Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
- Humorous: Uses sharp, self-aware jokes about work and life, like teasing coworkers and situations in “if you guys wanna commit a crime do it in my location because we are useless here :)”.
- Hardworking: Balances a full-time lab job, early meetings with Canada, and multiple interviews, as in “hate time zones because it's so early yet i need to be up for a meeting with someone in Canada” and “third interview for this fucking job in canada”.
- Assertive: Pushes back against unfair treatment, like winning disputes with payroll and a loan company in “won my dispute against payroll last week and won the dispute against my loan company just then :P pays to be annoying”.
- Affectionate: Shows care for friends and family, e.g., worrying about upsetting her mum in “I hope she doesnt notice my weightloss or she will be super mad and upset” and being happy her bestie liked a gift in “glad to hear she liked it ☺️”.
- CulturallyEngaged: Actively follows hockey, international politics/social issues, and languages (Japanese, Slovak identity), like cheering for Slovakia in “you 🫵 will cheer for slovakia during the olympics” and reacting to NHL pride initiatives in “never thought i'd see the nhl acknowledge hr at pride night”.
Weaknesses:
- DisorderedEating: Frequent fixation on lowest weight, restriction, and body size, such as “woke up this morning at the lowest I've ever weighed 🤭” and “god restricting with a full time job is exhausting”.
- SelfNeglect: Pushes through dizziness, exhaustion, and pain instead of resting, like “im so dizzy i have no idea why… I can barely stand up” and still running or working despite feeling unwell in “at the gym… everything hurts and my chest is so tight”.
- BluntedEmpathy: Describes not caring when someone calls threatening suicide in “someone just rang threatening to kill themselves and i just really dont care tbh”, suggesting emotional detachment or burnout.
- WorkBurnout: Frequently expresses dread and fatigue about work, e.g., “a three week break is cruel. how tf am i meant to work full time again” and joking about going to the roof when overwhelmed in “i am going up to the roof no one follow”.
- RiskyCoping: Uses alcohol, nicotine, and dark humor as stress outlets, like being ‘lil tipsy’ before work in “work tomorrow but idc honestly lil tipsy”, relying on cigarettes in “a drunk cigarette never hurt anyone”, and extreme jokes about harassment in “bringing a gun so next time I can kill myself in front of them”.
Your Simpsons character
Lisa Simpson
They’re closest to Lisa Simpson: smart, self-aware, politically/opinionated, and a little bit chronically online and anxious. Like Lisa, they juggle academic/career grind and ideals, from “just graduated what a slay” to wrestling with a demanding lab job and bureaucracy in “won my dispute against payroll last week and won the dispute against my loan company just then :P pays to be annoying”. Their feed mixes earnest emotional depth and dark humor, like reflecting on family in “I lost my dad as a teen and it didn't really affect me but I know the day I lose my mum i will never feel whole again”, which fits Lisa’s introspective, sometimes melancholy side. The social-justice-ish and moral takes, such as “reposted a tiktok saying if your bf is racist so are you and my friend with a racist bf liked it girl i was talking about you”, mirror Lisa’s tendency to call things out even if it’s awkward. And despite all the cynicism and self-destructive humor (like restrictive eating in “god restricting with a full time job is exhausting i feel like my brain is working so slow”), there’s a nerdy, passionate side—obsessing over hockey and work details—that feels very Lisa-coded when she’s fixated on her causes and interests.
Your MBTI personality Type
INTJ
They read as more introverted: most posts are about solo activities (gym, running, watching NHL alone, dieting, working in the lab) and online interactions rather than big social scenes, and even when with others they sound drained or detached, like being “dragged to a christmas party” and needing “anything to make the day go faster” at work (“got dragged to a christmas party send help”, “anything to make the day go faster ya know”). Their thinking is strongly intuitive: they latch onto patterns and implications (e.g. extrapolating someone’s politics from a TikTok like, or connecting habits and future outcomes) rather than just listing facts, as in “reposted a tiktok saying if your bf is racist so are you and my friend with a racist bf liked it girl i was talking about you” and their meta takes on fandom and workplace systems (“sharkstwt is crazy… you are also part of the problem”, “its the 9 5 system not me”). They skew Thinking over Feeling: their humor is cutting and analytical, often prioritizing blunt assessment over harmony, like dismissing a caller in crisis (“someone just rang threatening to kill themselves and i just really dont care tbh”) or mocking claims about calorie intake at work (“old fat lady at work saying she only eats 1200 cals a day 😭😭 im crying no you do not girly”). There’s clear Judging structure and goal‑orientation: they track weights and low‑weights obsessively with targets and timelines (“new lw 😜”, “if im stuck at my lw for one more day I'll throw hands”), plan anti‑inflammatory diets in detail (“bought a shit ton of fish… I'll report back about how the anti inflammatory diet makes me feel after a week”), and strategize about work and disputes (“pays to be annoying”). Combined with their long‑term career planning (multiple Canada job interviews, celebrating getting the consulate job) and systems‑oriented complaints about bureaucracy and lab processes, this mix of inward focus, pattern‑spotting, blunt logic, and structured goal‑chasing fits INTJ best.
Some pickup lines for you
- You got a Canada job, watch Habs and Sharks, and bully Australians for not knowing hockey… if you need a wife visa to complete the Canadaboo arc, I promise to cheer for Slovakia at the Olympics on our first date.
- You: ‘I’d OMAD bread if I could’ and carefully meal-prepping salmon, sweet potato and broccolini. Me: planning our anti‑inflammatory dinner date where the only thing bloated is my feelings for you.
- You kill wasps for your boss, handle unhinged lab calls, and still drag yourself to work dizzy and sleep‑deprived—genuinely, you seem absurdly strong. If no one’s told you you’re impressive today, let me be the annoying HR‑style email that won’t stop saying it.
- You share a birthday with Slaf, watch games on an air mattress, and live‑tweet every Habs meltdown—statistically speaking, what are the odds my type is ‘Australian 地雷系 hockey nerd who makes payroll and the NHL my Roman Empire’?
- You keep saying you’re an iPad baby at work, but if they’ve trusted you with full PPE, the vortex, and bug‑assassination duties, I feel like you’ve unlocked the ‘responsible lab baddie’ DLC—can I be your emotional support clipboard on your next shift?
Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
Forensics lab girl in Aus, Slovak roots, part-time NHL obsessive. Once told a caller ‘this is a forensics lab’ when he tried to report psychic injections.– @kyok0starves
Your signature cocktail
The Dizzy KanadaBoo Highball
This drink runs on low sleep and high chaos, just like them staying up at ungodly hours to spiral and watch hockey while saying “Im gonna start crying its not even funny its 2:30am here”. The shochu/vodka base keeps it clean and efficient, fitting their full‑time grind and forensics‑lab girlie life, hinted at in “god restricting with a full time job is exhausting”. Bright yuzu soda with lime is for the Aus–Japan mashup and exchange‑student humor of “Me to jpn exchange students: どこ住んでいますか? Them: ...にほん”. The dash of dry vermouth adds a slightly bitter, dizzy edge echoing “holy shit my head is spinning like crazy i actually feel drunk” and “found a place that sells zyns and they make me dizzy”. Smoked salmon jerky and sea salt nod to their anti‑inflammatory fish obsession in “bought a shit ton of fish and some asparagus, brocollini, and sweet potato 🥰” and their upcoming Canada era from “I GOT THE CANADA JOB 😝😝😝😝😝”. It’s light but deceptively strong, a little bitter, a little salty, and very online—perfect for a girl who will cheer for Slovakia, then go back to “regularly scheduled posting”.
Your Hogwarts House
Slytherin
Kyoko shows a consistent mix of ambition, calculated self‑interest, and sharp social insight that aligns most with Slytherin. She’s overtly goal‑driven about her body and weight, tracking loss and strategizing around it in tweets like “woke up this morning at the lowest I've ever weighed 🤭”, “i always lose the most weights over the weekend because i spend all of it asleep so im hyped to be back to my lw by monday :p”, and “new lw 😜”, which shows a driven, results‑oriented mindset even when it’s unhealthy. She’s also willing to use tactics and manipulation to get what she wants, joking in “what are the chances that if i start crying they'll let me scribe i am not above using tears to make grown men uncomfortable”, a very Slytherin blend of emotional intelligence and weaponized vulnerability. Her proud comment “won my dispute against payroll last week and won the dispute against my loan company just then :P pays to be annoying” shows resourcefulness and persistence in advocating for herself. Even her career moves reflect ambition and long‑term positioning, from grinding through multiple interviews and time zones for an overseas position in “third interview for this fucking job in canada im dying man i dont know how many more early wakeups i have in me” to the triumphant “I GOT THE CANADA JOB 😝😝😝😝😝”. While she has humor and some Gryffindor‑ish boldness, the dominant through‑line is strategic self‑advancement, resilience, and a certain sharp‑edged pragmatism—classic Slytherin traits.
Your movie
Your song
Bad Idea - Girl in Red
A well-suited song for Kyoko is Bad Idea by Girl in Red, because it captures a messy, self-aware, slightly chaotic young adult life with dark humor and vulnerability. She jokes about overworking and exhaustion while still going out and getting tipsy, like when she says she has “work tomorrow but idc honestly lil tipsy” “work tomorrow but idc honestly lil tipsy”. The song’s themes of self-destructive habits and ignoring what’s good for you match her posts about extreme restricting and chasing lower weights, such as “god restricting with a full time job is exhausting i feel like my brain is working so slow” “god restricting with a full time job is exhausting i feel like my brain is working so slow like everything is in slow motion” and celebrating “new lw 😜” “new lw 😜”. At the same time, she’s funny and socially sharp—cheering for Slovakia, obsessing over hockey, and calling herself a “canadaboo” “in the Canadian consulate and my whole feed is hockey call me a canadaboo”—which reflects the track’s energetic, slightly ironic tone. The combination of vulnerability, reckless choices, and wry commentary on her own life makes Bad Idea an apt soundtrack for her timeline.
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