
Strengths and Weaknesses

Your Simpsons character
This user most closely matches Bart Simpson, with a mix of mischief, sarcasm, and a tendency to push boundaries while still being social and playful. Like Bart, they’re constantly clowning on others and calling out “cowardice,” as in “Only people who follow can reply. Fucking coward.” and “Why did you turn off your replies coward?”. Their timeline is full of juvenile but sharp humor about work, school, and bodily functions, such as “Being a Good Guy™️ last night by filling and running the dishwasher then waking up to this shit in my clogged toilet” and “The shit that has been brewing for 2 days hitting while you’re at the thrift”. They also show a chaotic, prankish side in social and online life, like “going to a tropical island to rage bait and scroll all day” and mocking others in sports/politics as in “Bill O’Brien, you are a terrorist!”. Under the sarcasm, there’s a hint of real feeling and camaraderie—e.g., “Never kill yourself #timcore” and joking about friends and roommates—which fits Bart’s mix of rebelliousness and underlying loyalty.

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Data nerd, fantasy sports addict, and thrift-store scout. Once drove an hour to a restaurant 15 minutes away and still insist I’m good with directions.– @shoota3coward

Your signature cocktail
The Rage-Bait High Life starts with a Miller High Life base, a nod to him “walking through boston at night alone with a miller high life in hand”, because underneath the chaos he’s just a dude with a cheap beer and a long walk home. A double shot of overproof rum captures the extra-strong, unfiltered energy of tweets like “SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO LOOK AT THE REPLIES OF MY POST” and calling people cowards for locking replies in “Only people who follow can reply. Fucking coward.”. A dash of bitter amaro reflects the exhausted, darkly funny grind of work, school, and life, like “another long day at the long day factory” and losing money or time at poker and commutes. The spicy chili tincture represents the sharp, sometimes vicious edge in lines like “You are a coward who is afraid to hold females accountable for their actions.” and ranting about suicidal sidewalk blockers on the way to Fenway in “missed the train because every suicidal obese white woman in the new england area was walking to fenway 5 across on the sidewalk”. Finally, a drizzle of Popeyes-honey-style simple syrup adds just enough sweetness to show that under all the rage and sarcasm there’s a guy who sprints for fried chicken in “how i was moving to get to popeyes before they stopped taking online orders” and loves goofy, joyful moments like “having a jolly overdose rn, I am Santa’s strongest soldier”.

Your Hogwarts House
This account shows a strong Gryffindor profile: outspoken, confrontational, and eager to call out perceived cowardice. They repeatedly attack people for limiting or blocking replies, e.g. mocking reply restrictions as a “Cowards move” in “'...so replies only available for those I follow.' Cowards move.” and demanding accountability with “Why did you turn off your replies coward?”, which fits Gryffindor’s tendency to valorize open conflict and ‘bravery’ in discourse. Their willingness to use harsh language to defend a position, such as “if some fucking bitch forced me to shoot to save my own life, I'd call her a fucking bitch too.” and “You are a coward who is afraid to hold females accountable for their actions.”, suggests impulsive, combative courage more than calculated Slytherin cunning. Even in mundane contexts, they frame life in terms of struggle and pushing through—working long hours and still joking about it in posts like “another long day at the long day factory” and grinding through a tough academic schedule in “Me 8 months ago signing up for the year long rape and torture class instead of taking two jerk off electives”. Overall, the dominant traits are boldness, a taste for direct confrontation, and pride in not backing down—classic Gryffindor energy rather than the patience of Hufflepuff, the cerebral detachment of Ravenclaw, or the calculated ambition of Slytherin.

Your movie

Your song
A fitting song for @shoota3coward is “Mr. Brightside” because it captures the mix of self-aware chaos, dark humor, and underlying emotion that shows up across their timeline. They’re constantly narrating minor-life-disasters with an over-the-top, dramatic lens, like “power bi crash wiped out the last week of work on my final project minutes before presenting it” and “Drove an hour one way to go to a restaurant and store that are fifteen minutes from the house”. The song’s anxious, spiraling energy mirrors how they talk about school, work, and fantasy football meltdown moments such as “How it feels making the wrong lineup decisions every single week” and “every single one of my teams are dog shit”. There’s also a theatrical, bit-heavy performative side—seen in tweets like “having a jolly overdose rn, I am Santa’s strongest soldier” and “going to a tropical island to rage bait and scroll all day”—that lines up with the song’s melodramatic, cinematic storytelling. And under the cynicism and aggression (for example, “Only people who follow can reply. Fucking coward.”), there’s a sense of wanting connection and release that fits the cathartic, shout-along nature of Mr. Brightside.

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shoota3coward
green: confident, yellow: guess, red: uncertain
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