Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
- Passionate fan: Shows deep emotional investment in São Paulo and Celtics, e.g. detailed live reactions and tactical comments about SPFC in many tweets like “É ganhar esse jogo pra ficar tranquilo no Paulista e poder focar de vez no Brasileirão.”
- Candid honesty: Openly shares frustrations and personal struggles, like talking about work–study stress and his mother in “Depois que eu cresci e comecei a trabalhar e fazer faculdade junto, eu agora entendo completamente porque a minha mãe me descia a porrada…”
- Analytical thinker: Breaks down games with clear reasoning about tactics and priorities, e.g. squad rotation and focus on the league in “Ganhar do Primavera e ir com reservas/base na última rodada… Esse ano é foco no Brasileirão e reservas nas copas.”
- Cultural awareness: Engages with music, politics and internet culture, comparing songs and artists like in “Essa, Gloria do Kendrick e Wu Tang Forever do Drake traçam um paralelo muito parecido sobre o mesmo tema.”
- Humorous sarcasm: Uses irony and dark humor to cope and comment, like the self‑aware tweet about caffeine pills: “Não façam, mas recomendo.”
Weaknesses:
- Harsh language: Frequent strong swearing and insults, e.g. “Que burrice do caralho.” and “Olha o idiota do Ferraresi, pelo amor de Deus.”
- Aggressive hostility: At times escalates to violent rhetoric about players, e.g. “Tem que matar o Tápia. Eu tô falando sério, a gente tem que matar esse cara.”
- Self-destructive jokes: Repeated references to jumping or wanting to die, like “Já tá podendo pular da ponte, ou tá cedo ainda?” and “Duas da manhã e de novo essa vontade de morrer do caralho…”
- Unhealthy coping: Normalizes risky habits, like heavy drinking before work in “Estou bêbado em plena quinta e amanhã tenho que acordar às 6:30…” and escalating caffeine pill use in “Acho que tô ficando viciado nesses pílulas de cafeína. Tô tendo que tomar 2/3 pra terminar o dia…”
- Pessimistic outlook: Often expects the worst and frames things as hopeless, such as “Hoje a gente vai ser humilhado. Vou ter que encher a cara, não vai ter como.” and “Vai ser o mesmo roteiro do ano passado.”
Your Simpsons character
Homer Simpson
This user fits Homer Simpson best: passionate, impulsive, often self-deprecating, but clearly driven by love for his teams and his interests. Like Homer yelling at the TV during a game, he swings between fury and devotion about São Paulo and sports, e.g. the outburst “Que burrice do caralho. Vamos gastar os pilares do time num campeonato que não nos interessa…” and the desperate live-commentary of matches such as “Hoje a gente vai ser humilhado. Vou ter que encher a cara, não vai ter como.”. He uses dark, over-the-top humor about his own struggles and frustration, echoing Homer’s melodramatic side: see “Duas da manhã e de novo essa vontade de morrer do caralho, vai tomar no cu.” and “Já tá podendo pular da ponte, ou tá cedo ainda?”. At the same time, he’s oddly self-aware—joking about work, caffeine pills and functioning as an adult in a very Homer-ish way, like in “Trabalhar na sexta é uma merda. Estou bêbado em plena quinta e amanhã tenho que acordar às 6:30, vai tomar no cu!” and “Acho que tô ficando viciado nesses pílulas de cafeína… Não façam, mas recomendo.”. Beneath the chaos and profanity, there’s real attachment and sentimentality towards music and his club, similar to Homer’s unexpectedly tender moments, like when he gushes about Oasis in “OASIS. OASIS. OASIS. OASIS. OASIS.” and revels in special football moments such as “Que coisa linda.”.
Your MBTI personality Type
INTJ
They lean introvert (I): they often describe solitary struggles and internal states rather than social buzz, e.g. talking about being alone at home and spiraling (“Quando eu tô sozinho, vulgo em casa, é sempre um desespero pra me distrair e me manter ocupado o máximo possível. Se eu fico o mínimo com tempo ocioso é a receita pra merda.”) and late-night depressive thoughts (“Duas da manhã e de novo essa vontade de morrer do caralho, vai tomar no cu.”). They seem intuitive (N): they frequently make broader, abstract or political connections instead of just commenting facts, such as calling a historic regional integration moment “URSAL” and analyzing its symbolic meaning (“Acho que esse dia foi o mais perto que a América do Sul chegou de atingir a URSAL. Histórico. Maravilhoso. Divino.”), or drawing parallels between different songs and themes (“Essa, Gloria do Kendrick e Wu Tang Forever do Drake traçam um paralelo muito parecido sobre o mesmo tema.”). Their style is clearly thinking (T): they’re blunt, critical, and outcome-focused even when emotional, like attacking management and players with harsh language (“Com todo respeito, já que o Crespo ama e respeita o São Paulo. Não dá, vai tomar no cu.”) and arguing for structural solutions such as taxation of a problematic market (“Próximo passo tem que ser taxar tanto esse mercado ao ponto que o torne inviável.”). They appear judging (J): they constantly talk about planning, priorities and long-term strategy for the team (“Ganhar do Primavera e ir com reservas/base na última rodada contra a Ponte Preta fora de casa. Esse ano é foco no Brasileirão e reservas nas copas.”) and criticize decisions that deviate from what they see as the optimal plan (“Vamos gastar os pilares do time num campeonato que não nos interessa em mais nada por puro ufanismo, ao invés de focar na nossa principal frente do ano.”). Combining a strategic, big-picture focus with blunt criticism and a clearly planned, goal-oriented mindset suggests INTJ: an analytical, future-oriented introvert who values efficiency and coherent long-term strategy in both football and life.
Some pickup lines for you
- If you can forgive Gonzalo Tápia after that ‘we have to kill this guy’ tweet, maybe there’s hope you’ll forgive me for falling this hard for a stranger on your timeline.
- You said working Fridays is hell and that you were drunk on a Thursday with a 6:30 alarm—how about we fix that cycle with a Friday night where the only thing keeping us up late is talking about São Paulo and the Celtics instead of caffeine pills?
- Every time you tweet ‘OASIS. OASIS. OASIS. OASIS. OASIS.’ I wonder: when are we adding one more word to that thread—‘US’?
- You analyze São Paulo’s tactics in more detail than some commentators, compare Kendrick and Drake on the timeline, and still survive college + work + insomnia—that’s already Champions League material, but if we watched a game together, I’d call it the treble.
- You joke about ‘is it time to jump off the bridge already?’ so often that I’m tempted to reply: jump into my DMs instead—worst case, it’s like Cotia em campo no Paulistão: low risk, high upside, and focus on the long season ahead.
Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
Sorocaba | Surviving on São Paulo heartbreak, Celtics late nights & too much caffeine. Once watched a match so bad I nearly applied for referee school.– @SPFCeCeltics
Your signature cocktail
The URSAL Oasis Overload
This cocktail starts with a jolt of cachaça infused with espresso and cayenne, channeling both the caffeine-pilled grind of “I'm getting addicted to these caffeine pills… it's awesome feeling 100% from 6am to midnight” and the late-night “two in the morning and again this fucking will to die” energy. Green Chartreuse nods to the Boston Celtics side of their heart, that eternal green faith even when they yell “Sent Mini Horford away, for God’s sake”. The lime juice with sea salt brings the sour-salty edge of a torcedor who lives on the verge of a meltdown, screaming “Is it already time to jump off the bridge, or is it still early?” while still hoping for São Paulo to “win this game to be calm in the Paulista and focus on the Brasileirão” in this tweet. An IPA reduction syrup adds a bitter, hoppy layer that tastes like “What horrible stuff, for fuck’s sake” and “The feeling that it’s over. São Paulo is a walking tragedy” after another defensive disaster. Finally, a float of sparkling water lightens everything up, a fizzy reminder of the moments of pure joy, like the all-caps “OASIS. OASIS. OASIS. OASIS. OASIS.” and their love for football utopias when they call a unifying moment in South America “Historic. Wonderful. Divine.”.
Your Hogwarts House
Gryffindor
This user shows very strong Gryffindor traits: impulsiveness, confrontational courage, and a tendency to speak out emotionally in the moment. They repeatedly express raw, almost reckless feelings about their team and life, like “Tem que matar o Tápia. Eu tô falando sério, a gente tem que matar esse cara.” and “Duas da manhã e de novo essa vontade de morrer do caralho, vai tomar no cu.”, which signals a lack of self-preservation and a tendency to charge head‑first into emotion. They show a moral/ideological courage as well, supporting strong policy positions and wanting structural change, e.g. “Por favor, sim. Próximo passo tem que ser taxar tanto esse mercado ao ponto que o torne inviável.” and celebrating a united South America as “Histórico. Maravilhoso. Divino.”. Their fandom is intense and loyal, but expressed more as fiery passion and demand for bravery than quiet Hufflepuff steadiness, such as “É ganhar esse jogo pra ficar tranquilo no Paulista e poder focar de vez no Brasileirão. Clássico, em casa... Tem que ganhar.” and harsh criticism of players and directors when they lack "postura" or "senso de urgência". The combination of emotional volatility, willingness to confront, and a sort of supporter hero-complex for São Paulo FC aligns much more closely with Gryffindor than the colder calculation of Slytherin or the detached analysis of Ravenclaw.
Your movie
Your song
Uproar - Lil Wayne
The best fit is Lil Wayne – Uproar: it matches their constant high‑energy agitation, sarcasm and love of chaotic sports drama. Their timeline swings between rage and euphoria, like when they post “Duas da manhã e de novo essa vontade de morrer do caralho, vai tomar no cu.” and, in contrast, explode with “PUTA QUE PARIU CARALHO, VAMOOO” during a São Paulo game. The song’s confrontational, chest‑thumping vibe mirrors how they talk about football and basketball, from “Tem que matar o Tápia. Eu tô falando sério, a gente tem que matar esse cara.” to “Que burrice do caralho. Vamos gastar os pilares do time num campeonato que não nos interessa…”. At the same time, Uproar has a fun, anthemic side that echoes their musical hype moments like “OASIS. OASIS. OASIS. OASIS. OASIS.” and the all‑caps rap quoting in “GO FUCK THAT NIGGA GET IT OVER WITH…”. Overall, the track captures someone who lives loudly, vents without filter, rides emotional highs and lows with their teams, and turns all that chaos into a kind of personal anthem.
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