
Strengths and Weaknesses

Your Simpsons character
They’re closest to Lisa Simpson: highly self-aware, smart, politically and socially opinionated, but also deeply anxious and struggling internally. Like Lisa, they care about social issues and exploitation, calling out grooming and child sexualisation in posts like “obviously grooming is already fucking insane but when they buy you things they know you could never afford” and “this is a money grab that attracts to PEDOPHILES.”. They show strong academic/thinky energy, debating literature and politics in tweets such as “I am SO mad we studied animal farm instead of 1984 in australia. that is fucking bullshit.” and “donald trump is not my president”. Under that intellect there’s heavy emotional pain and self-destructiveness, echoing Lisa’s depressive arcs but far darker, in posts like “I don’t want to die but i don’t want to be in pain forever. it’s one or the other for me” and “I genuinely cannot find enjoyment in my fucking life without drugs.”. Despite the drug use and gallows humor, their constant reflection on recovery and morality—“relapse is a part of recovery. one more time won’t hurt.”—fits a Lisa-like mix of cynicism, idealism, and overthinking rather than a more chaotic Bart or checked-out Homer.

Your MBTI personality Type
They lean Extraverted: they frequently talk about friends, nights out, and social chaos, like “finding people you can DRINK drink with and feel completely safe. I found my ppl” and “getting FUCKED up”, and openly process feelings online rather than keeping them private. Their style is strongly iNtuitive: they often move from specific events to big-picture takes or social commentary, such as “how can I be happy if sobriety and wellness are antonyms when they’re supposed to be hand in fucking hand” and reflections on media, exploitation, and politics like “real people cannot queerbait”. They clearly favor Feeling over Thinking, prioritizing emotional impact, relationships, and moral stances, evident in posts like “I don’t want to die but i don’t want to be in pain forever. it’s one or the other for me” and their outrage about grooming and exploitation in “obviously grooming is already fucking insane but when they buy you things they know you could never afford”. Finally, they seem Perceiving: their life is spontaneous, chaotic, and reactive—impulsive drug use and last‑minute choices like “uh oh I am have an exam in less than 3 hours and I just took 5 pills” and “I went on a bender from the 9th to the 13th… today I relapsed, worse than usual” show flexible, unstructured decision-making rather than planned, controlled behavior. Overall, an emotionally intense, socially engaged, value-driven, and impulsive style aligns best with ENFP.

Some pickup lines for you

Your 5 Emojis

Your new Twitter bio
Fast-food shift warrior, Billie Eilish disciple, and reluctant main character. Once slept 17 hours and called it an ‘ED lifehack.’ Opinions are my own.– @jayjcalss

Your signature cocktail
This cocktail hits hard and messy on purpose, echoing their chaotic energy from posts like “drug haul @stelcounts_c4ls” and “getting FUCKED up”. Overproof dark rum stands in for the heavy opioid/benzo vibe and the self-aware spiral in “I want to quit drugs but I don’t want to be sober”. Grapefruit juice is sharp, sour, and a little bright, like the flashes of humour and ranting about life and pop culture in “CAN WE ALL JUST ADMIT WE SHOULD BE MERGING AT THE END OF THE LANE??”. An absinthe rinse nods to their intrusive, almost romanticised darkness, from “forgive me if i jump” to “there comes a point in life where you calculate the amount of time you’d need between an OD and someone finding you”. A few drops of saline solution mirror the tears and raw honesty of “I don’t want to die but i don’t want to be in pain forever”. The charcoal-black sugar rim embodies their ED/body-image conflict and goth-glitter vibe from “ana is weird bc my hair is falling out and breaking and I’m proud of myself” and the way they still chase being “skinny” through vaping in “started vaping again, I WILL BE SKINNY”.

Your Hogwarts House
They show a pronounced Gryffindor-style bravery and recklessness, especially around self-destructive behavior and drugs. Tweets like “I just took 200mg of tapentadol and TRAMADOL (half ir half er) watch me actually have a seizure” and “uh oh I am have an exam in less than 3 hours and I just took 5 pills” reveal impulsive risk-taking that borders on daring for its own sake. They also confront painful topics and abusers head-on, as in “your a lowlife abusive prick and you wonder why i fucking hate your guts... and i hope you feel guilty when i die”, which shows a Gryffindor-like readiness to openly challenge someone who hurt them. Even in deep distress, they frame death and overdose in stark, unfiltered terms, such as “there comes a point in life where you calculate the amount of time you’d need between an OD and someone finding you to make sure you have little to no chance of survival”, reflecting a dramatic, heroic-tragic lens on their own suffering. While they have flashes of Hufflepuff loyalty and Ravenclaw thoughtfulness, the dominant traits are boldness, emotional intensity, and a tendency to charge headfirst into danger—very characteristic of Gryffindor.

Your movie

Your song
A song that fits them best is everything i wanted by Billie Eilish, because it captures that mix of suicidal ideation, exhaustion, and dark humor that runs through their timeline. They talk about death as an almost casual possibility, like when they say “like I’m not yearning for the sweet release of death but if she were to catch me it would be bc i’m not running” and “there comes a point in life where you calculate the amount of time you’d need between an OD and someone finding you to make sure you have little to no chance of survival”, which mirrors the song’s ‘I had a dream I got everything I wanted… nobody cried’ vibe. The constant struggle with addiction and self-destruction—“I want to quit drugs but I don’t want to be sober” and “I genuinely cannot find enjoyment in my fucking life without drugs.”—fits the song’s themes of feeling trapped inside your own head and coping in unhealthy ways. At the same time, there’s a thread of holding on for small glimmers of meaning and connection, like “only thing keeping me here is that i’m seeing billie eilish in march”, which echoes the song’s quiet insistence that someone or something is still worth staying alive for. The moodiness, introspection, and resignation in their tweets line up closely with the tone and lyrics of everything i wanted, making it a strong match for their online persona.

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jayjcalss
green: confident, yellow: guess, red: uncertain
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