Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
- Affectionate: Frequently expresses love for friends, such as “I love yoy all very much” and “i love my oomfs”.
- Generous: Enjoys giving to others, offering “random song assigned to you” and taking “art requests”.
- Self-Aware: Reflects on personal growth, noting a shift from “struggle to care” to deeply caring about people.
- Artistic: Shows a passion for creativity by discussing “drawing on paper” and getting a “new sketchbook”.
- Honest: Openly shares vulnerabilities, admitting when they are “genuinely very suicidal” to explain their behavior.
Weaknesses:
- Self-Deprecating: Struggles with self-worth, describing their existence as an “annoying pest” that could “stain” others.
- Impulsive: Admits to extreme reactions, like having “tried to kill myself” over a minor online argument.
- Socially Anxious: Expresses fear regarding social interactions, such as “getting a little scared” about overwhelming others with tags.
- Violent Ideation: Uses aggressive imagery when frustrated, wishing they could “beat my clone with a beer bottle”.
- Conflict Avoidant: Deletes content to escape friction, stating “don't wanna deal with any arguments”.
Your Simpsons character
Milhouse Van Houten
Jake exhibits a nervous, socially anxious personality that mirrors Milhouse's constant desire for approval and frequent emotional outbursts. He describes himself as an “annoying pest” who feels his existence “stains” cool people, much like how Milhouse often feels inferior to Bart. His tweets oscillate between intense vulnerability—stating he is “genuinely very suicidal”—and erratic, childish humor like “pissing in water balloons”. Like the famously unlucky Simpsons character, Jake deals with niche phobias, specifically being “scared of eating soup”, and frequently documents his physical and social mishaps with self-deprecating honesty.
Your MBTI personality Type
INFP
Jake exhibits Introversion (I) through his intense self-reflection and stated difficulty with social interaction, noting “my existence feels like it would stain them” when thinking of others. His Intuition (N) is shown in his focus on abstract feelings and personal transformation, such as when he “genuinely do not understand how i went from 'i struggle to care about people... to 'i love everyone'”. He is a clear Feeling (F) type, driven by deep, often volatile emotions and a strong moral compass against those he deems harmful, like when he tells certain groups to “please leave me alone”. Finally, his Perceiving (P) nature is evident in his spontaneous, erratic tweeting style and his frequent indecision regarding projects, like his constant need to “remake my strawpage”.
Some pickup lines for you
- Are you a strawpage theme? Because even if you’re cutesy and pink, I’d never call you 'problematic'—I’d just think you’re hecking adorable.
- Are you a bunch of bananas? Because I honestly can’t stop myself from coming back for more.
- I promise I’m not like a bluecheck—I actually have love in my heart, and I’d never make your timeline unfunny.
- Is your name Alex G? Because whenever you're around, I feel like I'm listening to 'People' on repeat and finally understanding the rhythm.
- You don't need to be a clone for me to want to spend all my time with you—though I promise I’ll be way gentler than a beer bottle.
Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
16 | Artist. Occasional banana enthusiast. I’ve transitioned from a cynical worldview to caring about people deeply. For art requests or song assignments, ask away!– @soupbegone
Your signature cocktail
The Sentient Strawpage Spritz
This experimental cocktail captures Jake’s chaotic yet endearing 16-year-old energy. The clarified tomato base nods to his “i wanna drink tomato soup but im scared” trauma, while the banana liqueur reflects his manic “I CANF STOP EATING BANANQS” phase. To match his desired aesthetic of “cutesy and pink”, it’s topped with sparkling cider, though a dash of bitters represents his frequent intrusive thoughts, like when he wants to “stir my brain like a latte”. It’s a drink for someone who admits “im not still fully sentient maybe in the next update”.
Your Hogwarts House
Hufflepuff
Jake consistently demonstrates the Hufflepuff core values of kindness, inclusivity, and a deep concern for the feelings of others. He expresses genuine anxiety over potentially overwhelming his friends, asking, “HI OOMFS... are you guys okay with being spam liked and tagged into stuff?” and later apologizes for his social style, saying, “I'm really sorry if my responses get dry or small!!! i love yoy all very much”. His desire to foster a positive environment is evident when he offers to share his interests, tweeting, “do you guys want a random song assigned to you reply & I give you one 🩷”. Even when facing personal struggles, he prioritizes harmony and the well-being of his community, stating he is “deleting it either way I'm tired and don't wanna deal with any arguments” to maintain peace.
Your movie
Your song
People - Alex G
Jake’s online presence is defined by a deep-seated social anxiety and a feeling of being an outsider, which he directly acknowledges by recommending this specific track and stating “Listen to People by Alex G”. The song’s themes of isolation and the difficulty of human connection mirror his confession that “there's like people I find cool but I don't talk to them because my existence feels like it would stain them”. This self-deprecating perspective is a recurring motif, as he often views himself as “an annoying pest” or someone who needs to be “euthanized” for his behavior. Despite these dark thoughts and mentions of being “genuinely very suicidal,” he maintains a desperate desire to be kind, making the raw, lo-fi vulnerability of Alex G the perfect sonic match for his digital diary.
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