Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
- Civically Engaged: Jake actively participates in local politics, from “canvassing for @TheGreenParty” to attending “surgery” to report local pollution issues.
- Global Awareness: His bio and tweets display a strong interest in international affairs, featuring flags for “🇵🇸🇺🇦🇦🇲🇨🇩” and commentary on “Zelensky” and European rail infrastructure.
- Passionate Advocate: He speaks out strongly for youth rights, arguing that “you should be allowed to run from when you're allowed to vote”.
- Strong Aesthetic: He is very in tune with internet subcultures and pop music, frequently using terms like “mogging” and reviewing albums like NATHTM.
- Community Rooted: He shows deep pride in his home city of Birmingham, celebrating a “Total Brum victory” and promoting “Brum 💚”.
Weaknesses:
- Aggressive Communication: He frequently employs hostile language when disagreeing, such as telling followers to “GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY SAUSAGE ROLLS!!!”.
- Harsh Generalizations: He makes extreme and inflammatory claims about entire groups, stating that “France is a nation of pedophiles and racists”.
- Underage Alcohol Use: Despite being 16, he mentions getting “drunk after college” and frequenting “wetherspoons”.
- Abrasive Humor: Jake uses shock-value humor that can be off-putting, including telling people to “have a terrible day” and calling others “Little Hitlerites”.
- Substance Normalization: He flippantly calls to “Legalise LSD, weed and fun” and jokes about an “Insane blunt rotation”.
Your Simpsons character
Lisa Simpson
Jake mirrors Lisa's passionate activism and intellectual drive, specifically her commitment to environmentalism and socialist politics as seen in his post about “Great day canvassing for @TheGreenParty”. Like Lisa, he is a dedicated student of sociology who isn't afraid to challenge authority, arguing that “You should be allowed to run from when you're allowed to vote”. He possesses her signature blend of high-brow interests and youthful angst, often sharing his niche musical tastes like being a “Mitski + ABBA enjoyer” or engaging in local civic issues such as telling his MP “about pollution amd the rubbish by yardley wood bus garage”. Ultimately, both represent the 'socially conscious teen' archetype who uses their voice to advocate for a more equitable world.
Your MBTI personality Type
ENFP
Jake exhibits Extroversion (E) through his active social life and constant engagement with public discourse, often posting about being out with friends or meeting politicians, such as when he “Met @AlistairCarns at his surgery”. He leans toward Intuition (N) by focusing on abstract political ideologies and systemic issues rather than just concrete facts, seen in his commentary that “the world you grew up in no longer exists”. His Feeling (F) trait is dominant in his value-driven activism and empathetic defense of marginalized groups, exemplified when he argues that “LGBTQ+ people just want normal lives and normal relationships”. Finally, his Perceiving (P) nature is shown through his spontaneous, meme-heavy posting style and admission of procrastinating on schoolwork, noting “what im doing instead of the sociology work”.
Some pickup lines for you
- Are you the 18 bus from Yardley Wood to Bartley Green? Because you’re exciting, unpredictable, and I’d wait at the stop all day just to see if you have chargers.
- Forget the Green Party manifesto—how about we draft a new law together? I’ll let you decide how to vote on it, as long as it involves a date at Wetherspoons.
- I promise I’m not a level 1 LARPER, but I’d definitely travel all the way to Polanskistan just to find an album as superb as you.
- Are you a Mitski song? Because even though you’re 'No Emotion' by Carly Rae Jepsen levels of blasphemy to some, you’re the only thing on my rotation tonight.
- I’d never call you 'untitled' or use all lowercase, because a specimen like you deserves a headline bigger than a total Brum victory.
Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
Birmingham-based Green Party campaigner & sociology student. Once told an MP about local rubbish while hiding horrific eye bags. Passionate about ABBA and urbanism.– @JakeArkwright
Your signature cocktail
The Yardley Wood Bus-Tism
This vibrant green concoction celebrates a 16-year-old socialist from Birmingham who isn't afraid to tell an MP about “pollution amd the rubbish by yardley wood bus garage.” The cider brings a “Total Brum victory” to the palate, while the bitter lemon reflects his disdain for “Little Hitlerites” and right-wingers. The drink is experimentally 'serving' aesthetic, much like his Twitter presence, and is best enjoyed while screaming “GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY SAUSAGE ROLLS!!!” It’s a chaotic, Mitski-fueled masterpiece that, like the 18 bus, leaves you wondering if it “will have chargers” or just a massive hangover.
Your Hogwarts House
Slytherin
Jake exhibits a strong Slytherin profile through his ambitious political leadership as a “UK ambassador to Floptropica” and his involvement with the Green Party. His tweets frequently feature the ‘cunning’ and status-focused internet subculture of ‘mogging,’ such as when he declares himself “caught mogging at the function” or simply posts “Mogging”. He displays a sharp, resourceful wit and a penchant for provocative social commentary, exemplified by his blunt dismissal of Matty Healy as a “glorified hobo”. This combination of political aspiration, self-assured ‘serving’ of looks, and a ruthless social media presence aligns perfectly with the house of ambition and resourcefulness.
Your movie
Your song
Super Trouper - ABBA
As a self-described “Mitski + ABBA enjoyer” and “Socialist 💚”, Jake’s digital presence mirrors the high-energy, camp, and social consciousness often associated with the Super Trouper era. The song’s theme of being under the spotlight while longing for genuine connection fits his active life as a student and “UK ambassador to Floptropica” who balances humor with serious activism like “canvassing for @TheGreenParty”. His flair for dramatic, internet-coded language—such as declaring he is “serving the dyke” or “mogging at the function”—complements the theatrical pop nature of the track. Ultimately, the song captures the essence of a teenager navigating the bright lights of social media politics while remaining grounded in his Birmingham roots and love for “Superb albums”.
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