localpalplastic
City:
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In a relationship:
Best friend:
Politically:
green: confident, yellow: guess, red: uncertain
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Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
- Socially Conscious: He strongly criticizes far-right groups and expresses empathy for victims of conflict, noting it is mind-blowing to care more about football bans than innocent children dying.
- Anti-Discriminatory: He vocally condemns racist chanting and calls out fans who use football as a platform for antisemitic or hateful rhetoric.
- Candid Critic: He isn't afraid to challenge his club's leadership, frequently questioning Steve Parish regarding transfer windows and stadium delays.
- Humorous Outlook: He uses a lighthearted, mocking tone to deal with footballing frustrations, such as laughing at rival fans' antics.
Weaknesses:
- Abrasive Language: He frequently uses aggressive insults, calling people “wank,” “bellend,” and “complete waste of oxygen.”
- Slur Usage: He repeatedly uses ableist slurs like “mong” and “dribbles” to insult those he disagrees with.
- Confrontational Nature: He proactively seeks out conflict with fellow supporters, describing sections of his own fanbase as “minimum wage melts” and “smackheads.”
- Short Temper: His reactions to poor team performance are immediate and harsh, such as demanding players never wear the shirt again after a loss.
- Extreme Hostility: He expresses high levels of vitriol toward rivals, labeling Millwall as “complete scum” and wishing for a “murder scene” in certain fixtures.
Your Simpsons character
Moe Szyslak
Like the cynical bartender of The Simpsons, this user displays a gritty, short-fused, and confrontational personality deeply rooted in his local community and its grievances. He spends much of his time lobbing insults at authority figures and rival factions, frequently questioning Steve Parish's leadership with remarks like “how low do your balls hang mr Parish?” or dismissing people as a “Complete waste of oxygen”. Much like Moe's disdain for certain bar patrons, he is quick to label others as a “fucking melt” or a “bellend”. His tweets reflect a raw, unfiltered worldview where everyone from rival fans to his own club's chairman is a potential target for his signature brand of surly, world-weary aggression.
Your MBTI personality Type
ESTP
j is an extroverted, hands-on observer of the world, focused heavily on physical experiences like football matches and drinking with others, seen in “Where are palace drinking”. Their personality is grounded in the Sensing and Thinking functions, as they prioritize immediate, concrete realities of club management and transfers over abstract theory, often using blunt, unsympathetic logic to critique others, such as calling a pundit a “fucking melt”. They exhibit the Perceiving trait through a spontaneous, reactive communication style that focuses on the thrill of the moment, frequently using aggressive humor to mock those they deem “mongs” or “gimps”. Ultimately, their tweets demonstrate an energetic, confrontational, and reality-focused mindset typical of the 'Entrepreneur' type.
Some pickup lines for you
- Are you Steve Parish? Because you've got me wondering how low your balls hang after that bold move you just made.
- I promise I’m not 'local plastic'—I'd sign a 10-year contract with you faster than a Palace wonderkid.
- Are we playing Arsenal? Because I’ve got an awful mindset culture when it comes to keeping my hands off you.
- I’m no Marc Guehi, but I’d let you take 10% of my yearly salary if it meant getting an away ticket to your heart.
- Forget the Holmesdale Fanatics, you're the only display I want as my header tonight.
Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
South London's finest critic of Steve Parish and the Main Stand delays. Supporting Palace across Europe while dodging the right-wing melts. Up the Glasner.– @localpalplastic
Your signature cocktail
The Parish's Low-Hanger
This drink captures the high-friction energy of a Crystal Palace die-hard who is constantly asking, “how low do your balls hang mr Parish?”. The bitter gin reflects a general disdain for rivals, especially when noting that “Arsenal luckiest lot going”, while the absinthe represents the chaos of someone wondering “how much gear has this helmet gone through”. It is a salty, experimental serve for a fan who isn't afraid to call out the “minimum wage melts” or those they deem a “complete waste of oxygen”.
Your Hogwarts House
Gryffindor
j exhibits the fiery temperament and blunt courage of a Gryffindor, frequently standing up for his convictions by calling out what he perceives as injustice or stupidity. He shows a classic Gryffindor disdain for those he considers 'scum' or 'fannys,' such as when he condemned the “ADDO group are fucking embarrassing. Over in France and start racist chanting” or labeled others “minimum wage melts” for their behavior abroad. His impulsiveness and willingness to be the loudest voice in the room are evident in his direct demands for club leadership to “Show us how low those balls hang mr Parish”. Ultimately, his brand of justice—harsh, direct, and unyielding—aligns with the house that values nerve and standing your ground against the crowd.
Your movie
Your song
Common People - Pulp
The user is a passionate Crystal Palace supporter who expresses deep frustration with club chairman Steve Parish and the commercialization of the game, often questioning “how low do your balls hang mr Parish?” regarding transfer ambition. They demonstrate a strong disdain for elitism and political hypocrisy, frequently calling out what they perceive as the “lack of IQ” in right-wing fan groups and certain segments of the footballing community. This gritty, anti-establishment outlook and focus on the local working-class fan experience aligns with the themes of Common People. Their cynicism toward the wealthy hierarchy is evident when claiming “Parish steals a living here” while the team struggles to fill the bench despite European competition.
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