Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
- Community loyalty: Maintains dedicated support for local clubs, describing themselves as a “solihull moors enthusiast”.
- Nuanced political perspective: Balances personal background with policy critique regarding “migrant rights” and dangerous legislation.
- Social awareness: Calls out hypocrisy, such as when English fans complain about “stadium atmosphere” while mocking supporters.
- Empathy: Expresses genuine emotional distress over human suffering, noting a story “genuinely made me cry”.
- Pragmatic outlook: Shows realism by supporting the “judgment call” to keep British troops out of harm's way.
Weaknesses:
- Emotional volatility: Reacts with extreme distress to sports, tweeting “fuck my life this is painful” during a match.
- Pessimistic tendencies: Often expects the worst for their teams, fearing “arsenal bottle the league” and Spurs' relegation.
- Dating insecurity: Openly admits to a lack of confidence, “realising i have no dating skills” after becoming single.
- Hostile rhetoric: Uses aggressive language toward public figures, such as calling someone a “pos” upon their departure.
- Short attention span: Quickly dismisses content they find unappealing, stating “i’m not watching this lmao”.
Your Simpsons character
Lisa Simpson
OpiumWipes mirrors Lisa’s blend of high-minded political engagement and the crushing emotional burden of being a cynical fan. They display a Lisa-esque moral compass when criticizing GB News as a “national embarrassment” and expressing frustration that “debating with climate change deniers is the hardest thing ever”. Despite their intellectual side, they are frequently seen “suffering” over their favorite teams, much like Lisa’s occasional existential meltdowns over the state of the world. Ultimately, their tendency to call out social hypocrisy while feeling like a “smol” observer in a chaotic world aligns perfectly with the smartest, most exasperated member of the Simpsons family.
Your MBTI personality Type
ENFP
OpiumWipes demonstrates Extroversion through high-frequency engagement with public trends, live-tweeting events, and discussing social topics like “fortnite karaoke”. They lean toward Intuition by focusing on political theories and future possibilities, such as analyzing “regime change” and the shifting “maga fracturing” landscape. Their Feeling trait is evident in their emotionally driven responses to news, stating that a story “genuinely made me cry” and using strong empathetic language regarding “migrant rights”. Finally, they exhibit Perceiving through a spontaneous, reactive tweeting style and an admitted lack of structure, noting they are “realising i have no dating skills” in a new, unplanned life phase.
Some pickup lines for you
- Are you the Solihull Moors? Because despite the suffering, I’m still a complete enthusiast for you.
- Forget the Labour NEC—I’m looking to purge my single status and appoint you as my cabinet member for life.
- I may have no dating skills since the 2017 world ended, but unlike VAR, I’d never ruin the fun of a night out with you.
- Are you a £87 football kit? Because you've been calling my name all day and I think you’re worth every penny.
- I promise I’m more reliable than a bin collection in a housing project—how about a 10-minute drive to grab some Pecsi?
Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
Solihull-based policy wonk and Liverpool FC loyalist. Once survived a break-up only to realize I have zero dating skills. Passionate about center-left politics.– @OpiumWipes
Your signature cocktail
The Solihull Sufferer’s Slot-tini
This cocktail is a bittersweet mix reflecting a “liverpool and solihull moors enthusiast (sufferer)” who is currently navigating life “single for the first time in my adult life”. It features a rebellious splash of soda because they’d “rather pecsi” than the standard mixer, and it’s served in a petite glass since they admit “we’re so smol”. While the taste is heavy on the bitters due to a season that was “certainly one of the seasons of all time,” the presentation remains high-effort, even if the user thinks the cost of luxury is “actually ridiculous.”
Your Hogwarts House
Hufflepuff
Despite the cynical humor typical of football fans, @OpiumWipes displays a core of Hufflepuff loyalty and a strong sense of fair play. They exhibit deep patience and steadfastness in their sports fandom, describing themselves as a “solihull moors enthusiast (sufferer)” and urging others to “stay behind them for the run in” during a painful season. Their sense of justice is evident when they condemn “disgraceful” behavior at matches or argue for “migrant rights” based on personal history. Ultimately, their desire for a “very fun and normal” environment over conflict marks them as a true badger.
Your movie
Your song
You'll Never Walk Alone - Gerry & The Pacemakers
This anthem is the definitive match for a self-described “liverpool and solihull moors enthusiast (sufferer)” who experiences the extreme emotional highs and lows of football. The lyrics about walking through a storm resonate with their post-defeat resilience, noting that “the lads gave it their all tonight. we need to stay behind them for the run in”. Even when they admit “fuck my life this is painful” during a match, they maintain a sense of community with fellow fans. The song’s message of hope and endurance perfectly captures their spirit as they navigate both a “painful” season and a new chapter as a “single” adult. Ultimately, it reflects their deep-rooted loyalty to their home and team, even when “the possibility that arsenal bottle the league and spurs get relegated feels more real”.
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