Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
- Intense Loyalty: Consistently defends his quarterback, declaring “Every day I wake up and thank God 17 is my qb” despite team struggles.
- Social Connector: Actively builds community by shouting out mutuals and creating holiday gift lists like “Merry Christmas Baddie FC”.
- Deep Sports Knowledge: Demonstrates a nuanced understanding of roster building and positional value, noting “WR was the issue not RB”.
- Analytical Engagement: Uses specific statistical comparisons to support his arguments, such as “Josh Allen has 28tds in 9 games” vs other MVPs.
- Self-Aware Humor: Uses self-deprecating humor regarding his personal life, joking about “2 lotto tickets and won 2 dollars” for Christmas.
Weaknesses:
- Emotional Volatility: Swings from high praise to extreme vitriol, telling his favorite player “i hate you so much josh allen u deadass ruin my year”.
- Aggressive Communication: Uses derogatory language and insults when disagreeing with others, calling people “classless weirdos” or “chuds”.
- Severe Pessimism: Prone to defeatist attitudes, claiming “belief in team is shattered” and threatening to delete his account after losses.
- Confirmation Bias: Dismisses opposing players' success as luck or officiating errors, specifically claiming “officials unluckily ruled in kc favor”.
- Obsessive Hatewatching: Admits to spending time watching players he dislikes just to criticize them, asking “why am I even hatewatching he's pathetic”.
Your Simpsons character
Comic Book Guy
Like Jeff Albertson, @maxstraps_ displays an obsessive, gatekeeping attitude toward his niche interests, often declaring things the “worst thing to exist” and engaging in relentless online nitpicking. He oscillates between extreme devotion and cynical dejection, at one point claiming his “belief in team is shattered” after a loss. His penchant for labeling others as a “chud” or “classless weirdos” mirrors the Simpsons character's iconic superiority complex. Ultimately, his life revolves around analyzing stats and criticizing “bad moves,” much like a resident of the Android's Dungeon & Baseball Card Shop.
Your MBTI personality Type
ESTP
Max displays the Extroversion and Sensing traits of an ESTP through their high-energy, reactionary engagement with real-time sports data and bold public call-outs. Their Thinking preference is evident in their blunt, often abrasive logic and focus on competitive results, such as when they dismissively stated, “no excuses nothing allen sold. he just cant do it”. The Perceiving trait is highlighted by their volatile emotional shifts based on immediate game outcomes, moving from “Every day I wake up and thank God 17 is my qb” to “i hate you so much josh allen u deadass ruin my year” in just weeks. This combination reflects an 'Entrepreneur' type who lives in the moment, values physical dominance, and communicates with a “leather to buttocks” level of directness.
Some pickup lines for you
- Are you the Buffalo Bills? Because despite all the 'impending doom' and heartbreak, I just can't stop coming back to you.
- I’m no Brandon Beane, so you can actually trust me—I promise I'll never be a snake and trade away your heart.
- If you’re still looking for someone to provide 'leather to buttocks' on your behalf, I’m ready to be your defensive MVP.
- You said you'd rather be lucky than good, so how about we both get lucky and I take you out to celebrate that 1.7 million milestone?
- I know you said you weren't tweeting again until you 'bagged' irl, so consider this my official application to help you end the lockout.
Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
Lifelong Buffalo Bills devotee and Maxwell Hairston’s #1 scout. From analyzing pass defenses to chasing the MVP race, I’m just here for the rings and the win.– @maxstraps_
Your signature cocktail
The Wide Right Heartbreaker
This cocktail is as strong and erratic as a Josh Allen playoff run, starting with a base of Buffalo Trace for a user who claims “Every day I wake up and thank God 17 is my qb”. The bitter Aperol and salty rim represent the inevitable heartbreak and 'doom' they feel, famously tweeting, “i hate you so much josh allen u deadass ruin my year every single year”. The blue ice spheres match their ❄️ aesthetic, while the garnish is a petty nod to their habit of calling rival fans “40 years old wit expired eggs”. It’s a drink for someone who would “rather be lucky than good” but always ends up with a glass full of 'impending doom'.
Your Hogwarts House
Slytherin
The user demonstrates the classic Slytherin trait of conditional loyalty, quickly turning on their 'heroes' when they no longer serve their ambitions, as seen when they tweet “i hate you so much josh allen u deadass ruin my year every single year bro u just suck”. They exhibit a strong sense of self-preservation and elitism, frequently engaging in aggressive 'baiting' and asserting dominance over others, exemplified by the post “some people js dont know how to bait”. Their ambition is tied heavily to status and recognition, obsessing over statistical 'MVPs' and follower counts, noted in the tweet “1.7 million wow💖”. Ultimately, their cunning and willingness to 'slim' others to protect their own interests mark them as a true member of the serpent's house.
Your movie
Your song
Bad Day - Daniel Powter
This song perfectly captures the emotional rollercoaster of a Buffalo Bills fan whose hope is constantly met with despair. The user experiences extreme highs, claiming “Every day I wake up and thank God 17 is my qb”, only to fall into a deep depression when things go wrong. Following a playoff loss, their frustration peaks as they tweet, “i hate you so much josh allen u deadass ruin my year every single year”. The lyrics about a 'kick that you can't kick around' resonate with their specific trauma of the “wide right” curse. Ultimately, they embody the song's theme of a crumbling spirit, admitting their “belief in team is shattered” after another season ends in disappointment.
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