Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
- Emotionally honest: Openly shares mental health and addiction struggles, like calculating OD timing in “there comes a point in life where you calculate the amount of time you’d need between an OD and someone finding you…”.
- Self-aware: Shows insight into their patterns, e.g. “I hate the way my brain is wired… I genuinely cannot find enjoyment in my fucking life without drugs.” and ““I’m not an addict” I say, w the shakes”.
- Protective empathy: Speaks strongly against exploitation and grooming, e.g. defending Lil Tay in “this is a money grab that attracts to PEDOPHILES.” and calling out grooming dynamics in “obviously grooming is already fucking insane but when they buy you things…”.
- Dark humor resilience: Uses humor to cope with pain, like “vaping bc i ain’t gon make it to adulthood but at least ill be skinny” and ““those drugs w kill you” my sobriety is trying harder fuck off lemme pop a tap”.
- Loyal friend: Values safe, trusting relationships, as in “finding people you can DRINK drink with and feel completely safe. I found my ppl” and immediately calling a friend in “I called her IMMEDIATELY”.
Weaknesses:
- Substance dependence: Repeated heavy opioid and benzo use, e.g. “I just took 200mg of tapentadol and TRAMADOL… watch me actually have a seizure” and “developing a physical dependency in less than 2 months is crazy work 💪”.
- Self-destructive coping: Uses drugs and self-harm to manage emotions, as in “I genuinely self destruct, I will take drugs… then watch beautiful boy by myself IN THE DARK ON DOWNERS” and “self harming after months of being clean (ish)… why does it feel good”.
- Eating-disorder fixation: Openly embraces harmful ED behaviors, e.g. “best ana”, “ana is weird bc my hair is falling out and breaking and I’m proud of myself”, and using vaping to stay skinny in “started vaping again, I WILL BE SKINNY”.
- Suicidal ideation: Frequent references to death as an option, like “there comes a point in life where you calculate the amount of time you’d need between an OD and someone finding you…”, “forgive me if i jump”, and “only thing keeping me here is that i’m seeing billie eilish in march”.
- Anger rumination: Holds intense, consuming anger toward others, e.g. “your a lowlife abusive prick and you wonder why i fucking hate your guts… i hope that fucking liver failure is SO fucking painful.” and “my uncle wasn’t an abusive prick when I was 14 he was just looking for wilbur soot when he was punching holes in my FUCKING WALLS”.
Your Simpsons character
Lisa Simpson
They’re closest to Lisa Simpson: highly self-aware, smart, politically and socially opinionated, but also deeply anxious and struggling internally. Like Lisa, they care about social issues and exploitation, calling out grooming and child sexualisation in posts like “obviously grooming is already fucking insane but when they buy you things they know you could never afford” and “this is a money grab that attracts to PEDOPHILES.”. They show strong academic/thinky energy, debating literature and politics in tweets such as “I am SO mad we studied animal farm instead of 1984 in australia. that is fucking bullshit.” and “donald trump is not my president”. Under that intellect there’s heavy emotional pain and self-destructiveness, echoing Lisa’s depressive arcs but far darker, in posts like “I don’t want to die but i don’t want to be in pain forever. it’s one or the other for me” and “I genuinely cannot find enjoyment in my fucking life without drugs.”. Despite the drug use and gallows humor, their constant reflection on recovery and morality—“relapse is a part of recovery. one more time won’t hurt.”—fits a Lisa-like mix of cynicism, idealism, and overthinking rather than a more chaotic Bart or checked-out Homer.
Your MBTI personality Type
ENFP
They lean Extraverted: they frequently talk about friends, nights out, and social chaos, like “finding people you can DRINK drink with and feel completely safe. I found my ppl” and “getting FUCKED up”, and openly process feelings online rather than keeping them private. Their style is strongly iNtuitive: they often move from specific events to big-picture takes or social commentary, such as “how can I be happy if sobriety and wellness are antonyms when they’re supposed to be hand in fucking hand” and reflections on media, exploitation, and politics like “real people cannot queerbait”. They clearly favor Feeling over Thinking, prioritizing emotional impact, relationships, and moral stances, evident in posts like “I don’t want to die but i don’t want to be in pain forever. it’s one or the other for me” and their outrage about grooming and exploitation in “obviously grooming is already fucking insane but when they buy you things they know you could never afford”. Finally, they seem Perceiving: their life is spontaneous, chaotic, and reactive—impulsive drug use and last‑minute choices like “uh oh I am have an exam in less than 3 hours and I just took 5 pills” and “I went on a bender from the 9th to the 13th… today I relapsed, worse than usual” show flexible, unstructured decision-making rather than planned, controlled behavior. Overall, an emotionally intense, socially engaged, value-driven, and impulsive style aligns best with ENFP.
Some pickup lines for you
- You said you only stay alive to see Billie in March — if you need another tour date to stick around for, I volunteer as your emotional support plus-one.
- You dropping 12 pills and still feeling sober is wild, but honestly? I’d be more addicted to the way you rant about 1984 and Harry Styles than to any opioid combo.
- You calculating the perfect OD-to-discovery time broke my heart a bit — can I counter with a new equation where the variable is how many texts it takes from me to make you feel even slightly safer?
- You said vaping makes your ED easier and fast food is the enemy, so how about this compromise: I take you on a date that’s smoke-free, safe, and nowhere near a fryer, and we just talk about We Live in Time and Yellowjackets instead.
- As a fellow ‘I just left your bedroom, give me some morphine’ enjoyer of dramatic lyrics, I’m convinced we could out-angst Beautiful Boy together… or, plot twist, actually have one sober(ish) night where the only high is how hard we’re laughing.
Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
Fast-food shift warrior, Billie Eilish disciple, and reluctant main character. Once slept 17 hours and called it an ‘ED lifehack.’ Opinions are my own.– @jayjcalss
Your signature cocktail
Beautiful Bender Boy
This cocktail hits hard and messy on purpose, echoing their chaotic energy from posts like “drug haul @stelcounts_c4ls” and “getting FUCKED up”. Overproof dark rum stands in for the heavy opioid/benzo vibe and the self-aware spiral in “I want to quit drugs but I don’t want to be sober”. Grapefruit juice is sharp, sour, and a little bright, like the flashes of humour and ranting about life and pop culture in “CAN WE ALL JUST ADMIT WE SHOULD BE MERGING AT THE END OF THE LANE??”. An absinthe rinse nods to their intrusive, almost romanticised darkness, from “forgive me if i jump” to “there comes a point in life where you calculate the amount of time you’d need between an OD and someone finding you”. A few drops of saline solution mirror the tears and raw honesty of “I don’t want to die but i don’t want to be in pain forever”. The charcoal-black sugar rim embodies their ED/body-image conflict and goth-glitter vibe from “ana is weird bc my hair is falling out and breaking and I’m proud of myself” and the way they still chase being “skinny” through vaping in “started vaping again, I WILL BE SKINNY”.
Your Hogwarts House
Gryffindor
They show a pronounced Gryffindor-style bravery and recklessness, especially around self-destructive behavior and drugs. Tweets like “I just took 200mg of tapentadol and TRAMADOL (half ir half er) watch me actually have a seizure” and “uh oh I am have an exam in less than 3 hours and I just took 5 pills” reveal impulsive risk-taking that borders on daring for its own sake. They also confront painful topics and abusers head-on, as in “your a lowlife abusive prick and you wonder why i fucking hate your guts... and i hope you feel guilty when i die”, which shows a Gryffindor-like readiness to openly challenge someone who hurt them. Even in deep distress, they frame death and overdose in stark, unfiltered terms, such as “there comes a point in life where you calculate the amount of time you’d need between an OD and someone finding you to make sure you have little to no chance of survival”, reflecting a dramatic, heroic-tragic lens on their own suffering. While they have flashes of Hufflepuff loyalty and Ravenclaw thoughtfulness, the dominant traits are boldness, emotional intensity, and a tendency to charge headfirst into danger—very characteristic of Gryffindor.
Your movie
Your song
everything i wanted - Billie Eilish
A song that fits them best is everything i wanted by Billie Eilish, because it captures that mix of suicidal ideation, exhaustion, and dark humor that runs through their timeline. They talk about death as an almost casual possibility, like when they say “like I’m not yearning for the sweet release of death but if she were to catch me it would be bc i’m not running” and “there comes a point in life where you calculate the amount of time you’d need between an OD and someone finding you to make sure you have little to no chance of survival”, which mirrors the song’s ‘I had a dream I got everything I wanted… nobody cried’ vibe. The constant struggle with addiction and self-destruction—“I want to quit drugs but I don’t want to be sober” and “I genuinely cannot find enjoyment in my fucking life without drugs.”—fits the song’s themes of feeling trapped inside your own head and coping in unhealthy ways. At the same time, there’s a thread of holding on for small glimmers of meaning and connection, like “only thing keeping me here is that i’m seeing billie eilish in march”, which echoes the song’s quiet insistence that someone or something is still worth staying alive for. The moodiness, introspection, and resignation in their tweets line up closely with the tone and lyrics of everything i wanted, making it a strong match for their online persona.
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