Strengths and Weaknesses
Strengths:
- Sharp humor: Uses clever twists like “Struggling marriages just aren’t ‘having another kid to save the marriage’ like they used to.” to highlight social absurdity.
- Cultural awareness: References film, TV, and politics—e.g., “Dune 3 will avoid mentioning Hitler as Paul does in the book.” and “yall ever see the sopranos?”.
- Self-deprecating: Mocks his own situation with lines like “I don’t even have money and it’s changed me”.
- Committed bit-maker: Builds recurring jokes such as the ‘older woman I’m dating’ series, e.g. “The older woman I’m dating stashes sugar packets in her purse every time we dine out”.
- Social commentator: Uses jokes to comment on culture and media, like “The song ‘grandma got run over by a reindeer’ is awfully cheerful for a guy who just lost his grandmother on Christmas Eve”.
Weaknesses:
- Edgy insensitivity: Jokes touch on racism and death in ways that can feel flippant, e.g. “The older woman I’m dating is racist” and “Nurse just told me: there were a few complications but that baby was stillborn”.
- Provocative cruelty: Some posts lean into harshness, like “Kill everything & cancel yourself” and “Every time I tell my girlfriend I love her, it’s a lie”.
- Relationship flippancy: Treats partners as punchlines, e.g. “I took my girlfriend’s phone off her. That’s enough for today.” and “I don’t lie to my girlfriend, that would be animal abuse”.
- Shock dependence: Relies on shock for humor—e.g. “Alcoholic lives matter” and “Discontinue the lithium.”—which can overshadow wit.
- Political flippancy: Engages with heavy political topics in a glib way, like “Trump gets everything in my will” and “President Boris Johnson??? #JoeBiden”, which may dilute any serious point.
Your Simpsons character
Bart Simpson
This account most closely matches Bart Simpson, with its mix of mischief, dark humor, and casual disrespect for authority and norms. The user leans into deliberately provocative jokes and chaotic predictions, like “Conan O’Brien is going to be or is already divorced. And you can take that to the damn bank.” and “Dune 3 will avoid mentioning Hitler… and you can take that to the damn bank.”, which feel very Bart-like in their bratty confidence. Their recurring, irreverent bits about dating an extremely older woman — such as “The older woman I’m dating was a waitress at the last supper” and “The older woman I’m dating is at risk of falling” — echo Bart’s tendency to lean into absurd, taboo-adjacent jokes. There’s also a juvenile, anarchic streak in posts like “Kill everything & cancel yourself” and “Eat the rich”, akin to Bart’s love of chaos more than any coherent ideology. Overall, the tone is prankish, irreverent, and attention-seeking, which aligns far more with Bart than with more earnest or responsible characters like Lisa or Marge.
Your MBTI personality Type
ENTP
They show strong Extraversion (E) through outward‑facing, performative humor and repeated bids for audience engagement, like the mock-confident predictions in “Conan O’Brien is going to be or is already divorced. And you can take that to the damn bank.” and “Dune 3 will avoid mentioning Hitler… and you can take that to the damn bank.”. Their bio, simply “Antics,” plus tweets like “I’m sick of Kieran Culkin and his antics.” and “sick of Real Madrid and their antics”, signal a persona built around public playfulness and social commentary rather than private reflection. They lean heavily toward Intuition (N), constantly playing with hypotheticals, reinterpretations, and absurd premises instead of concrete details; for instance, reimagining political reality in “President Boris Johnson??? #JoeBiden” and “Romney Harris 2024”, or twisting childhood mishearing in “turns out it was ‘oh say can you see’ and not ‘José can you see’”. The running bit about “the older woman I’m dating” across tweets like “was a waitress at the last supper” and “reads me lolita every night as a bedtime story” shows imaginative exaggeration over factual reporting. Their style is distinctly Thinking (T): the humor is sharp, detached, and often insensitive, prioritizing wit over harmony. They joke about dark or taboo topics with minimal emotional cushioning, as in “Nurse just told me: there were a few complications but that baby was stillborn” and “Alcoholic lives matter”, and undercut sentiment with cynicism in “Every time I tell my girlfriend I love her, it’s a lie”. The tone is more about logical inversion and irony than empathic concern. They appear Perceiving (P) rather than structured and planful: the feed is chaotic, spontaneous, and full of shifting bits and free‑associative questions like “Why is McDonald’s ketchup so good?”, “What animal is Garfield?”, and “When is mail pride month?”. Even their mock-column plug in “This, and more in my column; 'Eliotism', find it every thursday on stubstack.” feels like a bit rather than evidence of real scheduling and follow-through. Altogether, a socially playful, idea-spinning, irreverent, and improvisational style fits ENTP best.
Some pickup lines for you
- You keep warning us about struggling marriages having ‘another kid to save the marriage’—how about we just skip to having nachos to save the date instead?
- If Dune 3 can cut Hitler and still be epic, I’m pretty sure we can cut the lies—unlike you telling your girlfriend, when I say I love you, it won’t be a Garfield-level Monday joke.
- You said you don’t even have money and it’s changed you—wild, because I’m pretty broke too, but one drink with you would still feel like something I could take to the damn bank.
- The older woman you’re dating might hold your hand when you cross the road, but I’ll hold your hand while we debate what actually happened when The Sopranos cut to black—call it a crosswalk from antics to ethics.
- You gave Trump everything in your will; bold move. How about, while you’re still alive, you give me one evening, some McDonald’s ketchup, and your hottest ‘Eliotism’ live in person?
Your 5 Emojis
Your new Twitter bio
Comic of cursed predictions & elderly girlfriends. Once misheard the US anthem as bullying a guy named José. Opinions mine, antics inevitable.– @ThawEliot
Your signature cocktail
The Older Woman’s Antics Negroni
The smoky mezcal captures their unhinged prophetic confidence, like declaring “Conan O’Brien is going to be or is already divorced. And you can take that to the damn bank.” and calling Dune 3 discourse in advance with “you can take that to the damn bank.” The bitter orange aperitivo mirrors their sharp, slightly toxic humor—whether it’s saying “Discontinue the lithium.” or that “Struggling marriages just aren’t ‘having another kid to save the marriage’ like they used to.”. Sweet vermouth brings in a hidden softness under the chaos, like the running bit about the older girlfriend who “holds my hand when we cross the road.” yet also “reads me lolita every night as a bedtime story.” Black walnut bitters nod to their dark, morbid punchlines—joking about a stillborn baby with “there were a few complications but that baby was stillborn” and the cheery horror of “The song ‘grandma got run over by a reindeer’ is awfully cheerful for a guy who just lost his grandmother on Christmas Eve”. The flamed orange peel is pure spectacle and chaos, matching lines like “Kill everything & cancel yourself” and the surreal confusion of “Wait who is Donald Trump again?”—a classic drink structure set on fire by relentless antics.
Your Hogwarts House
Ravenclaw
Their defining trait across these posts is a sharp, playful intellect and a constant drive to twist ideas in unexpected ways, which fits Ravenclaw. The account leans heavily on wordplay and meta-humor, like the mock-column bit in “This, and more in my column; 'Eliotism', find it every thursday on stubstack.” and the phonetic misunderstanding in “turns out it was ‘oh say can you see’ and not ‘José can you see’…”. Their dark, absurdist jokes show creative thinking more than simple edge, as in “Nurse just told me: there were a few complications but that baby was stillborn” and the surreal relationship bit “The older woman I’m dating was a waitress at the last supper”. Even the pop-culture and political jokes rely on clever reframing, such as “President Boris Johnson??? #JoeBiden” and the deliberately confused “Wait who is Donald Trump again?”. There’s little evidence of classic Gryffindor moral grandstanding, Hufflepuff warmth, or Slytherin calculated ambition; instead, the throughline is wit, irony, and imaginative, slightly chaotic thinking—very Ravenclaw.
Your movie
Your song
Bad Liar - Imagine Dragons
A well-suited song is Bad Liar by Imagine Dragons, because their whole persona blends confession with obvious exaggeration and irony. They openly admit dishonesty and emotional messiness, like when they say “Every time I tell my girlfriend I love her, it’s a lie”, which mirrors the song’s theme of struggling to be honest about feelings. Their chaotic, self-sabotaging humor — from “Kill everything & cancel yourself” to “Discontinue the lithium.” — fits the track’s sense of internal turmoil and bad coping mechanisms. Even their relationships are framed as dysfunctional bits, like “The older woman I’m dating is racist” and “I took my girlfriend’s phone off her. That’s enough for today.”, which aligns with the song’s tension between wanting connection and constantly screwing it up. Overall, Bad Liar captures their mix of self-awareness, dark humor, and emotional chaos.
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