Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
- Affectionate partner: Consistently expresses deep love for their boyfriend, Jayden, and plans for a future together, stating “if i dont marry this man im gonna commit war crimes”.
- Animal lover: Shows great care for animals, from bottle-feeding a newborn cow named “bibi” to adoring their “fat ass cat”.
- Resilient: Maintains a positive outlook despite setbacks, celebrating a “positive balance” in their bank account after previously being fired.
- Family oriented: Maintains a close relationship with their grandmother, expressing excitement for “NANA'S MAKING MANICOTI” and worrying about her health.
- Self-aware: Recognizes the need for professional help and personal boundaries, noting they should “stop indirect tweeting and just talk to my therapist”.
Weaknesses:
- Impulsive spender: Admits to financial instability due to gaming habits, fearing they are “gonna go in debt bc of nod krai”.
- Passive aggressive: Engages in public venting about family and friends, such as calling out their “mom being unemployed and mooching”.
- Reckless behavior: Engaged in skating despite not practicing for a decade, resulting in a “broken my elbow”.
- Career instability: Experiences frequent job changes and rejections, recently being “rejected from all three jobs” they interviewed for.
- Alcohol overconsumption: Tweets about being “blackout drunk” to the point of vomiting and memory loss.
Your Simpsons character
Lisa Simpson
Like Lisa, hylan is a sensitive, intellectually curious individual who identifies as “a star~!!” while navigating complex family dynamics and personal health struggles like “fibromyalgia”. They share Lisa's strong moral compass and political engagement, expressing deep anxiety during Election Day by asking if “kamala still has a chance”. Their hobbies also mirror Lisa’s eclectic interests, from preserving a “dead beetle” to a dedicated passion for music and media like Stranger Things. Ultimately, hylan possesses Lisa's signature blend of being a high-achieving “star” who still feels like an outsider, often “indirect tweeting” their frustrations to find a sense of belonging.
Your MBTI personality Type
INFP
Hylan exhibits Introversion (I) through a focus on solitary hobbies like Genshin Impact and intimate relationships, often preferring to “stop indirect tweeting and just talk to my therapist”. Their Intuition (N) is seen in their deep emotional investment in fictional narratives, such as being “pissed off” by Stranger Things plotlines and their excitement for future possibilities. They lead with Feeling (F), making decisions based on personal values and intense emotions, notably when they claim they will “piss myself with excitement” over game leaks or express deep vulnerability about “missing my best friend”. Finally, their Perceiving (P) nature is evident in their spontaneous, “go with the flow” attitude, characterized by impulsive habits like “reinstalling genshin just for her” and a self-described “fuck it we ball” approach to life.
Some pickup lines for you
- Are you Skirk? Because I’ve been saving all my primogems and I’m definitely at 100% pity for you.
- I promise I’m better at sharing than Jayden—if we’re together, I’ll never let the blanket only cover your feet.
- I may not be a baby cow, but I’d let you bottle feed me if it means I get to be your next 'Bibi' update.
- Forget the KFC glider—the only rare drop I’m looking for in this world is a chance to be the one yelling at you for getting lost in Minecraft.
- I heard you’re looking to preserve a cute beetle, but how about we preserve this moment instead? I promise I’m way more fun to talk to than a therapist.
Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
23 | they/them. Passionate about Genshin Impact, chronic illness advocacy, and my baby cow, Bibi. Ask me about the time my boyfriend tried to cheers my stuffed cats.– @LEM0N_GEMS
Your signature cocktail
The 5.7 Skirk Sparkler
This experimental, color-changing cocktail captures Hylan’s chaotic but star-studded energy, as they proclaim “i am a star~!!” while navigating a life of “chronic pain” and frequent job changes. The shifting purple hues represent their deep fixation on Genshin Impact characters, specifically their desperate need to “save for skirk”. Despite a history of “missing my exbsf” and medical scares, the drink is fizzy and sweet, mirroring the joy they find in their relationship with Jayden and the arrival of “bibi the baby cow!!!”. It’s a resilient, 'fuck it we ball' kind of beverage that stays “excited” for the next big milestone.
Your Hogwarts House
Hufflepuff
Hylan consistently demonstrates Hufflepuff traits of loyalty and nurturing, particularly through their deep emotional bond with their partner and animals. They exhibit immense patience and dedication when caring for their newborn calf, noting they “get to bottle feed bibi tomorrow‼️‼️🎉🎉”, and show a strong sense of familial duty by looking after their Nana. Their commitment to their relationship is a central theme, as seen when they declare that “if i dont marry this man im gonna commit war crimes”. Even when facing personal setbacks like job rejections, they remain hardworking and grounded, finding joy in simple moments like when “MY NANA'S MAKING MANICOTI‼️‼️ IM SO EXCITED”. This combination of kindness, steadfastness, and valuing those they love makes them a quintessential Hufflepuff.
Your movie
Your song
Invisible String - Taylor Swift
This song perfectly encapsulates hylan's deep devotion to their boyfriend, Jayden, and the way their lives have become intertwined. The lyrics reflect a journey through personal growth and past hardships, much like how hylan's partner “makes sure to tell me he's proud of me whenever i go shopping in short sleeves” or how they humorously claim “if i dont marry this man im gonna commit war crimes”. Despite dealing with chronic pain and “fibromyalgia”, hylan finds joy in simple, domestic moments like “watching that time i got reincarnated as a slime” or moving to Portland together. The song's theme of fate and healing resonates with hylan’s transition from a difficult past to a future filled with love, farm animals like “bibi the baby cow”, and a supportive partner.
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