
Strengths and Weaknesses

Your Simpsons character
They’re closest to Lisa Simpson: smart, self-aware, politically/opinionated, and a little bit chronically online and anxious. Like Lisa, they juggle academic/career grind and ideals, from “just graduated what a slay” to wrestling with a demanding lab job and bureaucracy in “won my dispute against payroll last week and won the dispute against my loan company just then :P pays to be annoying”. Their feed mixes earnest emotional depth and dark humor, like reflecting on family in “I lost my dad as a teen and it didn't really affect me but I know the day I lose my mum i will never feel whole again”, which fits Lisa’s introspective, sometimes melancholy side. The social-justice-ish and moral takes, such as “reposted a tiktok saying if your bf is racist so are you and my friend with a racist bf liked it girl i was talking about you”, mirror Lisa’s tendency to call things out even if it’s awkward. And despite all the cynicism and self-destructive humor (like restrictive eating in “god restricting with a full time job is exhausting i feel like my brain is working so slow”), there’s a nerdy, passionate side—obsessing over hockey and work details—that feels very Lisa-coded when she’s fixated on her causes and interests.

Your MBTI personality Type
They read as more introverted: most posts are about solo activities (gym, running, watching NHL alone, dieting, working in the lab) and online interactions rather than big social scenes, and even when with others they sound drained or detached, like being “dragged to a christmas party” and needing “anything to make the day go faster” at work (“got dragged to a christmas party send help”, “anything to make the day go faster ya know”). Their thinking is strongly intuitive: they latch onto patterns and implications (e.g. extrapolating someone’s politics from a TikTok like, or connecting habits and future outcomes) rather than just listing facts, as in “reposted a tiktok saying if your bf is racist so are you and my friend with a racist bf liked it girl i was talking about you” and their meta takes on fandom and workplace systems (“sharkstwt is crazy… you are also part of the problem”, “its the 9 5 system not me”). They skew Thinking over Feeling: their humor is cutting and analytical, often prioritizing blunt assessment over harmony, like dismissing a caller in crisis (“someone just rang threatening to kill themselves and i just really dont care tbh”) or mocking claims about calorie intake at work (“old fat lady at work saying she only eats 1200 cals a day 😭😭 im crying no you do not girly”). There’s clear Judging structure and goal‑orientation: they track weights and low‑weights obsessively with targets and timelines (“new lw 😜”, “if im stuck at my lw for one more day I'll throw hands”), plan anti‑inflammatory diets in detail (“bought a shit ton of fish… I'll report back about how the anti inflammatory diet makes me feel after a week”), and strategize about work and disputes (“pays to be annoying”). Combined with their long‑term career planning (multiple Canada job interviews, celebrating getting the consulate job) and systems‑oriented complaints about bureaucracy and lab processes, this mix of inward focus, pattern‑spotting, blunt logic, and structured goal‑chasing fits INTJ best.

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Forensics lab girl in Aus, Slovak roots, part-time NHL obsessive. Once told a caller ‘this is a forensics lab’ when he tried to report psychic injections.– @kyok0starves

Your signature cocktail
This drink runs on low sleep and high chaos, just like them staying up at ungodly hours to spiral and watch hockey while saying “Im gonna start crying its not even funny its 2:30am here”. The shochu/vodka base keeps it clean and efficient, fitting their full‑time grind and forensics‑lab girlie life, hinted at in “god restricting with a full time job is exhausting”. Bright yuzu soda with lime is for the Aus–Japan mashup and exchange‑student humor of “Me to jpn exchange students: どこ住んでいますか? Them: ...にほん”. The dash of dry vermouth adds a slightly bitter, dizzy edge echoing “holy shit my head is spinning like crazy i actually feel drunk” and “found a place that sells zyns and they make me dizzy”. Smoked salmon jerky and sea salt nod to their anti‑inflammatory fish obsession in “bought a shit ton of fish and some asparagus, brocollini, and sweet potato 🥰” and their upcoming Canada era from “I GOT THE CANADA JOB 😝😝😝😝😝”. It’s light but deceptively strong, a little bitter, a little salty, and very online—perfect for a girl who will cheer for Slovakia, then go back to “regularly scheduled posting”.

Your Hogwarts House
Kyoko shows a consistent mix of ambition, calculated self‑interest, and sharp social insight that aligns most with Slytherin. She’s overtly goal‑driven about her body and weight, tracking loss and strategizing around it in tweets like “woke up this morning at the lowest I've ever weighed 🤭”, “i always lose the most weights over the weekend because i spend all of it asleep so im hyped to be back to my lw by monday :p”, and “new lw 😜”, which shows a driven, results‑oriented mindset even when it’s unhealthy. She’s also willing to use tactics and manipulation to get what she wants, joking in “what are the chances that if i start crying they'll let me scribe i am not above using tears to make grown men uncomfortable”, a very Slytherin blend of emotional intelligence and weaponized vulnerability. Her proud comment “won my dispute against payroll last week and won the dispute against my loan company just then :P pays to be annoying” shows resourcefulness and persistence in advocating for herself. Even her career moves reflect ambition and long‑term positioning, from grinding through multiple interviews and time zones for an overseas position in “third interview for this fucking job in canada im dying man i dont know how many more early wakeups i have in me” to the triumphant “I GOT THE CANADA JOB 😝😝😝😝😝”. While she has humor and some Gryffindor‑ish boldness, the dominant through‑line is strategic self‑advancement, resilience, and a certain sharp‑edged pragmatism—classic Slytherin traits.

Your movie

Your song
A well-suited song for Kyoko is Bad Idea by Girl in Red, because it captures a messy, self-aware, slightly chaotic young adult life with dark humor and vulnerability. She jokes about overworking and exhaustion while still going out and getting tipsy, like when she says she has “work tomorrow but idc honestly lil tipsy” “work tomorrow but idc honestly lil tipsy”. The song’s themes of self-destructive habits and ignoring what’s good for you match her posts about extreme restricting and chasing lower weights, such as “god restricting with a full time job is exhausting i feel like my brain is working so slow” “god restricting with a full time job is exhausting i feel like my brain is working so slow like everything is in slow motion” and celebrating “new lw 😜” “new lw 😜”. At the same time, she’s funny and socially sharp—cheering for Slovakia, obsessing over hockey, and calling herself a “canadaboo” “in the Canadian consulate and my whole feed is hockey call me a canadaboo”—which reflects the track’s energetic, slightly ironic tone. The combination of vulnerability, reckless choices, and wry commentary on her own life makes Bad Idea an apt soundtrack for her timeline.

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