massive_onigiri
City:
Job:
In a relationship:
Politically:
green: confident, yellow: guess, red: uncertain
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Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
- Passionate partner: Frequently expresses deep love and devotion toward their girlfriend, e.g. “FUCK MY GIRLFRIEND IS SUCH A GODDESS…” and repeated “i miss my wife” tweets.
- Humorous bluntness: Uses dark, exaggerated humor to make points, like “next person i see gets a knife thrown at their face” and “crazy atrocious sinful monkey sex”.
- Clear boundaries: Strongly calls out things they find morally wrong, e.g. criticizing romanticizing rape “a certain fandom try not to romanticize rape challenge” and sexualized ship art “this shit is disgusting this is ship art isn’t it”.
- Opinionated thinker: Shares firm opinions on music and culture, like critiques of Panic! At The Disco’s later work “patd’s more beatle esque sound and look is cringe” and “fall out boy overrated asf ngl”.
- Emotionally expressive: Openly shares feelings of love, loneliness, and confusion, such as “being alone sucks so bad but being around a lot of people sucks too” and “i love thinking about you i hope i can get better eventually”.
Weaknesses:
- Aggressive language: Frequently uses violent threats, even jokingly, e.g. “nobody better fucks with me rn cause i will actually kill someone” and “next person i see gets a knife thrown at their face”.
- Self-loathing: Often talks about wanting to die and feeling worthless, like “pls i wanna die”, “just kill me 😹 i don’t want to live anymore”, and “im worthless”.
- Social hostility: Expresses strong hatred toward people in general, e.g. “i kinda hate everyone”, “i genuinely cannot stand anyone atm”, and “loud and obnoxious people… can’t u just die?”.
- Impulsive harshness: Often responds to others with insults or extreme judgment, like “people who kiss their dogs are weird and needs to be euthanized” and “holy ugly ass blodline”.
- Emotional volatility: Tweets swing rapidly between deep affection and despair, e.g. intense love posts about their girlfriend alongside posts like “im so miserable it’s insane” and “why do i feel like i wanna kms bruh”.
Your Simpsons character
Lisa Simpson
They most closely match Lisa Simpson: emotionally intense, opinionated, smart, and often feeling out of place. Like Lisa, they have strong ethical stances and call things out bluntly, e.g. criticizing fandom behavior in “a certain fandom try not to romanticize rape challenge: impossible 💀” and condemning creepy ship art in “this shit is disgusting this is ship art isn’t it people are so weird and disgusting”. They swing between idealistic love and deep melancholy, similar to Lisa’s mix of romanticism and depression, shown in “i love thinking about you i hope i can get better eventually so i can stand on my own and still think about you” and “pls i wanna die”. They also feel alienated and overlooked, as in “never included in anything sucks, like i get it sometimes but dude you could’ve asked me to come with”, which echoes Lisa’s frequent loneliness. Even their sharp, sometimes vicious sarcasm toward others in tweets like “loud and obnoxious people i have questions for u, why? can’t u just die? like???” fits Lisa’s capacity for moral anger when she thinks people are being shallow or cruel.
Your MBTI personality Type
INFP
They lean strongly Introvert: they complain about people and social overstimulation, e.g. “being alone sucks so bad but being around a lot of people sucks too i only need one person but they’re not here 🥹 fuck my antisocial life” and “never included in anything sucks, like i get it sometimes but dude you could’ve asked me to come with”, showing a desire for deep one‑on‑one connection over crowds. Their interests and expressions point to Intuition: they gravitate toward music, fandoms, and imaginative/romantic ideas like “i always joked about how my gf should learn how to do mitosis but i think i would be overstimulated and it’s just a funny thought” and metaphorical phrasing such as “self pity and self loathing it must be hard dealing with me”, focusing on internal states more than concrete facts. The intense emotional language and value-driven judgments point to Feeling: they idealize their partner in highly affective terms like “FUCK MY GIRLFRIEND IS SUCH A GODDESS… I REALLY LOVE HER” and react morally to topics like rape romanticization and ship art, e.g. “this shit is disgusting this is ship art isn’t it people are so weird and disgusting”. Despite being blunt, their arguments are emotionally charged rather than structured logical cases, such as “everything causes cancer you can be a dork about it or you can live life”. Their behavior and tone are more Perceiving than Judging: they often express feeling lost or overwhelmed (“fuck this shitty ass life”, “what are the treatments for depression”) and operate reactively in the moment with spontaneous, hyperbolic posts like “next person i see gets a knife thrown at their face”, rather than presenting structured plans or organized routines. Combining introversion, value-centric emotional intensity, imaginative focus, and a spontaneous, unstructured lifestyle, INFP is the best-fit type.
Some pickup lines for you
- You keep tweeting ‘I miss my wife’ like it’s a bit, but hear me out: I’ve got a motorcycle, decent music taste, and zero Snapchat streaks… we could speedrun the marriage arc if you want.
- You said Fall Out Boy is overrated and Pretty. Odd. was the beginning of PATD’s downfall — controversial, but correct. Since your music takes are god-tier, wanna come over and judge my playlist like it’s 2016 and then make it feel less miserable?
- You said being alone sucks and being around a lot of people sucks, you only need one person but they’re not there. I volunteer as that one person — we can be antisocial together and only go outside for cats and Metal Gear drops.
- You joked about your girlfriend learning mitosis, but if there were two of you I’d be way too overstimulated — one POSH CHAIR is already more than my nervous system can handle.
- You talk about wanting to disappear completely and feeling worthless, then turn around and write essays about how much you love your ‘wife’. Not a pick-up line, but genuinely: anyone who can love that fiercely is far from worthless — if you ever need someone to hype you up between Walking Dead quotes and Persona rants, I’m right here.
Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
19 • they/them/him • Talks Raiden, Nirvana & The Walking Dead more than is legally allowed. Once planned a motorcycle trip just for the playlist.– @massive_onigiri
Your signature cocktail
POSH Chairside Meltdown
This cocktail is loud, volatile, and way too honest, just like their timeline—overproof rum for all the threats like “next person i see gets a knife thrown at their face” and “nobody better fucks with me rn cause i will actually kill someone”. The black coffee cold brew mirrors their exhaustion and self‑loathing spiral in “im so miserable it’s insane” and “why do i feel like i wanna kms bruh”. Cherry liqueur cuts through the bitterness with the ridiculous tenderness of “FUCK MY GIRLFRIEND IS SUCH A GODDESS…” and all the aching “i miss my wife” posts like “i miss my wife so much”. Lime juice adds sharp emo‑punk acidity in honor of their music takes like “fall out boy overrated asf ngl” and “why does patd fall off after pretty odd im ngl”. The smoked salt & chili sugar rim is there because they’re simultaneously sweet and corrosive, perfectly summed up by “i kinda hate everyone” and the unhinged affection of “you ever love someone so much that they make every other person of that gender feels so uninteresting”. This is a strong, slightly bitter, emo‑romantic chaos drink—classic at its core but dressed up just enough to feel a little deranged, like “how to disappear completely” in cocktail form.
Your Hogwarts House
Gryffindor
Based on their tweets.
Your movie
Your song
I Write Sins Not Tragedies - Panic! At The Disco
Their timeline is packed with Panic! At The Disco references and emo aesthetics, from directly celebrating the band’s work like “happy 20th to a fever you can’t sweat out” to joking tweaks on the lyrics such as “what a shame the poor grooms bride is sahoor”. The dramatic, theatrical bitterness of I Write Sins Not Tragedies fits their mix of aggression and dark humor shown in posts like “nobody better fucks with me rn cause i will actually kill someone” and “next person i see gets a knife thrown at their face”. At the same time, the song’s core about messy relationships and jealousy resonates with their intense fixation on romantic love, as seen in “FUCK MY GIRLFRIEND IS SUCH A GODDESS… I REALLY LOVE HER” and repeated laments like “i miss my wife so much”. Their love of AFYCSO-era aesthetics is explicit in “the aesthetic of afycso is just so good”, making this particular song the most fitting anthem. Overall, the track’s sarcastic edge, theatrical emo vibe, and relationship drama mirror both their music taste and their online persona almost perfectly.
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