Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
- Passionate: Shows fervent support for Muldoon and NZ First, e.g., 'I see me stanning Muldoon has made Twitter more accepting of his visionary prophecy...'
- Visionary: Proposes bold systemic changes such as re‑nationalising the power supply and price regulation.
- Strategic: Plans political moves, like declaring intent to run on the NZ First list in 2026 and offering population‑swap deals.
- Community-focused: Discusses local issues like railway routes and provincial pride, e.g., 'I am looking into possible railway routes to restore the greatness of rail.'
- Organized: Regularly announces upcoming initiatives, e.g., 'I have a few announcements coming soon. Stay tuned.'
Weaknesses:
- Conspiratorial: Makes unverified claims about CIA coups in 1984 and 1974.
- Extremist: Calls for total migration bans and uses militaristic language, e.g., 'Ban ALL migration COMPLETELY. TAKE UP THE SWORDS AND SHIELDS...'
- Polarizing: Uses provocative slogans like 'Let me make one. A Mechahitler' and harsh insults toward opponents.
- Unsubstantiated: Makes sweeping statements about ethnic cleansing and enemy sabotage without evidence.
- Aggressive: Threatens opponents, e.g., 'I will take things to the point of no return to anyone who comes for me...'
Your Simpsons character
Mayor Quimby
Mayor Quimby is the Simpsons character that most closely resembles @JohnEaton2002. Both present themselves as outspoken political figures, constantly pushing policies and seeking office: the user says 'I am not running for Prime Minister, but I can confirm my interest in running on the New Zealand First list in 2026', echoing Quimby’s perpetual campaign promises. Their rhetoric is filled with conspiratorial accusations and anti‑establishment anger, for example 'the CIA couped us in 1984 and in 1974, so I suppose we all get it!', similar to Quimby’s shady deals and corruption. They also espouse strong nationalist, anti‑immigration and socially conservative views, as seen in 'Ban ALL migration COMPLETELY. TAKE UP THE SWORDS AND SHIELDS GENTLEMEN…', mirroring Quimby’s self‑serving, protectionist politics. Finally, both use grandiose language and promise dramatic reforms, like 'I have a few announcements coming soon.'
Your MBTI personality Type
ENTJ
The user’s frequent public posting and rallying language (‘I have a few announcements coming soon’, ‘I’m amazed the enemy hasn’t tried to come for me yet’) shows an extraverted, outward‑focused style. Their focus on future visions, big‑picture political reforms and abstract concepts such as digital independence and ‘visionary prophecy’ points to an intuitive (N) orientation. Decision‑making is dominated by logical analysis of policies and strategic goals (‘Exports are a good thing for an economy…’, ‘We must save the provinces. Let’s get on with it’) indicating a thinking (T) preference. Finally, the user consistently uses organized plans, deadlines and definitive statements (‘the summer holidays need to be STRICTLY enforced’, ‘We need a LEGAL GUARANTEE’) which reflects a judging (J) attitude.
Some pickup lines for you
- Are you a Muldoon-style price-regulation plan? Because you just nationalised my heart and set the rate to love at zero cost.
- You must be the Ministry of Public Works, because you've just built a bridge straight from my tweets to yours.
- I hear you want to make farming cool again - how about we sow some romance in the Marlborough vineyards and harvest a love that's 100% organic?
- If we were a Wellington Phoenix squad, I'd put you in the starting XI - you already have the winning strategy to score a goal in my heart.
- Your Emergency Alert System is always on: 'All stations, this is a love emergency - Kid Muldoon, please respond!'
Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
Kid Muldoon, provincial activist, NZ First hopeful. Cat fell asleep listening to Muldoon speeches. #NZPolitics– @JohnEaton2002
Your signature cocktail
Muldoon's Marlborough Manifesto
The Muldoon's Marlborough Manifesto blends a smoky New Zealand rye whisky with a splash of Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc, echoing Kid Muldoon’s reverence for Sir Robert Muldoon and his call to "Take advice from Muldoon and price regulate everything and freeze everything else." Manuka honey syrup adds a sweet, nostalgic note that mirrors his longing to "return EVERY SINGLE BUSINESS… in the Marlborough Province and the Hurunui District," while fresh lemon juice gives the drink a sharp bite like his blunt call to "Because Auckland has basically DESTROYED the provincial towns of this country. We unironically need to WALL OFF Auckland from the rest of the country." Two dashes of Angostura bitters lend a bitter edge that reflects his conspiratorial skepticism, as he once warned, "the CIA couped us in 1984 and in 1974, so I suppose we all get it!" Served over crushed ice, the cocktail is a ‘frozen’ nod to his desire to "freeze everything else," completing a drink that captures his fierce nationalism, provincial pride, and Muldoon‑style determination.
Your Hogwarts House
Slytherin
The user displays strong ambition and a desire for political power, for example they tweet: "I am not running for Prime Minister, but I can confirm my interest in running on the New Zealand First list in 2026… chances of this happening are around 95%". They also claim entitlement to high office, saying "I should be Finance Minister". Their strategic, manipulative rhetoric such as "Take advice from Muldoon and price regulate everything and freeze everything else" shows a drive to reshape policy for personal vision. They adopt a hard‑line, self‑preserving stance, evident in "Ban ALL migration COMPLETELY. TAKE UP THE SWORDS AND SHIELDS GENTLEMEN SINCE THE FORTRESS IS COMING BACK!". These traits align with Slytherin’s emphasis on ambition, resourcefulness, and the pursuit of power, making Slytherin the most fitting house.
Your movie
Your song
Uprising - Muse
The user’s tweets demonstrate a strong populist, nationalist, anti‑establishment mindset, e.g. "Take advice from Muldoon and price regulate everything and freeze everything else." They also express paranoia about elites and conspiracies, for example "The CIA couped us in 1984 and in 1974, so I suppose we all get it!" and "The enemy is out to destroy our movement." The song "Uprising" by Muse captures that rebellious call to rise against perceived oppression, with lyrics like "They will not keep us down" echoing the user’s "Don’t settle. Don’t negotiate." Its anthem‑like, rally‑ready chorus fits the user’s desire to rally supporters for New Zealand First and to "Make Farming Cool Again!" Therefore, "Uprising" best suits the user’s combative, conspiratorial, and nationalist persona.
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