Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
- Passionate fan: Shows intense, sustained enthusiasm for Heated Rivalry, Huddy, Harry Styles, and hockey gays, e.g. “Eu estava obcecada passava 80% do meu tempo falando sobre heated rivalry…” and “fevereiro tem aniversário do harry styles, huddy, connor…”.
- Emotionally expressive: Openly shares joy, sadness, anxiety, and affection, like “tô sorrindo igual uma idiota desde que acordei obrigada connor obrigada françois” and “eu não tô bem não”.
- Self-aware: Recognizes own obsession and mental health struggles, e.g. “pensando aqui se minha terapeuta vai ficar feliz ou preocupada quando descobrir que agora eu sou obcecada por livros de gays jogadores de hóquei” and “eu odeio tanto que meu cérebro simplesmente me condiciona a me sentir miserável e triste e depressiva.”.
- Playful humor: Uses jokes, innuendo, and memes to interact, like “menino me deu uma vontade de ajoelhar agora” and “me joga na parede e me chama de lagartixa”.
- Supportive admirer: Talks about protecting and being proud of idols and characters, e.g. “Quero guardar vocês dois num potinho e proteger contra todo o mal” and “eu te amo e vou te proteger meu sonhozinho de padaria”.
Weaknesses:
- Emotional volatility: Mood shifts quickly between excitement and despair, like “hoje ninguém vai estragar meu diaaaaa” contrasted with “eu não tô bem não” and “eu odeio tanto que meu cérebro simplesmente me condiciona a me sentir miserável e triste e depressiva.”.
- Obsessive focus: Acknowledges extreme fixation on fandom to the point of overshadowing other things, e.g. “Eu estava obcecada passava 80% do meu tempo falando sobre heated rivalry…” and “posso sofrer uma concussão e não esqueço sobre meus gays do hóquei”.
- Sexual impulsivity: Frequently posts very explicit thirst comments, like “nunca tive tanta inveja da poha de uma banana” and “menino me deu uma vontade de ajoelhar agora”.
- Negative self-talk: Describes self harshly, e.g. “tô sorrindo igual uma idiota”, “Eu não tô bem não”, and frustration at own brain in “eu odeio tanto que meu cérebro simplesmente me condiciona a me sentir miserável”.
- Sleep neglect: Admits staying up despite insomnia and AO3, e.g. “mds que insônia do inferno” and “ao3 não tá me deixando largar o celular e ir dormir”.
Your Simpsons character
Lisa Simpson
This user feels most like Lisa Simpson: emotionally intense, very online-smart, self-analytical, and juggling anxiety with a desire to improve themselves. They talk openly about therapy and mental health, like in “eu odeio tanto que meu cérebro simplesmente me condiciona a me sentir miserável e triste e depressiva. tipo, cara, eu tô fazendo minha parte, remédio, terapia, atividade física que eu odeio, o que mais você quer de mim?” and joke about unloading all of this on their psychologist in “minha psicóloga que me aguarde amanhã pq ela vai passar 1 hora me ouvindo falar de heated rivalry em detalhes”, which fits Lisa’s introspective, therapy-core vibe. Like Lisa with her obsessive interests (sax, causes, books), this user hyperfixates on fandoms and media, saying things like “Eu estava obcecada passava 80% do meu tempo falando sobre heated rivalry e nos outros 20% eu via heated rivalry em todas os lugares” and “pensando aqui se minha terapeuta vai ficar feliz ou preocupada quando descobrir que agora eu sou obcecada por livros de gays jogadores de hóquei e atores que interpretam gays jogadores de hóquei”. Their mix of book/fic reading, emotional intensity, sarcasm, and feeling misunderstood by others online, as when they complain “como tem gente ainda no tt que não entende o conceito de ser sarcástico”, matches Lisa’s blend of precocious intellect and frustration with the world. Even their determination to drag themselves to the gym despite hating it, like in “vamos pra academia pq eu que pago e não tenho um sugar daddy pra me bancar”, has Lisa’s energy of doing the hard, responsible thing while complaining wryly about it.
Your MBTI personality Type
ENFP
They lean Extraverted (E): their timeline is highly outward‑focused, constantly interacting with fandoms, brands, and mutuals, e.g. joking about talking to their “famous friend” “eu amo ficar conversando com minha amiga famosa @SalonLineBrasil” and loudly oversharing about therapy and the gym “minha psicóloga que me aguarde amanhã pq ela vai passar 1 hora me ouvindo falar de heated rivalry”, “vamos pra academia pq eu que pago e não tenho um sugar daddy pra me bancar”. Their style is strongly Intuitive (N): they obsess over fictional dynamics (Heated Rivalry, ships, fanfic) and spin playful interpretations from small things, like imagining characters having to sleep cuddled due to a small bed “que cama pequenininha, acho que devem ter que dormir agarradin, de conchinha” and thinking about how their therapist will react to their new niche obsession “pensando aqui se minha terapeuta vai ficar feliz ou preocupada quando descobrir que agora eu sou obcecada por livros de gays jogadores de hóquei”. They read as clearly Feeling (F): their posts are full of affection and emotional intensity—calling people “meu solzinho” and “meu pãozinho” “tô sorrindo igual uma idiota desde que acordei obrigada connor obrigada françois”, “o menino literalmente conhecendo o primeiro ministro do país dele, tô tão orgulhosa de você meu pãozinho”—and they openly share mental health struggles in a vulnerable, non-detached way “eu odeio tanto que meu cérebro simplesmente me condiciona a me sentir miserável… eu tô fazendo minha parte, remédio, terapia, atividade física que eu odeio, o que mais você quer de mim?”. Finally, they come across as Perceiving (P): their days are driven by impulses (sudden fic marathons “ao3 não tá me deixando largar o celular e ir dormir”), emotional swings about fandom events “EU FUI TIRAR UM COCHILO E AGORA HUDSON WILLIAMS ESTA TENTANDO ME MTAR”, and joking about going into an exam anxious and unprepared “vou fazer uma prova de concurso hoje e não sei se passo mal, choro, tenho uma crise de ansiedade ou as três opções anteriores” rather than emphasizing structure or long‑range planning. The combination of highly social, expressive energy (E), imaginative fandom focus (N), emotionally charged language (F), and spontaneous, reactive lifestyle (P) best fits ENFP.
Some pickup lines for you
- So, if you’re spending 80% of your time talking about Heated Rivalry and the other 20% seeing it everywhere… how much do I need to flirt with you for us to become your third obsession on the ice?
- You said your motivation to go to the gym is ‘if pregnant Shane can do it, so can I’—wanna upgrade that to ‘if we can both survive a François Instagram threat post, we can survive leg day together’?
- You open Twitter in public and suddenly it’s Shane and Ilya making out at 10 a.m.—how about next time it’s just me and you, coffee at 10 a.m., no jump scares, only soft rivals-to-lovers energy?
- You’re out here asking if there’s any psychologist around, meanwhile your own tweet said you’ll spend an hour trauma-dumping Heated Rivalry on your therapist… if you ever want an emotional support human who already knows the lore, I’m available.
- You said your brain keeps you feeling miserable even with meds, therapy and workouts—yet you still call Harry, Huddy, Connor, François and your ‘pais’ beautiful and protect them like little ‘pãozinhos’. Someone who loves that fiercely deserves a rival who doesn’t just fight them… but fights for them. Can I apply?
Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
Canadian hockey-romance enthusiast, AO3 night reader, gym out of spite. Once explained Heated Rivalry to my therapist for a full 60 minutes.– @seductionilya
Your signature cocktail
Heated Rival-Tea at the Cottage
This cocktail is strong and a little unhinged, just like someone who admits “Eu estava obcecada passava 80% do meu tempo falando sobre heated rivalry” “Eu estava obcecada passava 80% do meu tempo falando sobre heated rivalry e nos outros 20% eu via heated rivalry em todas os lugares”. The spicy cinnamon whisky channels the chaotic, horny energy of “getting shane hollander pregnant all day everyday” “getting shane hollander pregnant all day everyday” and “me joga na parede e me chama de lagartixa” “me joga na parede e me chama de lagartixa”. Crème de cassis adds a dark, dramatic sweetness for the melodramatic fangirl moments like “ta vendo aquilo ali no chão? são os pedacinhos do meu coração” “ta vendo aquilo ali no chão? são os pedacinhos do meu coração” and the devotion in “I love you so freaking much” “I love you so freaking much”. The cold-brew black tea nods to the late-night fic marathons and AO3 spirals in “ao3 não tá me deixando largar o celular e ir dormir” “ao3 não tá me deixando largar o celular e ir dormir” and the insomnia of “mds que insônia do inferno” “mds que insônia do inferno”. Honey syrup softens the blow, representing the vulnerable side behind the jokes in “eu odeio tanto que meu cérebro simplesmente me condiciona a me sentir miserável e triste e depressiva” “eu odeio tanto que meu cérebro simplesmente me condiciona a me sentir miserável e triste e depressiva. tipo, cara, eu tô fazendo minha parte, remédio, terapia, atividade física que eu odeio, o que mais você quer de mim?” and the self-care of “vamos pra academia pq eu que pago e não tenho um sugar daddy pra me bancar” “vamos pra academia pq eu que pago e não tenho um sugar daddy pra me bancar”. Finally, the edible glitter is for the dramatic fangirl flair that screams “HUDSON VC QUER ME MATAR PQ TA BOM VC CONSEGUIU” “HUDSON VC QUER ME MATAR PQ TA BOM VC CONSEGUIU” and the over-the-top joy of “tô sorrindo igual uma idiota desde que acordei obrigada connor obrigada françois” “tô sorrindo igual uma idiota desde que acordei obrigada connor obrigada françois”.
Your Hogwarts House
Hufflepuff
Effy shows strong Hufflepuff traits of loyalty, emotional warmth, and steady effort. Their deep, consistent attachment to their faves is very Hufflepuff-like: they talk about being “obcecada” and constantly thinking about Heated Rivalry in “Eu estava obcecada passava 80% do meu tempo falando sobre heated rivalry…” and lovingly calling people “meu pãozinho” and wanting to protect them in “Quero guardar vocês dois num potinho e proteger contra todo o mal” and “eu te amo e vou te proteger meu sonhozinho de padaria”. They also show a very Hufflepuff sense of perseverance and everyday hard work: they drag themself to the gym despite hating it in “vamos pra academia pq eu que pago e não tenho um sugar daddy pra me bancar” and explicitly list meds, therapy, and exercise in “eu tô fazendo minha parte, remédio, terapia, atividade física que eu odeio, o que mais você quer de mim?”. Their affection is inclusive and gentle—calling celebs “meu solzinho” and “meu pãozinho,” and wishing others good days and nights in tweets like “fiquem com deus connor storrie pra iluminar a madrugada de vcs até amanhã” and “e com isso boa noite meus anjos” shows kindness and warmth over status or edge. While they have some impulsive fangirl energy, it expresses itself more as devotion, protectiveness, and endurance than as Gryffindor-style bravado or Slytherin ambition, making Hufflepuff the best fit.
Your movie
Your song
Obsessed - Mariah Carey
The song Obsessed fits them because so much of their timeline is about being hilariously and unapologetically fixated on fictional hockey gays and their actors, like when they say “Eu estava obcecada passava 80% do meu tempo falando sobre heated rivalry e nos outros 20% eu via heated rivalry em todas os lugares”. The playful, dramatic energy of the song’s narrator mirrors their tone when they react to content with lines such as “EU FUI TIRAR UM COCHILO E AGORA HUDSON WILLIAMS ESTA TENTANDO ME MTAR” and “a hora do meu funeral vai ser postada em breve é isso glr flw”. They lean into thirst and exaggeration in a way that matches the song’s over-the-top vibe, as seen in tweets like “me joga na parede e me chama de lagartixa” and “nunca tive tanta inveja da poha de uma banana”. Even when they’re tired or struggling, they still frame things with humor and a bit of diva drama, for example “eu odeio tanto que meu cérebro simplesmente me condiciona a me sentir miserável e triste e depressiva… o que mais você quer de mim?”, which echoes the exasperated, dramatic tone of Mariah’s lyrics. Overall, their mix of obsession, meme-y dramatics, and self-aware extra-ness aligns perfectly with the spirit of Obsessed.
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