Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
- Resourceful: He maximizes savings by “playing mcdonalds monopoly on 3 accounts” to get $80 of free food.
- Animal Lover: He is a devoted cat owner who frequently posts about “lil bro” and his “personal space” struggles.
- Humorous Skepticism: He mocks internet trends like “pro ai blue check” engagement bait with sharp wit.
- Creative Maker: He explores diverse hobbies from “wood burning” for family to DIY “paper mache” projects.
- Culinary Curiosity: He constantly experiments in the kitchen, whether using a “new wok” or a “food dehydrator”.
Weaknesses:
- Impulsive Buyer: He regrets purchases like a “12 pack” of drinks he never tried or a “$30 dehydrator”.
- Poor Domestic Pacing: He lived in an apartment for “over 3 years with no couch” before finally furnishing it.
- Inattentive Cook: He admits he “can't make anything with out burning it” at least a little bit.
- Erratic Diet: He relies on “coworker lunch” and eating ten “chipotle bowls” over a single week.
- Nocturnal Habits: He frequently prepares food or conducts experiments at “1am”, disrupting a normal schedule.
Your Simpsons character
Bart Simpson
Eli embodies the chaotic, mischievous energy of Bart Simpson, characterized by a diet of 'slop' and a penchant for lighthearted pranks. Much like Bart, he finds humor in the bizarre, such as posting about the “penis explosion chamber” or admitting to a “humiliation ritual” involving his old videos. His apartment living and culinary experiments mirror Bart’s bachelor-like independence, especially when he celebrates finding “mysterious liquid” or admits that “I can't make anything with out burning it just a little”. Ultimately, Eli’s self-described “completely sane and normal” bio is a sarcastic mask for a personality that thrives on the same brand of irreverent, internet-age mischief that defines modern interpretations of The Simpsons’ favorite troublemaker.
Your MBTI personality Type
INTP
Eli exhibits strong Introversion through their focus on solitary home life with their cat and their comment on “how am i supposed to go to work every morning when i'm leaving behind this guy”. Their Intuition is seen in their dry, absurdist humor and meta-commentary on internet culture, such as mocking “pro ai blue check” engagement bait. A Thinking preference is evident in their blunt, logical critiques of platforms like “spotify” and the “game awards”. Finally, Eli’s Perceiving nature is highlighted by a spontaneous, unorganized lifestyle, admitted in tweets about living “in this apartment for over 3 years with no couch” and eating “1am twister toast”.
Some pickup lines for you
- I promise I’m more than just 'mysterious liquid'—how about we go out and you can decide if I'm your best investment since that $30 dehydrator?
- Are you a Mario Sunshine speedrun? Because you’ve got me looking for a shortcut straight to your heart.
- I’m not saying I’m the 'creature,' but I’m definitely willing to fight your mouse cursor for a little bit of your personal space.
- If you let me be your 'coworker' for dinner, I promise I won't block you for using boxed curry roux or putting soy sauce in the Brita.
- I might not be an $80 pile of free McDonald's breakfast sandwiches, but I'd still like to think I'm the prize at the end of your monopoly board.
Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
Professional video editor and wood-burning enthusiast based in OK. I once played Unreal Tournament for 3 hours for a grade and my cat thinks he's the boss of me.– @rats7
Your signature cocktail
The Intrusive Thought Liquid
This experimental concoction is designed for someone who is “completely sane and normal,” yet occasionally decides to “let the intrusive thoughts win.” The drink is intentionally a bit charred to match the creator's culinary style, as they “can't make anything with out burning it just a little.” It serves as the ultimate “humiliation ritual” for your tastebuds, ideally enjoyed while sitting on a couch that took “over 3 years” to order. Just be careful not to spill it on the computer, even if your cat thinks “the mouse cursor is his enemy.”
Your Hogwarts House
Hufflepuff
Eli demonstrates the Hufflepuff virtues of patience, hard work, and a profound appreciation for the simple comforts of home and companionship. He shows remarkable dedication to a three-year living situation without furniture, eventually putting in the manual labor to assemble his own, noting, “i ordered one and put it together yesterday and got a rug and coffee table to go with it”. His loyalty is centered on his cat, whom he treats with king-like devotion, often tweeting sentiments like “he lives like a king” or “how am i supposed to go to work every morning when i'm leaving behind this guy”. Furthermore, his affinity for domestic crafts and culinary experimentation—ranging from “wood burning i did for family” to mastering a “$30 dehydrator”—solidifies his place in the house of the hardworking and grounded.
Your movie
Your song
Ordinary Guy - Joe Bataan
Despite his bio claiming he is “completely sane and normal”, Eli’s life is a humorous collection of mundane bachelorhood and domestic chaos that perfectly fits a song about an everyday person. He documents a relatable, low-stakes existence filled with “coworker lunch at my coworker desk” and the simple joy of finally buying a couch after living in an apartment for “over 3 years”. Much of his content revolves around being an ordinary cat dad, frequently posting about his pet who “doesnt understand the concept of personal space”. His self-deprecating humor regarding his lack of culinary skills, such as admitting he “can't make anything with out burning it just a little”, reinforces the image of a well-meaning, regular guy navigating the modern world. Ultimately, the song captures the essence of his feed: a charmingly average life defined by gaming, internet culture, and his “creature” of a cat.
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