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Brighton fan with a Mitoma agenda, part-time VAR hater. Once trusted AFCON refs and learned never to trust again.– @merchant_mid

Your signature cocktail
Japanese yuzu vodka channels their unapologetic Mitoma obsession and Brighton loyalty as seen in “Mitoma last minute to set Brighton alight” and “Really close there, good touch Mitoma”. Bright blue curaçao mirrors the Seagulls’ colors and their timeline flooded with football chaos like “beginning to find it difficult to look forward to this club playing footy iwl”. Spicy ginger beer captures their loud, reactive energy in tweets such as “BABIS FUCK YEAH BORNEMOUTH CAN EAT A DICK” and their gleeful Kai/Varka slander in “these perpetual Kai and Varka beltings fill me with great joy”. A dash of bitters reflects the constant refereeing rage and VAR trauma from “THIS REF GENUINELY THINKS HE DESERVES TO LIVE😂😂😂” and “#ABOLISHVAR”. The salt rim with crushed chili flakes is for the combination of banter and genuine pain in posts like “beginning to find it difficult to look forward to this club playing footy iwl” and the comedic despair of “real talk man like over 608399568 people on ts planet and im still in poverty”.

Your Hogwarts House
This account shows a very Gryffindor mix of boldness, confrontational humor, and an instinct to loudly stand up for what they think is right. They go on full-on rants at referees and VAR with lines like “THIS REF GENUINELY THINKS HE DESERVES TO LIVE😂😂😂”, “#ABOLISHVAR”, and “just thought about the refereeing during yesterday’s game and I still cannot fathom how any of them have a job”, which shows impulsive, passionate outrage more than cold analysis. They also aim the same fire at players and pundits, such as “Turn the comments back on pussy” and the extremely over-the-top “BRAHIM DIAZ YOU ARE DOGSHIT NIGGA …”, indicating a fearless (if reckless) willingness to say exactly what they think. Their devotion to Brighton & Mitoma – “sir danny welbeck once again you have saved my bitchass life” in this tweet and comments like “Mitoma last minute to set Brighton alight” – reads as loyal and emotionally invested in their side’s battles. While there’s some wit and football knowledge, their defining traits are hot-blooded passion, reactive courage, and a tendency to charge headfirst into arguments, which align most strongly with Gryffindor rather than the more measured Ravenclaw, gentle Hufflepuff, or calculating Slytherin.

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Your song
A well-known song that fits them is Started From the Bottom by Drake, because their timeline is a mix of struggle, banter, and stubborn loyalty to their club. They constantly vent about bad refereeing and VAR while still watching every minute, like in “His arm offside and it’s chalked lol, what is even the point of Video Action Review” and “#ABOLISHVAR”, which mirrors the song’s theme of fighting through nonsense. Their love for Brighton and Mitoma despite constant frustration shows a ride-or-die mentality, seen in “@OfficialBHAFC | honest football lover | Mitoma prop | #LiftOff” and celebrations like “sir Danny saves my loser ass life again I see”. The self-aware, slightly tragic humor of tweets such as “beginning to find it difficult to look forward to this club playing footy iwl” and “real talk man like over 608399568 people on ts planet and im still in poverty” fits the song’s energy of grinding and complaining while still pushing on. Even when they’re furious, like in “THIS REF GENUINELY THINKS HE DESERVES TO LIVE😂😂😂”, they keep showing up to watch and tweet, just like the song’s narrator keeps going despite everything.

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merchant_mid
green: confident, yellow: guess, red: uncertain
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