Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
- Passionate fan: Consistently expresses intense enthusiasm for hockey players and teams, e.g. “BEST FUCKING DAY OF MY LIFE” and repeated Bo/Jo/Gabe/Nate tweets.
- Supportive friend: Talks about oomfs and promotes others, e.g. priv promo “lat priv promo of the month bc i can .@whoreforhorvat” and reminiscing with oomf “reminiscing with oomf and now you all get too as well”.
- Humorous commentator: Uses vivid, funny descriptions like “he’s like if a muppet wished to become a human” and “nathan mackinnon is sweating”.
- Emotionally open: Shares feelings very directly, from joy to frustration, e.g. “handling this well” about stress and “if poulin is dead i’ll kms” about worry.
- Creative fanworker: Makes edits and compilations like “isles win but i was making a baldgate dragpath edit” and “mikkojo compilation bc i felt like it”.
Weaknesses:
- Impulsive language: Uses extreme phrasing that could be taken literally, e.g. “if poulin is dead i’ll kms” and “if their seasons were back to back i would have shot myself”.
- Harsh expressions: Insults even when meant jokingly, like calling a player “you big blonde bitch” and saying “anthony and benedict have no brains”.
- Obsessive attachment: Centers life heavily around specific players and bands, e.g. bio “jonathan drouin defender || nathan mackinnon's pr manager” and “oasis brain worm is so bad i’m taking about them like they are my personal friends”.
- Self‑destructive jokes: Frequent joking references to harm, such as “did 18 lines of coke” and hyperbolic threats of self-harm in reaction to sports outcomes.
- Conflict‑avoidant: Hints at wanting to say more but holding back publicly, e.g. “i can’t say what i want to here. but i can on priv. just know.”, suggesting difficulty addressing issues openly on main.
Your Simpsons character
Lisa Simpson
They read as a passionate, hyper-focused nerd about their special interests in a very Lisa-like way—subbing in hockey and Oasis for jazz and philosophy. Their timeline is full of intense, almost academic devotion to specific players and teams, like calling themselves a “jonathan drouin defender” in their bio and posting things like “bro fuck the colorado avalanche. we gotta start fresh.” and “people hating nate for being a competitive bastard but they love sid? baby sid is the reason nate is the way he is. those are twins”, which shows analytical, opinionated energy. They’re also emotionally earnest and dramatic in a way that feels like teenage/young-adult Lisa, for example “if poulin is dead i’ll kms” and “BEST FUCKING DAY OF MY LIFE”. The way they mix heartfelt support with jokes and memes—like “can avs take notes on women’s team canada pp bc wow they are scoring” and “oasis brain worm is so bad i’m taking about them like they are my personal friends”—fits Lisa’s combination of sincere caring and slightly dorky overinvestment. Overall, they feel like a modern, hockey-and-music-obsessed Lisa Simpson: smart, emotional, niche-obsessed, and very online.
Your MBTI personality Type
ENFP
They lean Extrovert: they constantly interact with others, tag friends and players, and openly narrate their emotional reactions to games and fandom, e.g. “omg guys 5 whole followers thank you” and the very public enthusiasm in “BEST FUCKING DAY OF MY LIFE”. Their focus is strongly Intuitive: they spin jokes, metaphors, and exaggerated scenarios rather than sticking to concrete facts, like “he’s like if a muppet wished to become a human” and the mock trade in “UPCOMING TADE: MIKKO RANTANEN AND JONATHAN DROUIN TO THE OTTOWA CENTAURS”. They are clearly Feeling-oriented, prioritizing attachment and emotional expression over logical analysis, e.g. “if poulin is dead i’ll kms”, “love my wings but jo is my boy”, and the way they defend and adore players and bands. Their style is spontaneous and flexible, pointing to Perceiving: they jump from topic to topic (Oasis, hockey, their cat, Olympic rosters), make impulsive decisions like “i want to look at fish and there is no aquarium near by so meijer it is”, and joke about chaotic reactions such as “did 18 lines of coke” after exciting news. Taken together—high social energy, imaginative humor, emotional intensity, and a go-with-the-flow lifestyle—this profile best matches ENFP.
Some pickup lines for you
- So if you’re Jonathan Drouin’s defense attorney and Nathan MacKinnon’s PR manager, do you have room on your client list for one more disaster, or is that a full-time docket already?
- You said it’s always ‘who wants to be in a gc’ and never ‘who wants to fall in love’ — consider this my official application to be the first one to ask about falling in love (we can make the gc later).
- You went to Meijer just to look at fish because there’s no aquarium nearby — if that’s your bar for romance, I feel like taking you to an actual aquarium might qualify me for #ilovemywife status.
- As a noted Bo Horvat truther, Isles enjoyer, and Victoire win enthusiast, you clearly have great taste in captains — want to upgrade your roster with one more person who thinks ‘baldrouin’ is an elite username?
- You called Liam Gallagher tweeting “Okay” a sign of life and Jo being active on Instagram a miracle — what do I have to do to rank somewhere between ‘Okay’ and ‘Jesus was seen’ in your notifications?
Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
Hockey + Oasis enthusiast, part-time Bo Horvat alarm system. Once went to Meijer just to look at fish. Opinions my own, screaming mostly about the Avs.– @sidsmustache
Your signature cocktail
The Baldrouin Brain Worm
The high-proof rye whiskey is for their intense, slightly unhinged hockey devotion and competitive vibes, the kind of person who tweets “bro fuck the colorado avalanche. we gotta start fresh.” and “THATS MY CAPTAIN” in the same breath. Blackcurrant liqueur adds a sweet-but-dark streak, nodding to lines like “if poulin is dead i’ll kms” and “the girl who cried cannibal” in their bio—dramatic, but affectionate. The sparkling rosé is pure joy and fangirl shimmer, like “BEST FUCKING DAY OF MY LIFE” and “YAY”, giving the drink a celebratory, fizzy finish. A hit of espresso represents their hyper, up-all-night brain, stalking things from hockey clips to groundhogs, as in “me and cj up stalking a groundhog on facebook. long live staten island chuck” and surviving on pure fandom adrenaline. The edible glitter captures the chaotic Oasis-and-hockey brain rot—someone who says “oasis brain worm is so bad i’m taking about them like they are my personal friends” while also declaring “new pfp for olympics”, shining a little too bright in every timeline they touch.
Your Hogwarts House
Hufflepuff
Their timeline is dominated by intense loyalty to their faves and friends, which is very Hufflepuff-coded. They repeatedly refer to “my boy” and “my captain” about players, e.g. “love my wings but jo is my boy” and “THATS MY CAPTAIN”, showing steadfast attachment rather than detached analysis. They also put a lot of effort into fandom projects and edits purely for fun and for others, like “isles win but i was making a baldgate dragpath edit” and “mikrojo compilation bc i felt like it (lmk if i missed clips!!)”, which reflects hard work and a desire to share joy. Their excitement over mutuals and small milestones, such as “omg guys 5 whole followers thank you” and shouting out friends like “oomfchella with my fav!! @27LEV1”, highlights a community-oriented, kind personality. Even when they’re mad at teams, the tone is more protective and loyal than cutthroat or ambitious, fitting Hufflepuff more than the other houses.
Your movie
Your song
Live Forever - Oasis
The best-fitting song is Live Forever because their whole online vibe is intense, emotional fandom mixed with stubborn optimism and devotion, which mirrors the song’s defiant, heartfelt tone. They openly brand themselves around Oasis, as seen in their bio “oasis” and tweets like “will everyone be okay w me oasis posting” and “oasis brain worm is so bad i’m taking about them like they are my personal friends”. The song’s theme of wanting to feel everything deeply matches their dramatic, ride-or-die reactions to hockey and players, such as “BEST FUCKING DAY OF MY LIFE” and “if poulin is dead i’ll kms”. Their mix of humor and sincerity toward their faves, like “jonathan drouin defender || nathan mackinnon's pr manager” and “gabe speaking swedish is very important to me”, fits the song’s blend of swagger and genuine feeling. Overall, Live Forever captures their passionate, slightly unhinged but very loyal energy toward both Oasis and their beloved hockey players.
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