
Strengths and Weaknesses

Your Simpsons character
The user most closely matches Lisa Simpson: emotionally intense, smart, and deeply affected by the unfairness around her. Like Lisa, they feel alienated at home and at school, describing abuse and chaos such as “So today my mom threatened to break the watch my grandma got my Dad and I don’t like my dad because he hits me to but that’s to far.” and “Kill my parents”, which mirrors Lisa’s constant conflict with her dysfunctional family. They’re introspective and self-revealing, admitting things like “I’m ngl when I first made my strawpage and my account I lied about my age because I was scared people would hate on me for being 15 so I said I was 16”, similar to Lisa’s honesty and self-analysis. At the same time, they care intensely about their partners and friend group, saying “I love my friend group so much. I don’t know how I was even able to get so lucky and be able to meet these people.”, which fits Lisa’s deep loyalty to the few people she trusts. Their combination of vulnerability, moral/emotional sensitivity, and feeling out of place in a hostile environment aligns far more with Lisa than with more chaotic characters like Bart or apathetic ones like Homer.

Your MBTI personality Type
They lean Extrovert (E) because they’re constantly with people, on calls, and at meetups, and seem energized by social interaction: for example talking about meeting many people at a shedtwt meetup and tagging friends in posts like “IS ANYONE ON #SHEDTWT AND IN NORTH FLORDIA AND DOWN TO MEETUP THIS SATURDAY There’s gonna be 12 people there (@mydolphinissick , @chappelmylove , @ponydaredevil , @pr0ud__m1stake are coming )” and group calls like “I’m on call with so many people right now our whole friend group would be on call if Hope and Magical weren’t SLEEPING FOR ONCE😡”. They seem Intuitive (N) because their focus isn’t on practical tasks but on relationships, meanings, online subcultures, and in-jokes (e.g. complex friend‑group lore and running bits about floragendatwt in “#FLORAGENDA RULES #1 • ELI, RUBY, ZONNIE, IVY, AND ASTRID ARE THE BIGGEST FRAUDS OF ALL TIME #2 • YOU EITHER GLAZE XANIA OR HATE HER #3 • HOPE IS THE ULTIMATE GOAT AND NOBODY SAYS OTHERWISE #4 • MAGICAL IS NOT A BAD PERSON NO MATTER WHAT #5 • KILL ALL COKE LARPERS”). Their style is clearly Feeling (F): they center emotions, loyalty, and hurt, like defending their polycule in “Can people stop saying me and all my partners are cheating on each other because were NOT. I understand it’s not normal to love 5 people but were all dating each other and nobody else and nothing anyone says will change that.” and describing family conflict and abuse in “So today my mom threatened to break the watch my grandma got my Dad and I don’t like my dad because he hits me to but that’s to far. I ended up having to get my little siblings ready and dressed for school while mom and dad were screaming arguing and I hate them so much”. Finally, they come off as Perceiving (P): their life looks spontaneous, reactive, and unstructured (impromptu hangouts and chaotic plans like “I’ve been at my gf’s house for 4 days and so much has happened…” and casual, in‑the‑moment complaints such as “I’m gonna kill myselfff I hate school ugh”), with little evidence of rigid planning or orderly routines. Altogether, a warm, emotional, chaotic, people‑focused online presence fits ENFP best.

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Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
High schooler with a prosthetic arm, 5 chaotic partners & a talent for attracting drama. Once hosted a call so big half of us fell asleep mid‑rant.– @r0tt3n_vampirez

Your signature cocktail
The blackberry vodka is a bold, moody base for their goth, slightly chaotic vibe and the way they casually say things like “Kill my parents” and “I’m gonna kill myselfff I hate school ugh”, capturing that dark humor and intensity. Blood orange juice adds a sharp, bittersweet hit for the mix of real pain and bright moments, like staying home from school to escape bullying and visit partners in “I’m so glad I got to stay home today from school…”. Elderflower liqueur brings a soft, floral sweetness that represents how much love they have for their queer polycule in tweets like “I love my partners so much I love them so so so so much…” and “I love my friend group so much.”. Activated charcoal & edible glitter make it dark and sparkly at once, mirroring the spooky-silly aesthetic of stuff like “Gay people am I right🙄🙄” and the chaotic group calls in “I’m on call with so many people right now…”. The lemon zest heart garnish is a bright, sharp little symbol of their resilience and loud affection for their partners lying on their lap in “I love my partners so much… I have one of them sleeping on my lap rn” and all the posts where they say they miss their husbands, wives, and girlfriends.

Your Hogwarts House
Their defining trait is intense loyalty to partners and friends. They repeatedly express deep affection and commitment, like when they say “I love my friend group so much. I don’t know how I was even able to get so lucky and be able to meet these people. I love Maxx, Hope, Fae, Magical, and Roe so much…” and “I love my partners so much I love them so so so so much I have one of them sleeping on my lap rn”. They defend their polycule and insist on fairness and being understood, as in “Can people stop saying me and all my partners are cheating on each other because were NOT… we’re all dating each other and nobody else and nothing anyone says will change that.”. They also show caretaking and reliability under stress, for example taking over for their parents during a fight: “I ended up having to get my little siblings ready and dressed for school while mom and dad were screaming arguing and I hate them so much”. Even when jokingly threatening or arguing online, the throughline is protectiveness of those they care about, such as “RUBY IMA BEAT YO ASS IF YOU TEXT ME OR MAGICAL OR MAXX OR FAE OR HOPE OR ROE OR DANI AGAIN ISTG.”. Taken together, the loyalty, protectiveness, and willingness to shoulder emotional burdens for loved ones align most strongly with Hufflepuff.

Your movie

Your song
A fitting song for Rowan is Trauma by mxmtoon, because it mixes dark experiences with an online, emotionally intense teen life. Rowan talks about family abuse and chaos at home, like when they wrote “So today my mom threatened to break the watch my grandma got my Dad and I don’t like my dad because he hits me to but that’s to far.” and “Kill my parents”, which matches the song’s themes of hurt and complicated family pain. Their timeline is also full of depression and self-hatred, such as “I’m gonna kill myselfff I hate school ugh”, and their low BMI/gw in their bio points to ongoing struggle with their body and mental health. At the same time, Rowan leans heavily on friends and partners for comfort, posting things like “I love my friend group so much. I don’t know how I was even able to get so lucky…” and “I love my partners so much I love them so so so so much…”, which echoes the bittersweet, vulnerable way Trauma talks about surviving with the help of others. The balance of online in-jokes, queer relationships, and very real trauma in Rowan’s tweets lines up closely with mxmtoon’s confessional, internet-age style and the emotional arc of this song.

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