseguiria escrever essa bosta de roteiro da minha vida”, and repeating “1 conheceu uma mulher 2 ficou feliz 3 ficou triste”.
- Volatile: Switches quickly from affection to hostility, as seen in “eu amo todos voces” contrasted with “eu odeio todos vocês” and explosive outbursts like “VAI TOMAR NO CU PORRA”.
- Cynical: Shows distrust toward people and the city, e.g. “eh bizarro o quanto essa cidade eh nojenta pprt”, “parece q todo mundo nessa cidade eh tao superficial”, and “eu n fodo com nenhum de vcs #fui”.
- Avoidant: Prefers escape over confronting problems, like wanting to flee town in “que vontade de fugir dessa cidade pegar meu carro e sair por ai sem rumo” and joking about this being his ‘ultimo dia nesse plano da materia’ in “hj eh meu ultimo dia nesse plano da materia #flw”.
Your Simpsons character
Homer Simpson
This user most closely matches Homer Simpson: chaotic, emotional, impulsive, but ultimately self-aware and oddly affectionate. Like Homer, they bounce between nihilism and optimism, going from “eu odeio todos vocês” to “eu amo todos voces” and motivational posts like “bom dia gente vamos amar vamos viver vamos ser felizes”. Their love of beer and nightlife fits Homer’s vibe too, with tweets like “hoje eh dia de beber 27 breja e 3 shot” and jokes about not eating to drink more: “só eu q nao como nada na sexta pra economizar na bebida”. At the same time, there’s a soft, family-oriented side in dreams of being a dad, like “meu sonho ser pai de menina tocar future days do pearl jam pra ela”, which mirrors Homer’s clumsy but real tenderness toward his kids. The mixture of bad luck, self-deprecating humor, and always somehow pushing forward, seen in posts like “ta pra nascer alguem mais azarado q eu nessa vida” and “2027 vai ser meu ano”, is extremely Homer-coded.
Your MBTI personality Type
ENFP
They lean Extraverted: they constantly reference going out, drinking, and group chats, e.g. joking about ending a group conversation in “ne nao tropa kkkk krl acabei com a conversa do grupo” and talking about nights out like “hoje eh dia de beber 27 breja e 3 shot”, which suggests high social engagement and external stimulation. Their humor and worldview show Intuition over Sensing: they default to metaphors and big-picture takes rather than details, such as “nunca que um roteirista conseguiria escrever essa bosta de roteiro da minha vida eh simplesmente impressionante” and the existential, almost cinematic tone of “que vontade de fugir dessa cidade pegar meu carro e sair por ai sem rumo”. They appear more Feeling than Thinking, expressing emotional highs and lows, affection, and resentment toward superficiality, e.g. “eu amo todos voces”, “parece q todo mundo nessa cidade eh tao superficial”, and the romantic wish in “meu sonho ser pai de menina tocar future days do pearl jam pra ela”. Finally, they are strongly Perceiving: their timeline is full of spontaneity, chaos, and last‑minute living—skipping structure in favor of vibes, like “só vou tomar banho dnv ano q vem”, losing a concert ticket because they slept in “dormi perdi ingresso pro mac demarco”, and impulsive driving metaphors in “tu ta dirigindo de boa ai do nada um quick time event valendo a tua vida”. The mix of energetic social presence, emotional expressiveness, romantic idealism, and unstructured, improvisational lifestyle aligns best with ENFP.
Some pickup lines for you
- You said 2027 is going to be your year — how about we start the training arc now with a coffee, so future us can say ‘it all began in 2026’?
- You only smoke when you’re stressed and dream of driving away from that ‘nojenta’ city with no destination… so what if the plan is: you, me, Green Day in the car, and we keep driving until life feels like that prospera, casado-e-vou-ser-pai dream you had.
- Your tarot came out ‘desespero e morte’, Bolsonaro ouve tornozeleira, tua chave do carro fala depois de dois copão… clearly the universo tá todo errado. Deixa eu equilibrar isso sendo a coisa boa que começou estranhamente no seu Twitter.
- You missed Mac DeMarco because you fell asleep and still think you’re the unluckiest guy alive — plot twist: your real stroke of luck is meeting alguém que sabe cantar MCR in karaoke and will actually wake you up when the tickets drop.
- You want the ‘relationship dos crentes’ sem ser crente, quer tocar Future Days pra filha, reclama da solidão do motorista voltando pra casa… I don’t have a church to te levar, but I do have playlists better than ‘SEX0 – The Weeknd/Lana/AM’ and a heart very down to be devoto só de você.
Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
Driver of the late‑night crew, Green Day in the speakers, nicotine in the system. Once missed Mac DeMarco tickets because I fell asleep.– @hematophagia
Your signature cocktail
Twenty One Beers & Existential Tears
This cocktail runs on cachaça infused with coffee because they’re permanently exhausted and spiritually dubious, just like when they said “meu problema é espiritual mesmo” and still kept going. An IPA beer reduction syrup nods to their commitment to drinking absurd amounts, as seen in “hoje eh dia de beber 27 breja e 3 shot” and “twenty one guns twenty one beers twenty one cigarettes twenty one years”. Lime juice cuts through the bitterness, like those rare hopeful flashes in “po cheguei a conclusão que eu sou feliz” and “galera vamos fazer o bem ter empatia vamos ser felizes”. The smoked salt rim represents the constant chaos, traffic, and nicotine-soaked stress of their life in Floripa, from “tenho uma teoria da conspiração que sou viciado em nicotina” to “matchmaking tava bom nessa madrugada na via expressa sul”. Finally, a little splash of energy drink captures their chaotic-gamer-student vibe from “professor nao acaba a aula ainda to no meio da partida de tft”, making it a strong, slightly bitter, but weirdly uplifting mess—just like them.
Your Hogwarts House
Gryffindor
This user shows a very Gryffindor mix of impulsiveness, recklessness, and leaning into chaotic bravery. Their attitude toward danger and driving, like saying “preferencia no transito é de quem tem coragem 😉” and describing traffic as “matchmaking tava bom nessa madrugada na via expressa sul”, reflects the classic Gryffindor tendency to treat risk as a challenge rather than something to avoid. They also embrace emotional intensity and drama in a very head‑first way, e.g. “nunca que um roteirista conseguiria escrever essa bosta de roteiro da minha vida eh simplesmente impressionante” and the all‑caps outburst “VAI TOMAR NO CU PORRA”. At the same time, they position themselves as someone who stands up loudly for what they feel, whether it’s affection — “eu amo todos voces” — or contempt — “eu odeio todos vocês”. While there is wit and some self‑deprecation, their defining traits are boldness, emotional extremity, and a willingness to throw themselves into situations, which aligns more with Gryffindor than the more calculated energy of Slytherin or the calmer loyalty of Hufflepuff.
Your movie
Your song
Jesus of Suburbia - Green Day
A song that fits them well is Jesus of Suburbia by Green Day, because it combines angst, sarcasm, and a strangely hopeful core—very similar to their timeline. They clearly love this era of music, as shown when their Uber playing Green Day was the “maior elogio da minha vida,” and their own line “twenty one guns twenty one beers twenty one cigarettes twenty one years” directly riffs on Green Day lyrics. Like the song’s protagonist, they mix burnout and chaos with dark humor and romantic frustration, from “nunca que um roteirista conseguiria escrever essa bosta de roteiro da minha vida” to the repeated arc of “1 conheceu uma mulher 2 ficou feliz 3 ficou triste.” Their posts about wanting to escape—“que vontade de fugir dessa cidade pegar meu carro e sair por ai sem rumo” and feeling the city is “tão superficial”—echo the song’s themes of disillusionment with hometown life. At the same time, they still show affection for friends and small joys—“eu amo todos voces” and hopeful lines like “2027 vai ser meu ano”—mirroring the track’s undercurrent of wanting something better beneath all the cynicism.
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