
Strengths and Weaknesses

Your Simpsons character
They read as a very self-aware, artsy, politically sharp young person, which fits Lisa Simpson more than anyone else. Like Lisa, they’re immersed in creative pursuits and overthink them, asking things like “Why is making meaningful art so impossible I need to get more pretentious im so excited to be in art classes again this semester” and admitting that “College art classes made me realize that i actually hate lineart and drawing and im not very good at it compared to painting”. They show a mix of dark humor and genuine vulnerability, joking “Pavement is music that i would listen to in 9th grade while thinking about killing mysrlf” and “This is my second time ever spending december 26 31 at home instead of out of state with family and im learning i just get lowkey suicidal for a week”, which echoes Lisa’s depressive, existential streak under the jokes. Their left-leaning, critical edge and awareness of history and politics—like “Before the third reich took over this website the location on this tweet was Chicago” and “Speaking my truth I get annoyed when people watch old movies/shows then clutch their pearls when someone’s homophobic/racist or whatever Did you want tony soprano to say latinx”—feel very Lisa. Even their mix of sports fandom, niche music obsessions, and being a bit out of place among peers, such as “I’m at least glad luis robert jr got traded to a team i like…” and “That period this summer when i would get high every night at my parents house and watch blur music videos until i had a panic attack”, fits Lisa’s pattern of intense hyperfixations and feeling like the odd one out in her environment.

Your MBTI personality Type
They lean Introvert (I): a lot of enjoyment comes from being in their own head or with a very small circle, like doom-scrolling and art or movies instead of big social scenes, e.g. “That period this summer when i would get high every night at my parents house and watch blur music videos until i had a panic attack” and “In the library googling flights to kyrgyzstan”. They seem iNtuitive (N): they constantly move from concrete experiences to patterns and concepts, making meta-observations like “Twitter often makes it seem like everyone lives in new york, when in reality, many people are in Chicago as well” and joking about media discourse in “Speaking my truth I get annoyed when people watch old movies… Did you want tony soprano to say latinx”. Their humor and judgments are very Thinking (T)-oriented: dry, cutting, and principle-based more than harmony-based, e.g. “You start to appreciate why stalin just shot everyone” and “Alex james needs to dіe im not kidding”, even when discussing things they care about. Finally, they look strongly Perceiving (P): they present themselves as chaotic, procrastinating, and improvisational rather than structured or planful, seen in “Week of ritalin alcohol and 7/11 food mixing in my body” and “I need to drop out to focus on yaoi”. The mixture of introverted, sardonic media/idea obsessions, analytical social commentary, and messy lifestyle habits fits INTP best: an inwardly-focused, highly verbal, theoretical type whose life and humor revolve around concepts, art, and ironic detachment.

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Your new Twitter bio
Chicago-born 2006. Art student, Britpop apologist, fantasy football champ. Once watched Blur videos so long I gave myself a panic attack.– @winninugly1

Your signature cocktail
This is a strong, chaotic classic-with-a-twist for someone who says “Week of ritalin alcohol and 7/11 food mixing in my body” and still gets up to watch baseball and British bands. The overproof rum matches the unhinged, high-energy vibe of tweets like “Im tweaking and no one is awake We’re going back to the first thanksgiving” and the way they keep boozing through sports heartbreak like “Said i wouldnt drink tonight but i miss mr baseball so bad”. The Malört-level bitterness stands in for Chicago grime and generational trauma, the same world where “Chicago bears century of humiliation” is just part of the family lore and grandpa is throwing things at the TV in “my grandpa would chainsmoke indoors and watch bears games and throw things at her if she walked in front of the TV”. Cherry cola/Diet Coke is the sweet, trashy comfort of holiday cousins and porch hangs, echoing “Perfect level of tipsy discussing fortnite with my evil cousins Merry Christmas” and the weaponized beverage lore of “Growing up people would make fun of me for drinking diet coke then id tell them my dad had diabetes”. The espresso drizzle is the late-night art school / Blur spiral—pulling all-nighters with “I watched a 1.5 hour long breakdown of modern life is rubbish while doing art homework today and now im going crazy” and obsessing over Britpop enough to say “Alex james career being playing bass and making cheese IT SHOULD BE ME NOT HIM”. Finally, the lemon twist is that sharp, slightly mean sense of humor—the guy who jokes “I have no penis and i must scream” and “I need to drop out to focus on yaoi” but still radiates enough warmth that “No homo but his smile could melt anyones heart.”

Your Hogwarts House
Marcus reads as a classic Ravenclaw: intellectually curious, creatively restless, and heavily defined by niche interests. They’re constantly seeking out and engaging with art, film, music, and history, from asking for recommendations like “Could anyone give me some good historical movie recs Plz thank you” to doing deep dives such as “I watched a 1.5 hour long breakdown of modern life is rubbish while doing art homework today and now im going crazy There was a healing”. Their identity as an art student who overthinks their work fits the house’s introspective, perfectionist streak: “Why is making meaningful art so impossible I need to get more pretentious im so excited to be in art classes again this semester” and “College art classes made me realize that i actually hate lineart and drawing and im not very good at it compared to painting”. There’s also a distinctly Ravenclaw mix of dry wit and meta-commentary, like “Speaking my truth I get annoyed when people watch old movies/shows then clutch their pearls when someone’s homophobic/racist or whatever Did you want tony soprano to say latinx” and the self-aware media takes on Blur, Oasis, and Pavement scattered throughout their timeline. Even their offhand jokes show a tendency to intellectualize feelings and experiences—turning personal angst into layered, referential humor in tweets like “Pavement is music that i would listen to in 9th grade while thinking about killing mysrlf” and “I have no penis and i must scream”. While there are flashes of Gryffindor bluntness and Slytherin bitterness, the dominant pattern is a brainy, hyper-self-aware creative who lives in their head, which is quintessential Ravenclaw.

Your movie

Your song
A well-suited song for Marcus is “Charmless Man” by Blur, because his whole timeline radiates British alt-rock fixation, self-deprecating humor, and ironic detachment. He openly documents his Blur obsession, saying “That period this summer when i would get high every night at my parents house and watch blur music videos until i had a panic attack” and celebrating that “They remastered charmless man Oh my goodness gracious”. The song’s theme of a clever, slightly miserable guy spiraling around his own image fits tweets like “Why is making meaningful art so impossible I need to get more pretentious im so excited to be in art classes again this semester” and “Pavement is music that i would listen to in 9th grade while thinking about killing mysrlf”. Its mix of swagger, self-loathing, and overthinking mirrors posts like “I need to drop out to focus on yaoi” and “I have no penis and i must scream”. Overall, Charmless Man captures his sarcastic, Britpop-obsessed, transmasc art student energy almost perfectly.

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