
Strengths and Weaknesses

Your Simpsons character
Lisa fits best because she’s introspective, sensitive, and often feels out of place socially, much like this user yearning for connection but struggling with it, as in “When I want to have friends who like Ethel but can barely make friends in general” and “what if im just fundamentally sad then what”. The user is deeply attached to music and treats it as a lifeline, echoing Lisa’s intense emotional bond with her sax and favorite artists, shown in the bio “music…is the only drug allowed in Korea.” and posts like “I LOVE ETHEL CAIN BAD”. There’s a streak of dark, dramatic self-awareness and depressive thinking—“the urge to kill myself gets worse each day” and “i think we all (me) need to kill ourselves (myself)”—that maps onto Lisa’s more serious episodes where she feels overwhelmed by the world, just turned up several notches. At the same time, they show care for loved ones and some optimism in relationships, like “I 💓 MY BOYFRIEND” and “Friends coming over tomorrow life might actually be worth living”, similar to Lisa’s loyalty to her family and friends despite her despair. Overall, the combination of emotional intensity, intellectual/arts focus via music, social alienation, and flashes of hope make them a much more depressed, online-age version of Lisa Simpson.

Your MBTI personality Type
They lean Introvert: they often mention feeling misunderstood or isolated rather than energized by people, like in “when I want to have friends who like Ethel but can barely make friends in general” and the self-conscious “I forget people can see these sorry I’m unstable”, suggesting inward focus and social fatigue. Their focus on meaning, yearning, and symbolism over concrete facts points to Intuition; they spiral about identity and religion in “I need to religiously spiral again” and obsess over the emotional worlds of artists like Ethel Cain in “I AM THE FACE OF LOVES RAGE FUCKKKKKKKKK ETHEL CAIN GOD BLESS YOU”, rather than practical details. Strong emotional language and empathy suggest Feeling over Thinking: they react to conflict and criticism through hurt feelings and self-worth, as in “Cried at work because a coworker very loudly complained about me to the shift lead” and relationship distress in “whenever me and my boyfriend have minor disagreements/issues… it breaks my heart… and it makes me want to die”, showing values-driven, emotional processing rather than detached logic. Their life appears more reactive and mood-driven than structured, indicating Perceiving: they often mention feeling overwhelmed by work or school like “at work feeling extremely anxious and lightheaded we’re so back” and joke about disorganization with “prof gave me a 3/50 on an entry but commented i made a good connection”, showing less emphasis on planning and more on going with the flow. Overall, the combination of intense inner emotional life, romanticization of music and religion, social difficulty, and flexible but chaotic day-to-day management fits INFP better than other types.

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Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
Poli sci freshman, eternally over-caffeinated, once cried at work then went home to clean the whole house. Music-obsessed, trying to act like an adult.– @kvltism

Your signature cocktail
Smoky mezcal stands in for their Southern-gothic religious spiral and dramatic devotion to Ethel Cain, like when they declared “Televangelism will be the song I walk in to at my wedding” and “I AM THE FACE OF LOVES RAGE FUCKKKKKKKKK ETHEL CAIN GOD BLESS YOU”. Blood orange liqueur brings a sweet-but-brooding edge, matching lines like “so i think i actually need to die im genuinely sick to my stomach” and “what if im just fundamentally sad then what”. The cold brew is for their exhaustion, melatonin nights, and cleaning binges, echoing “just cleaned the entire house am exhausted” and “at work feeling extremely anxious and lightheaded we’re so back”. Salted honey syrup captures the mix of tenderness and bitterness in their love life, like “whenever me and my boyfriend have minor disagreements… it breaks my heart each time and i hate it and it makes me want to die” alongside “I 💓 MY BOYFRIEND” and “boyfriend gave me money to buy purse i love my husband”. A dash of orange bitters nods to their gallows humor and dramatic flair in tweets like “let’s alllllllllll fucking kill ourselves” and “Life hack account posted video with the actress having a red piece of string tied around her wrist like Okay I Know That”, making this cocktail strong, bittersweet, and a little unhinged in the best way.

Your Hogwarts House
Their defining traits are loyalty, emotional devotion, and a deep attachment to loved ones, which are classic Hufflepuff qualities. They constantly center their boyfriend/husband and close circle, from talking about moving in with him in “TELLING MY PARENTS IM MOVING IN WITH MY BOYFRIEND THIS WEEKEND SWEATS”, to affectionately posting “I 💓 MY BOYFRIEND” and “boyfriend gave me money to buy purse i love my husband”. Even when miserable, their hope spikes around connection, as in “Friends coming over tomorrow life might actually be worth living” and the way they cherish “sweetheart friends” in “I have my sweetheart friends from that era who I love most”. They show a willingness to work hard and take on responsibilities despite struggling—cleaning the whole house in “just cleaned the entire house am exhausted” and repeatedly posting about shifts, calling off only to "finish organize house" in “called off work to finish organize house”. Their self-deprecating instability (e.g. “I forget people can see these sorry I’m unstable”) doesn’t translate into coldness or cynicism toward others; instead, they yearn for connection and care deeply, which fits a sensitive, loyalty-driven Hufflepuff more than any other house.

Your movie

Your song
Their entire online presence orbits Ethel Cain, especially when they say “Televangelism will be the song I walk in to at my wedding”, which directly ties this track to their most intimate life fantasy. The mix of religious imagery and emotional collapse in Televangelism mirrors their own desire to "spiral" spiritually, as shown in “I need to religiously spiral again”. Its slow, mournful tone and themes of numbness and despair align with their recurring suicidal ideation, like “the urge to kill myself gets worse each day” and “passively suicidal”. At the same time, the song’s fragile tenderness fits their deep attachment to love and their boyfriend, seen in “i love my boyfriend so much i can’t wait to move in with him” and “boyfriend gave me money to buy purse i love my husband”. Because Televangelism holds explicit personal significance for them and encapsulates their religious anxiety, depressive romanticism, and devotion to Ethel Cain, it’s the song that best suits them.

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