
Strengths and Weaknesses

Your Simpsons character
This user most closely matches Bart Simpson: chaotic, irreverent, and constantly joking about disaster while still being oddly lovable. Their timeline is full of impulsive, over-the-top reactions like “whoever greenlit cowboys rebalance will be going to depths deeper than hell” and “I HAVE A GUN”, which resemble Bart’s dramatic prank energy more than any thoughtful or reserved character. They lean hard into dark comedy and exaggerated despair, as seen in “Just fucking kill me already” and their persona as “servant of despair” in “My name is servant of despair. Manager I want some icecream”, much like Bart’s habit of turning angst into a bit. At the same time, they show strong meme-savvy and internet-gremlin behavior in posts like “geometry dash is one of the seven deadly sins of gaming” and “3 quotes ONE like delete your account”, mirroring Bart’s culture of trolling authority and peers. The mix of troublemaking, gallows humor, and a kind of performative melodrama matches Bart far better than more earnest characters like Lisa or responsible ones like Marge.

Your MBTI personality Type
Default personality type.

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Your new Twitter bio
Professional disaster speedrunner. Once set eggs on fire while teaching someone to cook. Gaming, curses, and occasional coherent thoughts.– @verydespairing

Your signature cocktail
The Servant of Despair Sour is bright KoD blue on the surface but pitch-dark at the edges, just like when they said, “I’m blue now” and begged, “Someone Despairify this// I mean make it KoD blue//”. Blue curaçao captures their obsession with that cursed, glowing blue aesthetic, while overproof rum channels the unhinged, explosive energy of posts like “I HAVE A GUN” and their all‑caps breakdowns. A smoked black tea syrup adds a bitter, burnt edge for moments like “Just fucking kill me already” and their eldritch ranting at DAVID BUMZUKI, CREATURE OF GREED in this curse of a tweet. The sour citrus mix reflects how they constantly swing between playful chaos and genuine frustration, whether it’s “geometry dash is one of the seven deadly sins of gaming” or screaming “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”. Finally, the activated charcoal salt rim is the literal edge of despair, for the moth that keeps flying back into the cursed timeline, introducing themselves as, “My name is servant of despair… There is a dreaming current And it is going to hit me AHHH!”.

Your Hogwarts House
Their timeline shows a mix of irony and theatrical aggression that points strongly toward Slytherin’s resourcefulness and self-preservation. They lean into threatening or curse-like humor, such as “Should start cursing people”, “I HAVE A GUN”, and the ominous prophetic tone of “Sorry for your car crash in 2 weeks”, which fits Slytherin’s flair for intimidation and dramatized power. Their repeated framing of themself as a Servant of Despair—for example “It Would be funny if I actually became the servant of despair Should I” and the extended persona in “My name is servant of despair. Manager I want some icecream…”—shows an embrace of identity, image, and mythmaking that aligns with Slytherin ambition and self-mythology. At the same time, they are intensely protective and combative toward perceived wrongdoers, as in “you sent spawnism self harm into the tbb group chat and you tried to downplay it… Who’s in the wrong here”, which shows they defend their circle but do so through callouts and conflict rather than quiet loyalty. Even their jokey hostility toward fandoms and devs—like “whoever greenlit cowboys rebalance will be going to depths deeper than hell” and “#KillAllProjectMoonFans”—shows someone who relishes sharp, polarizing stances and isn’t afraid to play the villain, another classic Slytherin hallmark. While there is humor and creativity (a Ravenclaw trait), the dominant throughline is calculated edginess, persona-building, and confrontational self-defense, which are most at home in Slytherin.

Your movie

Your song
Their whole vibe mixes melodramatic despair with humor and over-the-top storytelling, which fits the theatrical emo energy of Welcome to the Black Parade. They lean hard into a persona of suffering and doom, with tweets like “Just fucking kill me already” and “Everyone Hates me☹️”, echoing the song’s themes of isolation and pain. At the same time, they’re playful and self-aware, joking about becoming a literal embodiment of misery in “It Would be funny if I actually became the servant of despair Should I” and writing surreal monologues like “My name is servant of despair. Manager I want some icecream…”, which matches the song’s dramatic, narrative style. Their fascination with cursed, apocalyptic vibes—like “We are fucked” and mock-ominous posts about souls being taken—parallels the track’s end-of-the-world emotional stakes. Overall, they feel like someone who’d blast Welcome to the Black Parade while half-joking, half-serious about being the tragic protagonist of their own bizarre, despair-filled story.

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verydespairing
green: confident, yellow: guess, red: uncertain
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