
Strengths and Weaknesses

Your Simpsons character
Matthew aligns closely with Lisa Simpson due to his high-intellect, urbanist interests, and tendency to provide nuanced, often contrarian takes on complex social issues. Like Lisa, he is academically minded (Middlebury College) and possesses a strong moral compass that leads him to criticize both sides of the political spectrum, such as when he argues that “all those ‘punch Nazis’ signs are still really, really bad because they promote violence on a purely political basis”. He shares Lisa's love for niche history and culture, evident in his pride for his “little collection I’m putting together” and his interest in designing flags. While he identifies as a moderate conservative, his passion for “Dense cities” and his analytical approach to the “Russo Ukrainian war purely in terms of realpolitik” mirrors Lisa’s role as the pragmatic, well-read voice of reason in The Simpsons.

Your MBTI personality Type
Matthew demonstrates Extroversion (E) through his active public engagement, frequent use of interaction bait, and requests for social feedback, such as asking “Any ideas for what to do with my birthday?”. His Intuition (N) is evident in his focus on systemic patterns and theoretical connections, notably when comparing “Marx's vision of communism” to right-wing populism. As a Thinking (T) type, he prioritizes logic and realpolitik over emotional appeals, even defending controversial ideas by stating “just following orders is a valid defense” in a legal context. Finally, his Perceiving (P) nature shows in his spontaneous hobbies and admission that he wrote a piece “because I was bored” without much editing or spell checking.

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Your new Twitter bio
Middlebury alum & urbanist. Once accidentally double-backflipped down a ski slope. Exploring the intersection of Masorti values and moderate conservative thought.– @MRosenbaun

Your signature cocktail
This drink is designed for someone who looks at the world “purely in terms of realpolitik” while maintaining a classic, Ivy League aesthetic from Middlebury. The Manischewitz provides a sweet nod to his heritage, balanced by the strong, traditional conservative base of bourbon for a man who believes “Watergate [didn't] remove [Nixon] from the top 10 list” of presidents. It’s a sophisticated choice for a guy who might “accidentally [do] a double backflip downhill” while skiing, yet remains serious enough to analyze “CENTCOM’s stockpiles”. Best served at the Watergate Hotel to keep things “insanely politically connected.”

Your Hogwarts House
Matthew demonstrates a classic Ravenclaw affinity for analytical thinking and a broad, intellectual curiosity that spans urbanism, history, and military strategy. He frequently approaches complex geopolitical issues through a lens of “realpolitik” and offers detailed technical critiques, such as his analysis of “CENTCOM’s stockpiles” and standoff weapons. His wit is evident in his creative pursuits, like “designing a communist flag without the usual motifs” just for fun, and his appreciation for well-contextualized information, noting an article “contextualized a lot of what I see around on the site.” This constant desire to deconstruct systems, from “California’s government” to the nuances of “descriptive language” in literature, solidifies his place in the house of the wise.

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Your song
Matthew's digital footprint reflects a deep-rooted connection to the Northeast and elite coastal institutions, making this anthem of sophisticated urban identity particularly fitting. Despite his current Los Angeles location, he frequently engages with the cultural and political life of the Atlantic coast, recently posting about “staying at the Watergate” or visiting the “JFK Presidential Library”. The song’s blend of high-culture appreciation and gritty reality matches his persona as someone who studies “Dartmouth Engineering” statistics while also observing the “copper taken” from his home. As a self-described urbanist and moderate conservative, he embodies the song's tension between tradition and cosmopolitan life, often reflecting on his family being “insanely politically connected”. Ultimately, his intellectualized, 'old-school' approach to Twitter suggests a soul that, much like the song, finds its rhythm in the historical and political corridors of the American Establishment.

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MRosenbaun
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