
Strengths and Weaknesses

Your Simpsons character
Like Jeff Albertson, this user is a cynical, high-brow gatekeeper who views most media as "dogshit" and frequently engages in pedantic debates about power-scaling and niche hobbies. They express a deep elitism regarding art and music, complaining that “most people are so used to experiencing utter dogshit that they think anyone doing the bare minimum is jesus reborn”. Their feed is a collection of hyper-specific critiques on MMA, Pokémon mechanics, and comic history, such as claiming “Liefeld not only is dogshit at drawing but he also has dogshit ball knowledge”. Ultimately, their self-aware admission “i might be an elitist” perfectly mirrors the Worst. Episode. Ever. attitude of Springfield’s resident critic.

Your MBTI personality Type
Canas exhibits Introversion (I) through a preference for solitary digital hobbies like “coding” and niche media consumption, often expressing disdain for mainstream social trends. Their Intuition (N) is evident in their tendency to analyze underlying patterns in power-scaling, sports narratives, or political frameworks, dismissively noting that “sports are soap operas p much”. A strong Thinking (T) preference is shown through a blunt, often abrasive communication style that prioritizes logical consistency over social harmony, such as calling a post “the dumbest argument ever” or critiquing a graph's lack of a clear “régua”. Finally, their Perceiving (P) trait is highlighted by a spontaneous, unfiltered stream of consciousness across various interests and a self-admitted lack of organization, exemplified when they “esqueci de fazer isso e lembrei 10 dias dps”.

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Your new Twitter bio
From Morumbi to the Octagon. SPFC devotee and MMA analyst with a penchant for classic literature, 200GB of offline music, and calling out bad takes on your feed.– @regretmessenger

Your signature cocktail
This cocktail is as complex and aggressive as a São Paulo fan threatening to shoot the squad if they don't win. It’s a bitter, high-proof drink that scorns anything superficial, because “People who interact with things superficially but claim they love it should be burned alive”. The base is aged and unyielding, much like the user's stance that “bully envelheceu q nem banana no sol”, while the spicy kick reflects a deep disdain for poor quality, specifically that “comida japonesa eh uma bosta e 90% dk país ainda por cima só come sushi de péssima qualidade”. It’s an unapologetically elitist serve for someone who admits, “i might be an elitist”, mixing MMA-level intensity with the soul of a miserable indie-rock fan.

Your Hogwarts House
Regretmessenger displays a sharp, elitist attitude that prioritizes personal taste and disdain for "superficial" fans, a hallmark of Slytherin's preference for exclusivity. He frequently engages in gatekeeping, stating that “People who interact with things superficially but claim they love it should be burned alive” and openly admitting, “i might be an elitist”. His resourcefulness and ambition are reflected in his music habits, having “downloaded like 200 gbs of music 3 years ago” to curate his own experience, as well as his intense loyalty to specific "GOATs" like Rogério Ceni or Merab Dvalishvili. Furthermore, his blunt, often ruthless commentary on politics and sports—such as hoping for “Jon jones getting irreparable brain damage”—reveals a cunning edge and a lack of Hufflepuff-style diplomacy.

Your movie

Your song
This song perfectly encapsulates @regretmessenger's identity as a self-aware, elitist indie fan who is perpetually frustrated by modern culture. Their deep connection to the band is evident when they lament, “todo dia eu me lembro q eu nunca vou ver um show do the smiths ao vivo pq o morrissey eh racista e de direita e eu quero me matar”, yet they still consider the self-titled album a rare “5 star album”. Like the song's directive to 'burn down the disco' because the music says nothing about their life, they frequently attack popular and superficial media, stating “People who interact with things superficially but claim they love it should be burned alive”. Ultimately, their blend of leftist politics, musical gatekeeping, and dramatic misery makes this classic anthem of disgruntled youth their definitive theme.

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regretmessenger
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