Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
- Niche expertise: Demonstrates deep knowledge of Pokémon competitive mechanics and hazard control in tweets like “Nobody ever said beedril is bad bc hes too minmmaxed”.
- Cultural discernment: Critiques media depth and consumerism, noting that most people are “used to experiencing utter dogshit” and accept the bare minimum.
- Strong loyalty: Shows unwavering devotion to his football club, declaring that “venero e adoro o rogerio ceni” will be his hero until death.
- Intellectual honesty: Willing to admit his own ideological circles have flaws, stating “leftists can be dicks dude” and acknowledging his own elitism.
- Broad literacy: References a wide range of media from Crime and Punishment and Watchmen to MMA analytics and music history.
Weaknesses:
- Hyperbolic aggression: Frequently uses extreme violent rhetoric over trivial matters, such as “se n ganhar isso eh papo de atirar no elenco todo”.
- Elitist gatekeeping: Openly admits to being an “elitist” and mocks those who enjoy media through non-traditional formats like YouTube shorts.
- Aggressive xenophobia: Expresses intense, blanket hatred for specific cultures and cuisines, explicitly stating “odeio o Japão odeio os japoneses”.
- Self-destructive tendencies: Repeatedly jokes about suicide regarding sports results, claiming “se o spfc for rebaixado eu me mato”.
- Inflexible opinions: Displays a refusal to engage with different eras or tastes, dismissing older legends like “Galactus and Darkseid are so 1980”.
Your Simpsons character
Comic Book Guy
Like Jeff Albertson, this user is a cynical, high-brow gatekeeper who views most media as "dogshit" and frequently engages in pedantic debates about power-scaling and niche hobbies. They express a deep elitism regarding art and music, complaining that “most people are so used to experiencing utter dogshit that they think anyone doing the bare minimum is jesus reborn”. Their feed is a collection of hyper-specific critiques on MMA, Pokémon mechanics, and comic history, such as claiming “Liefeld not only is dogshit at drawing but he also has dogshit ball knowledge”. Ultimately, their self-aware admission “i might be an elitist” perfectly mirrors the Worst. Episode. Ever. attitude of Springfield’s resident critic.
Your MBTI personality Type
INTP
Canas exhibits Introversion (I) through a preference for solitary digital hobbies like “coding” and niche media consumption, often expressing disdain for mainstream social trends. Their Intuition (N) is evident in their tendency to analyze underlying patterns in power-scaling, sports narratives, or political frameworks, dismissively noting that “sports are soap operas p much”. A strong Thinking (T) preference is shown through a blunt, often abrasive communication style that prioritizes logical consistency over social harmony, such as calling a post “the dumbest argument ever” or critiquing a graph's lack of a clear “régua”. Finally, their Perceiving (P) trait is highlighted by a spontaneous, unfiltered stream of consciousness across various interests and a self-admitted lack of organization, exemplified when they “esqueci de fazer isso e lembrei 10 dias dps”.
Some pickup lines for you
- Are you the Morumbi on a match day? Because I’m ready to pledge my soul to you for a SPFC hat-trick.
- I promise I’m more threatening than a Beedrill and I’ll never leave you weak to Stealth Rock.
- I’d never interact with you superficially—I’ve actually read the 'plot' section of your Wikipedia and I’m ready to commit to the full 400-page version.
- I might not be Stalin, but I could definitely be the GOAT of your heart—no ‘delivery de merda auditiva’ promised.
- Is your name Jon Jones? Because I’d risk irreparable brain damage just for a chance to get in the octagon with you.
Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
From Morumbi to the Octagon. SPFC devotee and MMA analyst with a penchant for classic literature, 200GB of offline music, and calling out bad takes on your feed.– @regretmessenger
Your signature cocktail
The Morumbi Elitist
This cocktail is as complex and aggressive as a São Paulo fan threatening to shoot the squad if they don't win. It’s a bitter, high-proof drink that scorns anything superficial, because “People who interact with things superficially but claim they love it should be burned alive”. The base is aged and unyielding, much like the user's stance that “bully envelheceu q nem banana no sol”, while the spicy kick reflects a deep disdain for poor quality, specifically that “comida japonesa eh uma bosta e 90% dk país ainda por cima só come sushi de péssima qualidade”. It’s an unapologetically elitist serve for someone who admits, “i might be an elitist”, mixing MMA-level intensity with the soul of a miserable indie-rock fan.
Your Hogwarts House
Slytherin
Regretmessenger displays a sharp, elitist attitude that prioritizes personal taste and disdain for "superficial" fans, a hallmark of Slytherin's preference for exclusivity. He frequently engages in gatekeeping, stating that “People who interact with things superficially but claim they love it should be burned alive” and openly admitting, “i might be an elitist”. His resourcefulness and ambition are reflected in his music habits, having “downloaded like 200 gbs of music 3 years ago” to curate his own experience, as well as his intense loyalty to specific "GOATs" like Rogério Ceni or Merab Dvalishvili. Furthermore, his blunt, often ruthless commentary on politics and sports—such as hoping for “Jon jones getting irreparable brain damage”—reveals a cunning edge and a lack of Hufflepuff-style diplomacy.
Your movie
Your song
Panic - The Smiths
This song perfectly encapsulates @regretmessenger's identity as a self-aware, elitist indie fan who is perpetually frustrated by modern culture. Their deep connection to the band is evident when they lament, “todo dia eu me lembro q eu nunca vou ver um show do the smiths ao vivo pq o morrissey eh racista e de direita e eu quero me matar”, yet they still consider the self-titled album a rare “5 star album”. Like the song's directive to 'burn down the disco' because the music says nothing about their life, they frequently attack popular and superficial media, stating “People who interact with things superficially but claim they love it should be burned alive”. Ultimately, their blend of leftist politics, musical gatekeeping, and dramatic misery makes this classic anthem of disgruntled youth their definitive theme.
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