Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
- Resilient: He maintains composure and looks for strength despite the profound grief of “losing his mother”.
- Family-oriented: He reflects deeply on his relationship with his mother, even seeing himself as “her photocopy”.
- Disciplined: He is dedicated to fitness, celebrating when he “officially cleared the gym machine weight”.
- Self-aware: He recognizes his own difficult personality traits, such as “disliking Christmas family gatherings”.
- Loyal fan: Despite his team's struggles, he chooses to “keep believing” in SC Internacional.
Weaknesses:
- Impulsive anger: He often uses harsh language, stating he “abominates” specific players when they underperform.
- Violent rhetoric: He uses extreme language when reacting to news, suggesting people “should be lynched”.
- Pessimistic outlook: He frequently declares the “end of the club” and predicts certain relegation.
- Emotional volatility: His mood swings drastically based on sports, claiming football “destroys his sanity”.
- Harsh critic: He publicly insults professionals' intelligence, comparing a player's “IQ to a mouse”.
Your Simpsons character
Moe Szyslak
Like the cynical owner of Moe's Tavern, Luan exhibits a grumpy, pessimistic outlook on life, particularly regarding his favorite team and personal misfortunes. He frequently expresses deep-seated misery, such as when he says “I hate this sport” or laments that “God has abandoned us”. His social commentary carries a signature Moe-like edge, seen in his dark humor about “more than lynching” and his admission that “I'm never drinking again” after a bad night. Despite the constant complaining and the “horrible year” he endured, he remains a dedicated regular in his community, much like Moe is to Springfield's nightlife. Ultimately, his blend of aggressive sports frustration and vulnerable personal moments mirrors the curmudgeonly yet deeply human spirit of The Simpsons’ favorite bartender.
Your MBTI personality Type
ISTP
Luan exhibits Introversion through his preference for solitary activities like guitar and lifting, and his admission that he “detestava natal e qualquer coisa que envolvia familia reunida”. He displays Sensing by focusing on concrete details of football matches and gym progress, such as when he celebrates the “voador da academia oficialmente zerado”. His Thinking trait is evident in his blunt, often harsh critiques of players, such as telling Alan Benitez to “desista do futebol você é ruim”, prioritizing raw performance over diplomacy. Finally, his Perceiving nature shows in his reactive, spur-of-the-moment emotional swings regarding his team, moving quickly from “larguei o futebol pra sempre” to intense engagement, reflecting a spontaneous and adaptable engagement with his interests.
Some pickup lines for you
- Are you the 'voador' at the gym? Because after seeing you, I think I’ve officially completed my workout goals for the day. 🫡
- I promise I’m a better catch than Sergio Rochet’s goal exit—I’ll never leave you hanging like that. 🔥
- They say Inter is becoming a 'Sport Asilo,' but I wouldn’t mind growing old with you if it means we can complain about the midfield together.
- Forget the reboot of Anaconda being the worst movie ever; the real tragedy would be us not grabbing a drink (even if you swore you’d never drink again).
- You said you're the 'xerox' of your mom because you both hate family gatherings—how about we skip the Christmas drama and just play some guitar together instead?
Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
From mastering guitar riffs to hitting gym PRs in Porto Alegre. 🎸💪 Passionate about Sopranos, classic rock, and the emotional roller coaster of being a Colorada.– @oluanlima_
Your signature cocktail
The Colorado Heartbreak on the Rocks
This drink captures Luan’s intense emotional journey as a passionate @SCInternacional fan who “hates this sport” yet can't stop watching. The smokiness honors his dedication to the gym where he “officially cleared the gym fly machine”, while the bitter notes reflect a year where he felt “God has abandoned us”. Despite the cynicism about his team “falling to Serie B”, there’s a sweet undercurrent of resilience from a man who “learned to stay well in bad times”. It is a strong, heavy-hitting cocktail for someone who faces life with dark humor and iron weights.
Your Hogwarts House
Slytherin
Luan displays the ambition and self-preservation typical of a Slytherin, coupled with a harsh, cynical wit when things go south. He is brutally honest about his own limits and desires, such as when he admits “ser pai nunca foi um sonho pra mim mas ultimamente até que tô pensando com carinho” or his drive to achieve personal success, stating “Vou fazer meu nome”. His resourcefulness is channeled into fitness and personal resilience, proudly declaring the “voador da academia oficialmente zerado”. Unlike the optimism of a Hufflepuff or Gryffindor, Luan prioritizes a realistic—often ruthless—worldview, especially regarding his team's failures, as seen when he says “Caiu e não salva mais, e afirmo aqui: é só o começo do fim do Inter”. This focus on personal legacy and a 'sink or swim' mentality firmly places him in Slytherin.
Your movie
Your song
Welcome to the Jungle - Guns N' Roses
Luan’s profile is a high-octane mix of rock music, physical intensity, and the 'insalubrious' chaos of Brazilian football. As a guitarist who specifically critiques “Guns N Roses” and claims to have “officially cleared the gym's fly machine”, he lives the hard-rock lifestyle. The song’s aggressive energy mirrors his volatile relationship with SC Internacional, where he oscillates between “I hate this sport” and celebrating his team with “Vamoooo”. Ultimately, the track captures the resilience of someone who has faced a tragic year but insists on finding the “strength” to keep shouting into the void of the 'jungle' that is his Twitter feed.
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