Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
- Emotionally honest: Openly shares joy, grief, and anxiety, like intense excitement and fear about the My Chemical Romance show in “Eu tô com caganeira emocional esperando o show que é só no dia 5, mcr vocês me pagam” and deep sadness over her father in “Queria tanto abraçar meu pai agora, saudades 😞, queria tanto minha família de volta, eu meu pai e minha mãe”.
- Loyal fan: Shows long-term, passionate commitment to bands and media she loves, like repeatedly talking about My Chemical Romance tickets and shows in “PUTA QUE PARIU CARALHO BUCETÃO EU VOU VER O MY CHEMICAL FUCKING ROMANCE” and defending bands in the I Wanna Be tour in “Gente insuportável reclamando dos horários do I wanna be tour…”.
- Protective ethical: Defends boundaries and ethics, like calling out people sexualizing older band members in “Tô dando block em todas pessoas perturbadas que ficam s3xualizando os membros do my chemical romance…” and criticizing looks-based bullying of Gerard in “Ridículo uns fãs de MCR falando da aparência dos caras…”.
- Resilient fighter: Keeps pursuing goals despite mental health struggles, like moving toward nursing graduation in “Pra quem achou que ia morrer perto dos 30, tô bem próxima de pegar meu jaleco de enfermagem, as vezes, vale a pena tentar.” and maintaining exercise and diet in “Tô em dieta restrita de quase tudo, fazendo jejum intermitente, caminhando e fazendo exercício em casa todos os dias já faz 1 mês.”.
- Empathetic supportive: Shows concern for others’ safety and justice, like mourning a fan’s death and demanding accountability from event organizers in “Eu tô muito triste, sinto muito pela família e amigos do moço que se foi…” and “IWBT ainda não se pronunciou nem fez a mínima questão de se importar sobre o ocorrido.”.
Weaknesses:
- Harsh language: Often uses very aggressive or vulgar phrasing when angry, like “Eu vou rasgar o cu de tanto chorar” and attacking someone as “mina chata do caralho… por isso ninguém gosta dessa cara de buceta.”.
- Emotional volatility: Swings between euphoria and despair, such as extreme joy about shows in “CONSEGUI GENTE, EU CONSEGUI, EU VOU REALIZAR MEU SONHO 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭” and posts expressing being tired of living in “Infelizmente é só eu e minha cabeça lutando sozinha contra isso… As vezes não é nem sobre um desabafo, é sobre um adeus mesmo.”.
- Self-critical mindset: Talks about herself in very negative terms, like feeling like trash in “Me sentindo um lixo, acordei às 5 não dormi mais…” and doubting the point of treatment in “Que adianta gastar 200 reais em antidepressivo se a depressão não vai embora?”.
- Family conflict: Expresses intense frustration and distance from relatives, like nearly cutting off family over misinformation in “To por isso aqui 🤏🏻 de mandar toda minha família a merda, são uns burros desinformados…”, which suggests strained communication patterns.
- Overwhelmed coping: Frequently describes feeling exhausted and unable to manage mental health, like “Todo dia parece que tudo tá piorando novamente… Me sinto tão mal por não conseguir ser feliz nem ao menos tentando.” and needing multiple meds yet feeling they fail in “Deve ser muito bom ser feliz sem ter que tomar 3 remédios pra isso e ainda falhar.”.
Your Simpsons character
Lisa Simpson
They most closely match Lisa Simpson: emotionally intense, idealistic, and outspoken about what they think is right. Like Lisa, they’re highly passionate about their interests and music, from obsessing over My Chemical Romance (“PUTA QUE PARIU CARALHO BUCETÃO EU VOU VER O MY CHEMICAL FUCKING ROMANCE”) to getting deeply moved by shows and songs (“O my chemical romance me fazendo chorar dentro do mercado”). They’re openly critical of injustice and stupidity around them, e.g. calling out fake reformed extremists (“Que piada, a guria se dizia n4zi e agora vai em rolê gótico antifa…”) and defending bands and organizers in the scene (“Que culpa o nx tem de não abrir o show caralho…”). At the same time, they show vulnerability, depression, and existential fatigue (“Que adianta gastar 200 reais em antidepressivo se a depressão não vai embora?”; “Me sentindo um lixo… tem dias que só é difícil e eu não quero viver”), which fits Lisa’s frequent sense of sadness and isolation. Their pride in their studies and future career (“tô bem próxima de pegar meu jaleco de enfermagem, as vezes, vale a pena tentar.”) also mirrors Lisa’s driven, academically focused side.
Your MBTI personality Type
INFJ
They read as more introverted (I) than extroverted: despite being very expressive online, most tweets center on internal states, grief, anxiety, and close relationships rather than broad socializing, e.g. “Eu tô tão cansada de tudo, sem motivação que eu tenho só fingido que tô bem pra ninguém se preocupar.” and “Sim, eu tenho apego emocional na minha melhor amiga e se pudesse moraria com ela…”. Their focus is strongly intuitive (N): they frequently interpret events in terms of meaning, hope, and long‑term dreams, like fulfilling lifelong show dreams or career goals, e.g. “Caras, eu nunca achei na vida que eu ia no show do MCR… eu tô muito feliz, não sei por em palavras.” and “Pra quem achou que ia morrer perto dos 30… as vezes, vale a pena tentar.”. They are clearly feeling (F)‑oriented, weighing everything through emotions, relationships, and values: they get upset about disrespect to bands or ethics, e.g. “Ridículo uns fãs de MCR falando da aparência dos caras…” and write openly about depression and family pain, like “Queria tanto abraçar meu pai agora, saudades 😞, queria tanto minha família de volta…”. Finally, they seem more judging (J) than perceiving: they plan ahead for shows and future career (“futuramente, perita criminal”), manage strict diets and routines, and express frustration when things are disorganized or people are inconsistent, e.g. “Tô em dieta restrita… caminhando e fazendo exercício em casa todos os dias já faz 1 mês.” and “Me irrita horrores gente indecisa que se desdiz toda hora mds”. Combining introversion, meaning‑oriented intuition, emotionally driven judgments, and a preference for structure points most strongly to INFJ.
Some pickup lines for you
- So, if MCR has you with ‘caganeira emocional’ until February 5th, should I apply to be your emotional Lamotrigine and stabilize things a bit… preferably from the premium pit next to you?
- You walking into a Sephora is guaranteed migraine, but walking into an MCR show in São Paulo with a red tie and an emo espadinha on your arm? That’s the kind of sensory overload I’m willing to risk.
- You said you never thought you’d see MCR and now you’re going from RS to SP with a premium ticket and a heart full of emo… how about your next impossible dream is finding someone who loves The Used, Fresno, NX Zero and Angra as much as you do? Spoiler: I volunteer.
- You: ‘I’m on a strict diet, doing intermittent fasting, walking and exercising every day… should I allow myself one little chocolate today?’ Me: only if that chocolate comes with a side of someone cheering for your progress and holding your hand when the depression won’t budge.
- You’ve survived Neozine, Depakene, insomnia, floods in RS, missing Angra, and still scream in all caps about My Chemical Romance — I don’t wanna be dramatic, but anyone with that much resilience and that playlist is exactly the kind of person I’d marry in the middle of a show too.
Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
Nurse-to-be, future forensic expert & part-time emo. Once got a marriage proposal at a rock show and still cries over My Chemical Romance in supermarkets.– @jessiemustdie
Your signature cocktail
Caganeira Emocional Fizz
This cocktail is wired and anxious on purpose, just like their countdown to MCR, echoing the pure panic of “Eu tô com caganeira emocional esperando o show que é só no dia 5, mcr vocês me pagam”. Coffee-infused vodka brings the late‑night emo energy and exhaustion of someone who says “Que adianta gastar 200 reais em antidepressivo se a depressão não vai embora?” yet is still standing. Blackberry liqueur adds a dark, romantic sweetness for the person who can say “Eu não entendo como eu posso amar tanto uma pessoa na minha vida” and also get engaged at a show in “Fui pedida em casamento no show da @fresnorock hoje 😭😭😭”. Yerba mate soda keeps it Brazilian, restless, and slightly chaotic, matching the emo-from-RS-on-the-road-to-SP vibe of “eu acordo já indo ver se é verdade mesmo que eu tenho o ingresso. Eu não sei nem como vou sair do RS pra ir pra SP KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK mas o ingresso eu tenho.”. The lime’s sharpness cuts through the sweetness the way they cut through bullshit in rants like “Gente insuportável reclamando dos horários do I wanna be tour, ai vão a merda”. Finally, the black activated-charcoal rim is a little on-the-nose homage to the Emo Espadinha persona and post‑mortem aesthetic of “Amei minha foto de perfil, bem post mortem 😍”, turning all that darkness into something oddly beautiful and drinkable.
Your Hogwarts House
Gryffindor
Jess shows strong Gryffindor energy through emotional intensity, boldness, and a tendency to charge head‑first into what she believes in. She’s bluntly confrontational toward behavior she finds wrong, like calling out fans sexualizing band members in “Tô dando block em todas pessoas perturbadas que ficam s3xualizando os membros do my chemical romance, muito aberração isso.” and angrily defending bands and workers in the I Wanna Be Tour discourse in “Gente insuportável reclamando dos horários do I wanna be tour… por isso que não tem nada que preste no Brasil, quando tem vem esses cu de mosca encher o saco.”. Her tweets are full of dramatic, fearless language, like “PUTA QUE PARIU CARALHO BUCETÃO EU VOU VER O MY CHEMICAL FUCKING ROMANCE” and “Eu vou rasgar o cu de tanto chorar”, showing impulsive passion rather than quiet patience. Even in personal pain and mental health struggles, she frames her journey in terms of fighting and surviving, as in “Pra quem achou que ia morrer perto dos 30, tô bem próxima de pegar meu jaleco de enfermagem, as vezes, vale a pena tentar.”. Her desire to work as a thanatologist and future forensic expert, mentioned in her bio, also reflects a readiness to confront dark, difficult realities head‑on, which is quintessentially Gryffindor courage rather than the softer steadiness of Hufflepuff or the calculated ambition of Slytherin.
Your movie
Your song
Welcome to the Black Parade - My Chemical Romance
Everything about Jess revolves around My Chemical Romance, from the sheer excitement of finally seeing them live — “CONSEGUI GENTE, EU CONSEGUI, EU VOU REALIZAR MEU SONHO 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭” — to the anxious countdown to the show — “Eu tô com caganeira emocional esperando o show que é só no dia 5, mcr vocês me pagam”. Welcome to the Black Parade is an anthem about surviving pain, grief, and depression, themes that mirror her struggles with mental health and medication, like “Que adianta gastar 200 reais em antidepressivo se a depressão não vai embora?” and “Sempre a mesma coisa cruel na minha cabeça… a depressão ta me levando aos poucos”. The song’s narrative of losing a parent and still trying to move forward echoes her grief for her father and longing for her old family — “Queria tanto abraçar meu pai agora, saudades 😞, queria tanto minha família de volta, eu meu pai e minha mãe”. At the same time, she keeps chasing dreams and milestones, from going to emo festivals to almost getting her nursing coat — “Pra quem achou que ia morrer perto dos 30, tô bem próxima de pegar meu jaleco de enfermagem, as vezes, vale a pena tentar.”. That mix of darkness, resilience, and emotional catharsis is exactly what makes Welcome to the Black Parade the song that best fits her.
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